“Be My Baby”
By Shooter McShoot
CHAPTER 1:
Stanley Ambrose Tallas sat in the breakroom of Clover Autoparts Group eating a sandwich and wondering if it was his name that had doomed him to this existence, for you see today was Stanley’s 35th birthday and he was spending it alone eating his meager ham, and swiss cheese sandwich. Stanley decided to augment this decidedly mediocre lunch with a can of Pepsi cola out of the vending machine. Not that it was his first choice, but there wasn’t a Coke machine at Clover. Stanley hated his name. He’d been mercilessly teased about it in school when he was a young child. His mother had told him that he was named after his great-grandfather who had been something of a beloved grocer and prominent citizen in his hometown of Minnecappa, Minnesota. Stanley was no such thing. No, he was an aimless and fairly friendless sales rep for a rapidly failing car parts company. After finishing his lunch, Stanley still had ten minutes before officially returning to his desk, so he decided to treat himself to a quick game of Ohnyp on his phone. It was one of those brainless Angry Birds clones that people play. Moments into his game, the breakroom door opened and his fellow sales rep Emilia Jensen made her way over to the vending machine and bought herself a granola bar. He was surprised to see her sit down at his table, not quite next to him, but just near enough that it startled him.
“Hi Stan,” She said to him pleasantly.
“H-Hi,” he barely managed to choke out in reply as he set his phone down. She always called him Stan. No one called him Stan but her and how he appreciated the familiarity of it. Emilia was such a bubbly girl. She was 28, he remembered because, on her latest birthday, everyone had gathered in the breakroom for cake and singing. Even the supervisor, Mr. Dunning, had turned up and joined in. That smoldering old toad seldom cracked even the hint of a smile. But with Emilia, it was different. Her medium-length blonde hair was slightly curled and framed her face well. She had full lips that always seemed to be curled upward in a smile, but her eyes had a sleepy quality to them. They were a dazzling blue, but her eyelids often seemed somewhat droopy and tired. Stanley thought it made her look absolutely beautiful. She had a curvy frame, but she wasn’t particularly voluptuous. Don’t get me wrong, she had a nice rear, but it’s not as though her body was that of a supermodel. She was a bit on the short side too, but Stanley thought he would’ve been in love with her no matter what she looked like because she just had such an expressive joy that radiated off of her.
“I see you play Ohnyp too,” she said as she rested her foot on the empty chair next to her. She opened her granola bar and began munching. “I get so into that game for some reason. Like, if I start on it, I end up getting sucked in for hours. It makes me feel good, though.”
“Really?” Stanley asked a bit surprised. It was a fun game, but not nearly that addictive for him. “I usually just play for a few minutes to blow off steam.”
“Mm. You’re lucky that you can do that. Hey, why don’t you add me and we can do some co-op levels? My username is MellowBlondeOhnyp.”
“Sure. I’m TheBigT33. I’ll add you.”
The rest of the break passed quickly and just like that, Stanley was back at his desk cold-calling customers. Some birthday. He did successfully make some sales, but more often than not, Clover’s poor reputation as a bottom-of-the-barrel dealer preceded it. Sometimes customers were terribly rude to him as well. He wondered how Emilia handled it all. She was always so upbeat, he couldn’t understand it. After another failed call he threw his pen down on his desk, removed his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. His deskmate Ross Erikson, a good-natured, if somewhat dim fellow in his late 50s, looked up at him with pity. Ross was a consummate salesman and regularly posted the best numbers among the reps, not that anyone had a particularly high success rate. Still, it made Ross a rather confidant man, something that Stanley envied.
“Hey, don’t let it get you down, kid. Just keep plugging away. Y’know, in my 18 years here I’ve seen all sorts of people crack under the pressure, but you’ve got something kid. I think you can make...”
“Hey Ross, I’m gonna take a quick 5 minutes. Can you cover my calls?” Stanley had no intention of hearing another old war story. Not that he completely disliked old Ross mind you. The older man was a bit of a smarmy asshole, but not a malevolent one.
“Sure, son, sure,” Ross said helpfully. Of course, Ross figured that gave him five minutes to bag an extra sale, so it’s not like he’d complain too much about covering for him.
Stanley didn’t intend to only take 5 minutes. He was going to drag this out a tad longer than that. He figured it would be at least 20 before anyone noticed he was gone. He figured he’d split the difference and take 10. After all, Clover allowed employees a full half hour for breaks each day, not including the 30 minute lunch, but there wasn’t a rule on how to space them out. He did have to clock out though to go outside which was a major pain in the ass. Another Dunning policy to make sure there was less lollygagging. Old toad, he thought to himself again. Just as he was punching his timecard, he noticed Emilia’s was also punched out, and she had been punched out for nearly fifteen minutes. She never took breaks so long normally, he thought. Oh well, he’d get a chance to see her for a moment.
Making his way outside to the smoking area (although Stanley didn’t smoke, it was the only area outside with a few chairs and a little table, so one wasn’t just left standing around), he noticed Emilia sitting on one of the chairs completely engrossed in her phone. She looked as though she wouldn’t notice an earthquake, he thought. Best let her be. Stanley sat and closed his eyes taking a few full deep breaths. It was a crisp fall day in Minnesota, but at least it hadn’t started snowing yet. He liked this weather but remembered that Emilia had been out here for 15 minutes without even her jacket. Surely she was at least a bit chilly.
“Hey Emilia, aren’t you cold?” Stanley began, hopefully trying to sound casual and not like a man with a desperate crush. No answer. That was peculiar. “Emilia?” He tried again. Still, no response. Just the same blank stare at her phone screen. “Emilia, can you hear me?”
“Yes, master. I hear and I obey,” came the drone-like response. Stanley just about dropped a load in his pants. Not to mention the swelling coming from the other end.
“What?!” He asked, doing a mental spit take. “Emilia, are you alright?”
“I’m perfect, master. That is what I am programmed to be.”
“Okay, quit it, this isn’t funny. You need to quit joking around and go back to work!”
“Yes, master,” she said with complete earnestness. She stood up and went back inside without another word to him. She must be kidding, he thought. Some sort of weird joke referencing how addicted she was to playing a game where the title just so happened to be the word “Hypno” scrambled up. Of course, now that you mention it, it is “hypno” all scrambled up. He had never considered that before. Oh well, it’s not as though he was blessed with the natural ability to understand an inside joke. This one was a bit bizarre, though. In any case, he had dallied outside long enough and needed to get back to work. The rest of the day passed uneventfully. He did make one sale in the final 40 minutes of the day, so at least he finished on a positive note. Putting on his jacket, he noticed that Emilia was removing her heels and replacing them with her normal pair of flats. She had always kept her heels in a box at her desk and wore a much more comfortable pair of shoes everywhere else. After completing this task, she stood up, put on her fashionable faux-leather jacket, and her pink and green scarf, and sort of lingered around until she noticed that Stanley was leaving. It seemed to him like she was following, but he couldn’t be sure and didn’t want to cause an awkward moment if she wasn’t.
“Hey Stan, wait up! I was thinking that maybe you’d like to meet up this weekend,” she said, slightly out of breath from rushing to catch up with him.
“Really? You want to hang out with me? Why? I mean, I’m down, sure,” he had sensed an almost pouty look come over her face and couldn’t fathom disappointing her.
“Well, you always seem lonely and stuff,” she said. Ouch, that was a bitter blow. “I was just thinking how good a guy you are and you never come to any of the work hangouts.”
“Well, the work hangouts are mostly you younger guys.”
“What are you talking about, Stan? You’re like my age, right?”
“No, Emilia, I’m like eight years older than you,” he laughed.
“Aren’t you like 28?”
“I’m 35,” She briefly had a surprised expression on her face that he noticed, but it was too late to back out of saying that now. “Today is my 35th birthday.”
“Really?!” She asked, eyes lighting up a bit. God, those beautiful sapphire eyes. Stanley could hardly stand it. “We’ve gotta celebrate, Stan! Come on, we’ll go out tonight, just you and me!”
She briefly looped her arm around his and laid her head against his shoulder. Well, more like his forearm than his shoulder. Stanley was 6′2 and Emilia was about 5′2, so his shoulder was a bit out of reach for her. His face quickly flushed at this contact.
“You’ve got a really fluffy arm,” she said dreamily. Stanley assumed it was just her way of saying that he was fat and soft. Not that he was fat, just a bit chubby. He was built a bit like Emilia. Although on a guy, it’s usually considered less attractive (unless one likes those dadbods). She stayed like that, looped against him, as they walked together. Stanley wasn’t quite sure what to say when they reached his car. He couldn’t get into his pocket to get his keys, so they just sort of stood still while she held onto him with her eyes closed. It felt very weird to him and he brushed his wavy brown hair back after a particularly snappy breeze knocked a few strands into his eyes.
“Emilia, this is me. Don’t you need to get to your car? Why don’t you tell me where you want to meet up?”
“Oh no, I never drive here. I usually take a carpool with Mindy Levinson in accounting.”
“Isn’t she expecting you, then?”
“Oh no, I told her I was catching a ride with you this afternoon.”
“Oh, alright,” Stanley said. Eventually, Emilia let him go, got into his car, and happily chatted with him as they drove away. Of course, Emilia hadn’t actually told Mindy that she was going with Stanley or anyone else that night. So, poor Mindy ended up waiting 40 minutes before deciding to leave when Emilia sent her an apologetic text explaining that she was working overtime and would catch the bus home.
Stanley, of course, was delighted that Emilia wanted to go out with him to celebrate his birthday, but there was an eerie suspicion that he had. Perhaps something was a bit off about it. I mean, sure, Emilia was a sweetheart and had always been so friendly to him, but they weren’t really friends. Then he thought back to earlier during their break when she had behaved so out of it. Like she was hypnotized. She called him “master” for goodness sake!
“So, I don’t want to be rude, but what was that joke you were playing earlier today?”
“What joke, Stan?”
“When you were sitting outside and acting like a zombie. I mean, you were like in a trance...”
“I dunno what you’re talking about, Stan. I was only outside for a few minutes for a quick game of Ohnyp, and then I went inside. I didn’t see you at all. I added you, though.”
“But... Didn’t...” Stanley couldn’t even form a coherent sentence now. This was all too weird. Oh well, so maybe she spaced out and had some kind of out-of-body experience? Yeah, that’s the ticket! Or, maybe she’s just pulling my leg? No, she seems serious. By that time, they’d been hanging out awhile and drinking more than their fair share of beers. Emilia was so lively, he thought. Playing darts and challenging all comers while he cheered her on. She had tried to get him to do some karaoke too, but that was just a bridge too far for Stanley Tallas. It didn’t stop her from belting out “Be My Baby” by the Ronettes. God, he wanted her to be his baby... But, that moment during the break just wouldn’t leave his mind. Something was off. It was like he couldn’t get it out of his head.
“Hey, you know “Ohnyp” is an anagram of “Hypno”, right?” He tried to ask her casually. “I was thinking that maybe you get so addicted to it because you’re one of those people that gets hypnotized easily,” he tried to word that delicately. He didn’t want it to come off like he thought she was stupid. By this time they were in the car and Emilia was a little tipsy but not drunk. Stanley had always held his booze well, so he wasn’t even buzzed. He thought since she was relaxed that it might be a good moment to broach the subject.
“I dunno,” she said thoughtfully. “I guess it’s like highway hypnosis. I used to get that too. It’s why I don’t like to drive anymore,” she said. “I just get so focused on things, it’s like I lose myself so easily because I get so into it. You get it, right, Stan?”
“Yeah, I get it,” he lied. He didn’t get it at all.
“Maybe you were still feeling hypnotized earlier when you called me master,” he said. Emilia scrunched up her nose and gave him the most incredulous look. “I know you said you didn’t see me during the break, but I saw you. I tried to talk to you. You just responded like a zombie and called me master. It was weird and I thought you were joking. Maybe the app put you into a trance.”
“I called you what?” Emilia almost laughed. “Oh my god, that’s too funny! Hey, do you wanna come in and watch a movie? Night’s still young.”
“Emilia, it’s almost eleven o’clock at night...”
“Oh come on, you old fart! It’s Friday! Plus, it’s your birthday! I won’t take no for an answer!”
Stanley couldn’t argue with that. Not that he didn’t make the attempt to do so. The little angel on his shoulder was begging him to argue. Something’s very wrong here. Nothing’s making sense. It’s not a dream! But then, his little devil argued that it was his birthday and he really liked Emilia and this was the perfect chance to hang out... But then, the little devil on his shoulder took the argument even further. Why not play a round of Ohnyp with her? Get her into a trance and then: Make her your baby. Stanley liked that idea, evil as it may be. But, he resisted at first. Throughout the movie. It was just some random comedy that he barely paid an attention to as he tried to wrestle with both his desire and his sense of morality, not to mention legality. Finally, he thought, well, maybe once wouldn’t hurt. Nothing permanent, just a fun time, and then that would be it.
“Hey Emilia, this movie’s kind of a drag, huh? Wanna play a level of Ohnyp with me?”
“Dude,” she very nearly yelped with anticipation. “I’ve been wanting to do that since we got here! Let’s do it!”
He had warned her about the app. They’d talked about it and yet, she seemed like she was either okay with it, or didn’t believe him. Stanley was ready to find out if Ohnyp was as hypnotically addictive as it seemed to be.