Stupefying Brilliance
Part 1
My name is Brilliance Carter. Tacky name, yes, but I deserve it! I am the daughter of Vivian and Joshua Carter, nobel prize laureates, geniuses celebrated throughout the world! With such parents, of course I am destined for brilliance!
I must take it slowly, of course. One step at a time. Before me is the 4th grade math textbook. I come to this challenge determined, prepared, yet humble. I may have grown far beyond a 4th grader, but I will not be conceited!
I mean, I am 23. Now let’s see this textb...
“Bri? Briii! Wake up!”
“Huh...whaaa?”
I turn my head to the side. My childhood friend is here.
“Hi Kimmy...what happened?”
“Well, huh, like, I was in the bathroom having fun thinking about boys, and I heard you talking about math stuff...I, like, totally knew you were in trouble!”
“’mnot in trouble...I just passed out.”
Kimmy’s pouting. She’s adorable with her dark blond, elaborately done hair, her full lips and her baby blue eyes. My eyes wander to her barely covered chest, two big, obviously fake but nonetheless very pleasing round orbs. She’s been...augmented as soon as it was legal. It suits her. I mean, it’s sad to see a girl slutting up her body like that, but what else can she do? She’s a deeply stupid, entirely dependent bimbo. She needs people to like her and want to give her money and stuff. Oh, she’s the sweetest girl there is, but she’s still a dumb airhead.
It sounds like I’m insulting her, right? No, I would never insult my best friend. I raise my head and massage the neck pain away. The simple textbook is covered in arcane symbols and a small puddle of drool that formed in the...huh...small valley thingy?
I may not sound like it, but I am exactly as stupid as she is.
Let me introduce myself again, no bullshit this time. I’m Brilliance Carter, daughter of two genius scientists. That part was true. However, I was born a hopeless idiot. I don’t sound like one, at least not as much as Kimmy, but that’s because she just runs with it. Me, I do my best to become smarter.
Like, I can handle dressing myself up to look serious and smart, or learning how to talk like people. But my brain detonates just looking at a multiplication table. Yeah, go ahead, mock me. Chances are your mean words will actually lift my spirits. I remember a girl bully telling me and Kimmy we’re too dumb to write our own names. Ha ha ha! Actually I can’t even spell my own name with plastic toy letters. I don’t even really get this letter list thing. Alfa bet? I mean what’s the deal? Like many things, the idea just refuses to fit in my bubblegum brain.
Yes. I am stupider than a cartoon moron, and don’t have many options in life, so I stay at home. I can make some electric things work, but I quickly forget how to use them if I don’t do it often, so I have post-its. Forget about doing the groceries...I have no idea how that money thing works, so we have an assistant who does them for me. I’m okay after she delivers the food, though. I actually have a great cooking sense! Thank God, because recipe books might as well be witchcraft to me. Just by following my instinct, I can whip up tasty meals. I’m obviously not going to become a great chef like this, but I can at least welcome my parents home with a nice, soothing dinner.
I mean, I tot...don’t really enjoy being, like a housewife and stuff, but my parents are sooo supportive...They never stopped loving me despite how stupid I am. I want to do whatever I can to thank them, that’s all.
Still, I don’t want to be something like a live-in, sheltered bimbo! So I do my best to break this curse...But every time I feel confident to start learning writing and math and stuff, I overload and pass out. This sucks.
As for Kimmy, she’s our neighbors’ daughter, and she’s pretty much in the same situation as me. That’s no coincidence by the way ; our parents met in a support group, and decided to move in the same newly built neighborhood. There’s one major difference—Kimmy’s parents are diplomats. And since bringing her around the world isn’t an option, she comes over all the time. That way, we can pool our hopeless brain resources together when there’s a situation like “how do you open a safety cap again?” She may be a slutty airhead working as a call girl and a sad reminder that she’s the only girl I was able to befriend. But she is my friend, and I love her. I hope that once I figure out how to make something out of my cotton head, I can help her too.
Meanwhile, Daddy and Mommy are hard at work trying to come up with an intelligence potion. They say it was an easy sell for their investors, at least. I don’t get it but they tell me it means they can work on fixing me full time. I’m so lucky to have them!
And so, some time after my failed attempt at learning 4th grade math, I was watching TV with Kimmy. I wanted to watch the news, but my fluffy brain was already kinda hurting from the textbook, so I let Kimmy switch to a porn cable. She’s so slutty! I’m not a nympho like her, but that doesn’t mean I’m frigid or anything. Sex is nice, and it doesn’t make my head hurt. I simply don’t want sex to be all I ever do.
Still, when I hear keys turning and a door opening, I switch the TV off before running to the entrance, smiling.
“Hi Dad!”
“Hi Mister Carter!”
“Hi, sweetheart. Hi, Kimmy. How was your day, you two?”
My Daddy’s so handsome! I mean, he’s no Tom Cruise, but he’s really good looking on top of being one of the top scientists in the country. He has short hair and a bit of a stubble, like you can tell he’s letting a haidresser take care of his appearance but he doesn’t really care all that much. He already has the wife of his dreams, after all.
Anyway, I’m sure he spent all day being a genius and stuff! I want him to be proud, so I tell him my achievements.
“I tried a 4th grade textbook today! And I only daydreamed seven times.”
“Seven? My girl’s on fire today!” He smiles, ruffling my black hair.
“Tee-hee! Oh and I made enchiladas. Is Mom coming home?”
“No, sorry sweetie, but she’s attending a convention in Geneva, remember? She won’t be home for another three days.”
“Oh, right...The convention. I totally forgot...”
I’m stupid and forgetful. I’m so, like, pathetic, you know? But Daddy caresses my cheek to lift my spirits before I cry.
“I brought another ‘potion’. It’s in the big refrigerating unit over here. Do you mind putting them in the fridge? They need to be kept cool.”
“Sure thing, Dad!”
Another potion! Yay! Maybe today’s the day I become smart! Kimmy skips with me to the big box on wheels Dad brought in, and we push it to the kitchen. We’re often totally in synch like that. My body is the opposite of hers, but sometimes it really feels like we’re twins.
The box is full of ice and, huh...one, two, three...huh, fourive? Aargh! A bunch of bottles. We put them in the fridge. I turn around. The table’s already been set for hours, but I put as much plates and other stuff as when Mommy’s here. There’s one too many, and it’s a sad remainder of my condition. I try to hide the too-much plate under the countertop, and I get right into heating the enchiladas, hoping Daddy won’t notice.
I’d go straight for the potion and chug it, but I’ve drank so many over the years, I just can’t get myself to be optimi...thing...hyped, you know? I just kinda hope my parent’s genius finally fixes my brain, and I’d much rather see my Daddy smiling after a good dinner.
“That was great! Thanks,sweetheart.”
“Thanks! I was afraid I put too much spice.”
“Well, it certainly is spicy, but enjoyably so. You’re just a natural at cooking, Brilliance, don’t ever doubt that.”
I blush and mutter another word of thanks, when Kimmy goes straight for the hard topic.
“So, huh, like...is the new bottles gonna work, Mister Carter? Why are they so many?”
Daddy smiles. He...he looks so confident?
“Because I’m pretty sure we did things right this time. There’s one main active agent, and the other bottles are stabilizers.”
“D...Do you mean...” I say, fidgeting. “You think it’s going to fix me this time?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” He replies with a relieved expression. “You’re finally going to be happy.”
I cover my mouth as I cry tears of joy. He or Mom never sounded this confident! It’s...it’s going to work this time! I’m totally going to stop being a moron! I get up and go straight for the fridge. Daddy tells me to take the big one, and I do. It’s a clear plastic bottle with a blue liquid inside. Blue looks so smart! There’s a tag with something written on it. I think it’s...huh...something something se...rum? Yeah, serum. Serum’s a curing thing!
I’m so close to smartness! I twist the cap and quickly chug it.
“There! I’m finally going to be smart, Dad!”
“Yes, you’re going to find happiness at last.” He smiles. “It should take a few minutes to work...Why don’t we go to the living room and test your intelligence?”
“Sure!”
“Bri’s going to be smart!” Squeals Kimmy, clapping.
We leave the kitchen and I go sit in a sofa. Wow! I felt woozy for a second...the cure serum thing is working!
“Alright!” Says Daddy. “Let’s do a standard test. What’s two plus two?”
Hmm, let me think...Go away, fluffy cloud in my brain! I’m smart now. Sooo, something to focus on...things that are two...Breasts? No! Smart girls don’t think about that. How about...kitties! Yeah! Two kitties plus two kitties...hmm...
“Like, they all have a tail and two paws, so...Shhh! No spoilers! I...I know! A whole litter of kittens!”
“Ooo...kay, I guess that’s logical. In a way.” Answers Daddy. “What’s Mrs. Anderson phone number?”
Ah, she’s the lady that goes shopping for me. But...
“Phone number? Like, huh, the number of phones we have?”
“Huh, no, the thing you do to call her. Come on, you know that, right?”
“Ah, I see...Of course I know that! It’s two times middle button, then top left, top right, two times bottom and middle again. Yeah, I’m really becoming smarter!”
Daddy whistles for a bit, looking to the side, then smiles.
“That’s my Brilliance! Would you like some ice cream?”
“Huh? No, you know I don’t like sweet things, Dad.”
Yeah, like, it’s too easy for stupid me to daydream when tasting sweet, tasty things...Give me candy and I’ll totally forget about studying for hours...
“Are you sure?” Smiles Dad. “You really don’t want some yummy chocolate chip ice cream? It’s really good, isn’t it Kimmy?”
“Yay, totally Mister Carter!”
“Like, huh...” Some yummy ice cream... ”Giggle I guess I totally want some, but, huh...it makes me stupid, I shouldn’t...“
“Good, it’s working...Normally you wouldn’t let yourself be convinced so easily. Don’t worry about being stupid, sweetie. You’re being cured, remember? So you can just have tasty ice cream!”
“Yay, it’s been so long! Giggle”
Yeah, once I’m smart, I can just eat all the sweet things I want...maybe have a nice strawberry lollipop, and then I’ll totally go play with Kimmy, because, like, I won’t need to study anymore. I’ll have so much fun...can’t wait...I...
“Huh, Dad? I...I feel all weird...”
“Yes, that’s because it’s working.”
“B...but...I’m feeling, like, my brain’s emptying and I can’t think of anything but fun...”
“Yes.”
What does he mean, yes? I want to have lots of fun, but I need to be smart first...Need to study...Hm? Has my shirt gotten littler? No...It’s...Ohmigawd what’s happening?
“Dad...Daddy...Why are my boobies becoming bigger? I don’t want bigger boobies...”
I try to open my shirt so they won’t hurt as much, but as soon as my fingers touch them, I feel even funnier...Shit, so...so hard to...
“They feel so weeird, I...aaaahn...I don’t want those weird boobies, I want to feel...mmmngh...normal...”
“You’re going to need them, sweetheart. You said it yourself, once. Kimmy needs people to love her, so she needs big breasts...and so do you.”
Daddy looks sad now...What does he mean, I need big breads...brakes...boobies?
“But...I’m going to be smart!”
“Eventually. It’s not like our investors are going to let go of this project with the progress we’re having. But your mother and I can’t keep using you as a guinea pig like this. We need clinical trials, solid data. Things we’ve been sacrificing to answer your pleas for years now...And what little progress you’ve made only concerned your procedural memory. We love you very much, Brilliance...but you really need to accept who you are. We won’t complete the project for years, sweetie. You can’t keep torturing yourself the entire time.”
I don’t get it. I don’t get it. He talks so fast...But I...think he means...?
“The serum thingie isn’t going to make me smart?”
“No, sweetie. Better than that...It’s finally going to make you happy.”
“B...But...I don’t want to be happy, I want to be smart like you...”
“And that’s the problem. You’re burning yourself trying to be what you’re not. But the bimbo serum you drank is fixing that.”
“B...Bimbo serum? Daddy! I don’t wanna be a...”
“Yes you do. We thought about it for months, Vivian and I. The life of a pretty little bimbo is, as sad as it is to say...the best there is for you. There’s nothing wrong with being a happy airhead, Brilliance. It might not be as dignified as a Nobel Prize, but in the end, being happy is the entire damn point of life.”
Tears flow from my eyes. I try to get up, like, to find a way to get this potion out of me, but my boobies are soo heavy and I’m feeling so weak...
“No! Nooo! Get out of me, serum!” I whine, wriggling. “Stop growing, boobies! I don’t want to be a bimbooo!”
“The kick should occur any second now...The serum doesn’t do anything to your intellect, but it does inhibit your self control and concentration, besides giving you a second puberty. No...please don’t cry...you’re just going to be like Kimmy, sweetheart! You’ll do what you want to do, without any self-loathing to get in the way. You’ll finally be happy, and we’ll be able to work on the true intelligence enhancer serenely. And remember. It’s fine if you’re an airhead. You’re our baby. We’ll love you no matter what.”
“Stop talking so fast, Daddy! And what do you mean, kic...GYAH?”
So...so empty...
“It’s...It’s done.”
Daddy sounds totally not happy. What’s that mean? Dunno...Fluffy brain. Wheee...
“Kimmy? Do you remember what we agreed?”
“Totally! I’m gonna teach Bri how to be happy with her bubble brain!”
“Yeah...Listen, I’m going to leave you with her now. I think I’ll take a hotel room and try not falling into depression. We trust you, Kimberley. You’re just like her sister. And now you’re her teacher. She’ll be extremely easy to convince once she wakes up. Please make my baby girl happy.”
“You can totally trust me, Mister Carter! I always wanted Bri to be like me, so I know what to do!”
“Great. Call us when you’re done.”
He leaves...Like, have a nice day at work, Daddy...Kimmy comes and opens my shirt. Aah, feels better...
“Giggle New Bri’s so bouncy! Oh, mister Boss Sir will luv ya once you’re like me! Okay, sooo...what was step one in the Bimbo Bri plan again? Oh, yeah! A nice wet dream! You’ll totally see the world, like, in a better way after that!“
Better...way? Like, smarter?
“Okay, Bri...Focus on my voice. The potion’s going to make you sleep...and you’ll have all the nice dreams I tell you to have. Once you wake up, you’ll be all yummy and ready to listen to my Bimbo class one-owan! Sounds cool? Yay! Now, sleepy...Sleeeepy Bri...”
Yes...sleepy...so tired...zzz...