Benny the Bumbling Bunny
Field Test Performance Review
“Benny have a seat.” Eli said as calmly as he could.
Benny hopped over nervously and took a seat on the small stool. He curled his ears down behind him as the older and wiser bunny glared down at him.
“I suppose you were told why we’re having this meeting.” Eli said.
Benny looked up with hopeful eyes. “To review my performance?”
Eli shook his head, thoughtfully, looking down at the papers spread on the desk before him. This was a difficult situation and the first of its kind in many hundreds of years. He looked back at Benny, the younger bunny still looking bright-eyed yet worried.
“Not really, Benny. I need to inform you that your performance can’t very well be reviewed as you made so many mistakes. You actually failed to even go to the right addresses.” Eli said firmly.
Benny was looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry, I thought I had my list and my eggs right.”
Eli found it so hard to be angry with such a hopeful little bunny. “Benny, You did have your correct location sheet. But you tore the first part of the street address off. You were on the wrong street.” The older bunny paused and looked carefully over the sheets of paper. “But Benny that was only your first problem. You also got some bad eggs. Always check the dates on the eggs before giving them out. Do you know what bad eggs do?”
Benny shook his head, his big floppy ears shaking behind him.
Eli tried to look calm. “Bad eggs create an immediate and overpowering need to be pregnant. Instead of harboring a loving wish to be with child, bad eggs will completely override all moral and ethical boundaries that might otherwise prevent irresponsible behavior. Do you understand?”
Benny looked very shaky now, his little nose twitching as he replied. “Y-yes, but they were on the table in my basket.”
Eli forced a comforting smile. “Yes, that was a mistake on our part. Bad eggs are supposed to be destroyed before the Easter Bunnies pick up their deliveries. You aren’t being held responsible for that oversight. But you also made some other key mistakes as listed in your handbook, which you failed to take with you.”
Benny looked over at the handbook laying on the edge of the large desk. He frowned and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Benny’s just a bad Easter Bunny.”
Eli felt bad for the energetic younger bunny and flipped to the next page of reports on his desk. “You do understand most of your problems originate with you being at the wrong locations. Had you been on the correct street the eggs would not have caused as much disruption. Have you heard the results of your little magic egg deliveries?”
Benny looked up, his ears hanging low over his shoulders. “No, nobody would tell me.”
Eli attempted to seem upbeat as he read from the sheet in front of him. “Well first off a 37 year old teacher by the name of Rebecca spent all weekend having sex with one of her high school students. She was filled with so much sperm that she actually gained twenty pounds in weight. Currently she is home-bound and unable to walk which actually won’t be as much of a problem as explaining why she is now pregnant with triplets.”
Benny shrugged and tried to look Eli in the eyes. “Sorry.”
Eli ignored the comment and went to the next sheet of paper. “Your second delivery resulted in two teenage girls Hilary and Lindsay having sex with two of their classmates repeatedly for two days until they actually passed out. Unfortunately when you affect teenagers the males often won’t quit in situations like this. Even though Hilary and Lindsay fell unconscious their two male friends continued having sex and filling their young bellies full of seed. When they got tired themselves they called over several of their friends. Needless to say Hilary and Lindsay are both now very pregnant each with twins. That’s not even addressing the damage their young bodies took because of so much repeated sex.”
Benny covered one eye with an ear. “I’m really sorry.”
Again Eli ignored the comment and went to the last sheet. This one was a doozy.
“Your final delivery was quite the problem. First off you hid the egg where it was discovered and to top it off was eventually ingested by a teenage girl named Angela. Angela became a fertility goddess in a way. Her young body was so transformed by the bad egg that even her voice became an aphrodisiac to any male within range. Unfortunately her step-father was the only male around her for two days. They spent most of that time packing as much sperm as possible into her super fertile womb. Even more unfortunate the step-father, Sam according to this file, works as a physician at a local Fertility Clinic. He gave Angela drugs to improve her already super fertility and even took some potency pills himself. Poor Angela actually received so much sperm inside her that she immediately began lactating and is now massively pregnant with nine babies. The girl will never be the same even after her delivery as she ingested the egg. She’s now a pregnant girl for life. No man will ever be able to resist filling her with as much sperm as she wants.”
Benny now had both eyes covered and was cowering on the stool. Eli looked down at the bunny and noticed his frightened form. “Benny?” He said getting the younger one’s attention. “You aren’t in trouble.”
Benny peeked out from beneath his ears. “R-r-really?” Benny said.
Eli actually chuckled a little. “Yes Benny. You made mistakes that much is clear. But your deliveries resulted in some new believers, ones we never would have had if you hadn’t taken the wrong street.”
The cowering form of Benny straightened up and looked proud for a brief moment. He saw Eli’s stern look and lowered his ears. “So I didn’t do all bad?”
Eli smiled. “No Benny you didn’t do all bad. Still I do think it’s too early to promote you to full-time Easter Bunny.”
Benny was defeated as he looked down at the floor.
“However that does not mean you don’t have a new job, one I feel you are especially qualified for given your rather bumbling nature.” Eli said.
Smiling widely, Benny looked up and pricked his ears to attention. “You mean I’m gonna be able to continue working here?”
Eli hopped down and went around to Benny. Reaching over to the desk, he pulled down a small rolled sheet of paper.
“Congratulations Benny. You are our newest Recruitment Specialist. You are now fully licensed and ready to begin your career. Here’s your diploma.” Eli said confidently.
Benny took the certificate with shaking paws. His eyes were glassy with near tears. “Wow, I can’t believe it.” He seemed to worry about something for a minute. “Can you tell me what I have to do?”
Grinning, Eli patted Benny on the shoulder. “That’s the easy part Benny. All you have to do is what you already have. Take some of our magic eggs and go out into the world recruiting new believers. Just make deliveries and the higher-ups feel very confident people will be mating like bunnies in no time.” Stopping to consider something, Eli added. “But from now on, let’s try to be more careful about who gets the eggs. Teenage pregnancy is already a problem. We don’t want to make it worse.”
Proudly clutching his diploma, Benny hopped out of the office and off to the snack room to have some carrot cake. He was so happy, he failed to notice the two larger figures go into the office behind him.
“So it went well?” The one darker figure said.
Eli looked up, reluctant to stare at the large menacing form. “Yes, he will be an excellent recruiter.”
The second dark figure smiled in a sinister way. “Perfect. With Benny the bumbling bunny doing our work, we’ll have global bunny domination in no time. Make sure he gets all the bad eggs we have. I want every female he delivers to to be a raging baby maker with nothing better to do than get herself stuffed with sperm.”
Eli looked down and bowed in respect as the dark figures left. “Yes sir. At once sir.”