Dairy of a Little Blue Jay
Letter 3
So helping Sammy with homework. It literally did leave me in tears. I went to my husband with a new feeling. I mean yeah sure he cursed me and I have to obey him and stuff but what has he made me do? Feel wonderful? Help my daughter do homework? What a monster! That was sarcasm. That night I laid in bed next to him and kissed him on the cheek before hugging him. As much as I may have had mixed feelings at that moment I truly loved him.
The next morning. So like the day before the intent from now on was for me to study the kids homework so I would be able to help them. Once I finished all the work they had I would move on to something else. Today though I had an alternate idea.
“I don’t want to do school work today please.”
“School is important though,” he countered
“Yes I know but I mean. I have another idea. I want to...” I paused I was nervous. “I want to spend today thinking of a better way for you to control me.”
He was taken off guard. “Really? Why?”
“I am stuck. Magically. I get that. I figured we should make it good plus last night. Never in my life had I felt that good. Not even under drugs. I want to keep that feeling.”
“Okay sounds like a plan.”
“No. I don’t trust myself. Please. Command me to do it.”
“My Little Blue Jay. Unless something important comes up. Spend the entire day thinking about how to make this curse work better for us,” he paused. “Not sure how to add a sexual effect there. Any ideas?”
“No please. For the love of god. My pussy is so... tender. No orgasms today. Please!”
“Okay. How about this. My Little Blue Jay. Feel the warm after glow of an orgasm. Feel it until we all come home. It won’t make you horny because it is just a warm glow that makes you feel satisfied.”
My eyes crossed. My knees got weak. May sound a bit powerful for what he suggested. It really wasn’t though. Think I was commanded to more or less but stuck in a post sexual state which on reflection is kind of funny. How do you feel after sex? Yeah that is what I thought and if not. You’re doing it wrong.
It wasn’t bad. As the day went on I slowly got better at working with it. By the time I could see straight everyone was gone. The drug like effect of the glow made thinking hard and easy. Unlike the day before I didn’t even realize my mind was being forced to think about only certain things. Not that I was compelled to be unaware just the fog of the glow was keeping me blissfully unquestioning.
So by all means play along with me. Oh god I hope that didn’t come out awkward or perverted. Well it is just a personal journal entry. Right Mr. Curse Master? I mean it isn’t like you are going to post this very private and personal account of my sexual feelings on the internet. Right? Note to self. Remember to get my husband to let me edit. I mean I just wrote a question and almost expected an answer in a letter for crying out loud.
Where was I? Oh yes. So thinking how to improve the life of my family(Which includes me) with this curse. Well not being in control means safety first. How to provide safety? Also as we noticed new commands over write old conflicting ones. How to prevent confusion? Then I had it my idea. A list. I could be commanded to be compelled to follow the list. Writing it out means we could ensure the order was proper and we didn’t forget anything. So I began brain storming a list. My version looked something like.
Lexis
1. I cannot harm myself or my family in any physical or legal way and must prevent harm to them if it is in my power to do so.
Yeah see emotional expression is the difference between a forced partner and a freaking wind up toy. My husband agreed.
2. I must express myself honestly with my husband.
3. I must never try to escape and do all in my power to ensure I am never permanently separated from I husband.
4. I must love my husband and my children
Looking over it I couldn’t fault it. The perfect list I thought but then I realized. Well my husband probably intends to command me randomly. So the best line ever became my new top line.
1. I will always be aware of this list. i will always be bound by this list. Each number on this list represents which command can override each other. If a new command is given it will verbally be given a number. It can overwrite any commands with a higher number. At the end of the day any command verbally given to me expires. If a command is not given a number it will match the highest number on this list.
This became my husbands number two command on the list. So feeling content I spent the rest of the day resting in bed. I needed it. Though with the warm feeling it went by really quick. When he got home he revised the list. Here was his version.
1. I must address him as my husband or the kids father.
Why this is number one? I dunno but yes this is why even in the first letter I could not refer to him by his real name.
2. Mentioned above.
3. I cannot harm myself, my husband or my children in any legal or physical way. I must go out of my way to prevent harm to them if I understand it is happening.
4. I must see my husband once a day and will actively seek him out if it has been longer than a day.
5. If my husband dies I am free from all this curse.
You know. You may think I want him to die? Nope I fear that and love that he freed me encase it does happen. After all being compelled to seek him out when he doesn’t exist I imagine would suck.
6. I must pay attention to the kids to see if they are trying to get my attention. If they are. I must give them as much attention as I can safely spare. I also must keep any promise I make to them.
See my version was an emotional bind. His version is physical which is much better. Because I love giving them attention but this way it is really me loving them.
7. Anytime my husband tells me to be unaware of a game. I will instantly forget what he is talking about but act on all of it until he tells me the game is over. At which point I can remember everything from how I acted to what the rules were.
8. I can only have sex with people my husband approves of. This resets daily and yes I need permission for myself. So I can’t masturbate without permission. Arg!
9. Every Friday for the entire day. I will not be able to orgasm, I will feel for every second of the day the glow of an after orgasm. If any external event makes me happy on Friday the warm feeling will double with each new one.
Ever feel the frustrated by the end of the work week? Not me. I can’t feel frustrated on Friday. It is a nice decompression.
10. While the kids are at school I must study. I may switch between any approved study material I have.
11. If I am horny and circumstance put the kids near me. I will not be able to express my arousal in there front of them but I will still feel it.
This one is a life saver. Nothing like a game with my husband that is driving me to the edge of orgasm then a phone call. Kids need a ride. Suddenly to the world I am perfectly normal even though on the inside I am a nuclear bomb waiting to explode!
12. I cannot curse.
Oh my god! My husband just messed with me. Is it bad I want to rape him and kill him? It is the longest game we play. I am still playing right now. Though he has let me write correctly. In my head though I am saying everything cute like. Like every TH sound is coming out like with a D sound. And I feel pretty! Oh god I am blushing. Just saying that I am pretty—oh god makes me feel so good.
The game. The way it works. There is a tiara. When it touches me I have to put it on. I have to put it on. I mean I can’t even imagine not putting it. That would be like cutting off my arm! No! Just no! Plus why would I not want my pretty—oh.. god I am sorry. I need to avid that word. It just feels so nice. My tiara is so…. Nice.
Sorry getting off track. When the tiara makes me a princess. I have to act cute. I have to feel… you know. Tehe. My husband uses this for two reasons. One when he wants to pamper me. I mean imagine it. Him guiding me to the foot rubbing machine as he rubs my back and whispers sweet things in my ear! Oh god! He better not be teasing me! I mean, okay maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he teases me but at some point I better be getting a happy ending! He has me all a flutter! Oh and sometimes he nibbles on me neck and ear or tickles me with his tongue! Mhhh! God even with him telling me to write a bit more accurate it is hard! My cute and pretty—oh god.
Yeah whenever I admit or think of myself as pretty—Mhhh. I … I need a moment. Sorry, oh wait this is a letter. What am I thinking, this is a letter. You wouldn’t know how long it takes me to write this.
The other purpose is for my youngest daughter. We have tea time. Yum, tea. Sorry. I can’t help it! This darn… I mean this lovely and so pretty—mhh… Tiara. See while my mind may be this clustered my body isn’t. If you were here with me, I could say… you know fifty times in a row while doing a jump rope session and carry on a conversation and you wouldn’t realize I was distracted.
So as I was saying. I get the tiara, I then hang out with my daughter. We have a nice and merry tea time. We have one usually about once a week and have a conversation during. She vents her feelings and such. Girl talk. Well kind of. She is young but it is her favorite time of the week. Seeing her happy makes me happy. And it is my favorite time of the week too because my husband usually comes and sweeps me away when she gets tired. Oh he is like my prince!
Oh my that is better. I got my husband to remove the tiara so I could at least end this without sounding like a cute and pretty bimbo princess. See I said pretty! Mew ha ha ha. Not much else to say. I mean day four or five was pretty much the same as any other day. Some interesting days did happen but once you know these first three days you know my life from then on. so Mr. Curse Master. Do you want to know more? Gosh darn it there I go asking questions again. Excuse me I need to go get my husband to fix this.