Why Can’t I Have You?
It had been a long week. I have been in Las Vegas for a work related convention. You would think that would be a wonderful place to have to go for work wouldn’t you? The truth is Brilliant Solutions, the company I work for, didn’t really give its employees a chance to enjoy it. We seemed to have speaker after speaker, then workshop after workshop, and none of it was running on time. By the time the day would be done it was all I could do to have dinner and crawl into bed. Except of course the times we had work related dinners too. Fortunately the convention had ended earlier today and it was time to relax.
I had decided ahead of time that I was going to take some much needed time off and stay in Las Vegas. I had been with this company long enough to know that I wasn’t going to get any relaxation time on this trip so I decided to create some for myself, at least I could charge the air fare to the company if not the extra hotel nights. Tonight was the first official night of my vacation. Our wrap up speaker had finished a few hours earlier and I was eager to hit the casinos. I did manage to take off my name tag saying “Liz”, I was tired of people knowing my name everywhere I went at the Mirage Hotel. I was going to be there completely alone, most of the others were already at the airport preparing to fly home. They seemed a little confused when I said I didn’t need to share a cab to the airport because I was staying a few extra days. I ignored all the sly comments about how I must be meeting someone here or how I was off for a rendevous. If they only knew how far from the truth that was. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had been on a date, nor did I really have any interest in going on one. I was looking forward to time alone, just me and the slot machines. So this is where I am now. So eager was I to get here that I did not even change my outfit. I was still in the skirt and sweater with black flats that I’d been wearing all day. My dark hair was pulled back comfortably in a clip. Have you ever noticed that people playing slot machines seem to go into a trance? They just stare at the screen and push buttons, unaware of the sounds around them, the smoky atmosphere, the chatter of people, or even the cocktail waitresses offering free drinks. That is where I was, in that “zone.” Thought was not necessary, it was soooooooo nice.
“Guess who!” I heard a voice say as a pair of hands covered my eyes. Annoyed at being jarred out of my thoughtless zone I looked to see Robert. I groaned internally. If I had picked which co-worker I’d have least wanted to see right now he was the one. It wasn’t that he wasn’t an ok guy, we had a pleasant enough working relationship. It wasn’t that he wasn’t good looking, with his dark hair, blue eyes, and disarming smile he was actually quite attractive. The problem with Robert was that he could not take no for an answer. He’d made no secret in recent months that he had an interest in me that went beyond our working relationship. As time had gone on I’d found I could no longer have a casual conversation with him, he was just too forward. The flirting I could have stood, but he would find ways to make sure our bodies made contact and his invitations of lunch and/or dinner did not seem to wane with my refusals. I had spent a large part of the convention making sure I sat in a different part of the room from him when we were in the same space. I just wasn’t interested. He was not my type, a charmer, a flirt, something about him did not seem genuine and for this reason I had avoided his advances. To see him here now was disheartening. I sure hoped he just had a later flight and was doing a little gambling on his way to get a ride to the airport.
Mustering up a phony laugh I informed Robert that he had scared me to death. I noticed that he, like me, was still in his convention clothes..which for him was a suit. Unfortunately the slot machine next to me was unoccupied so he sat down next to me. We made some idle chit chat about the convention, how we felt about the speakers, which workshops were helpful, etc. I contined to play the machine, not making a lot of eye contact with him, hoping he’d get the idea that he was intruding a bit. I also noted that he did not play the machine in front of him, which meant he was sitting here for the sole purpose of talking to me. I commented that I was surprised to see him here, as most of “us” (meaning the company employees) had taken off earlier in the day. He responded by asking me why I was still there, though he didn’t seem surprised by it. I said I had decided to stay a bit longer and enjoy the parts of Vegas I didn’t have time for during the work related part of the trip. He agreed with me that free time had been in short supply and said he was staying longer as well. “Shit!", I thought..that is all I need. He then asked me if I had had dinner. I quickly said I had. This was a lie of course but I did not care, I wasn’t spending my precious alone time with Robert. I was already resenting the hell out of him for intruding as much as he had. He looked a little disappointed when he said, “oh” but he quickly bounced back. He then asked me if I would like to have a drink instead. Do you see what I mean about Robert? He just can’t take no for an answer. I pondered my answer for a minute. I did not want to give up a minute of my precious time here to be with this guy, but maybe if I said yes he’d leave me alone after that. Surely he was meeting someone here, a female friend or some guys for male bonding....most people wouldn’t stay alone as I did. Resigning myself to spending the next couple of hours with this man I forced a smile and said that sounded nice.
I continued to play for a bit, hoping that maybe he’d get tired and leave. At the very least I hoped he’d put some money in the slots and distract himself from me. His constant gaze on me was really making me uncomfortable. But no, he continued to sit there and talk to me....occassionally offering gambling advice and finding ways to “casually” touch my arm from time to time. Finally I gave up, he obviously wasn’t going to leave and he was distracting me to the point that I was losing all of my hands on the video card game I’d chosen to play. I cashed out what little money I had left and he said, “how about that drink now.” Eeking out another phony smile I followed him to a bar in the hotel. There were a small amount of people in the bar listening to some live music. The music was actually pretty good and while it was not overpoweringly loud it was loud enough that a lot of conversation would probably be unnecessary. This was a small consolation.
Robert took a table in the corner, which was part booth and part chairs for seating. He sat in the booth and I looked at the chair thinking that was a good option. He must have noticed me eyeing the chair because he patted the booth spot next to him. I sat down on the booth, cursing myself for not being a stronger willed person. The waitress came, wearing a leather top and leather shorts, with fishnets and leather boots. I couldn’t help but notice that Robert eyed her appreciately and wondered why he couldn’t have just come here and flirted with the pretty waitress and left me alone. He ordered a gin and tonic for himself and a strawberry margarita for me. She brought the drinks back quickly and Robert paid for them. Being cheap is not one of Roberts flaws. I was enjoying the performers so I sat back and focused on them, trying to forget who I was with. When I felt a puff of air in my ear I realized that Robert must have blown in my ear. I pondered ignoring it and decided I was only inviting more of that if I did so I looked right at him. He gave me that disarming smile and commented something about there being a draft in the room. I said nothing, cursing myself again for being so passive.
I sipped my drink and tried to again lose myself in the music. I sang a little and moved slightly in my chair. When the lead singer stopped singing and spent some time talking to the audience he turned his gaze on us. He asked where “this lovely couple was from.” Why bother correcting him that we were not a couple? Smiling, Robert told him we were from Arizona. Robert then looked at me and said, “it’s no secret that I am interested in you.” Now I knew I’d made a mistake. I should have said I was tired, gone to my room and made reservations somewhere else for tomorrow. Deciding it was time to stop pretending this wasn’t happening I looked at him and told him he was making me uncomfortable and if he couldn’t stop I was going to leave. He backed off with a smile that I couldn’t read and made the comment, “it’s not like I’m your boss.” I wanted to say, “no you aren’t, you just aren’t my type” but politeness froze the words on my lips. Instead I excused myself to the bathroom to regain my composure. While in there I made up my mind that I would finish my drink and be out of there, then I would get up early and stay somewhere else. I couldn’t deal with this all week.
I sat down to finish my drink and was pleasantly surprised when Robert made no more attempts to make conversation with me. I enjoyed a couple of more songs and said it was time for me to turn in. Robert didn’t argue with me, which made me happy. I was disappointed when he got up with me, I had sort of hoped he’d just stay in the bar...maybe flirt with the pretty waitress. Of course he was going to insist on walking me out. He said he was going to turn in himself so he would walk with me all the way. I supposed I could stand this for a few more minutes.
As we made our way to the elevators that would take us to the rooms I realized that I was very tired. I guess the week was really catching up on me because even walking was taking some effort. As we neared the elevator Richard suddenly stopped and faced me, startling me and making me feel uncomfortable. I started to ask him what he was doing when he reached into his pocket and took out something blue dangling on a chain, a crystal I think but it was getting a little hard to focus. Not even forcing a laugh this time I asked him what he was doing and pushed the thing out of my face. He put it away with a smile that almost said, “what’s the big deal?” but he said nothing.
Inside the elevator my level of tiredness increased. Robert pushed the floor number and I noticed he only pushed the button for my floor. I asked him what floor he was on, thinking he’d forgotten to push the button, and he said he was on the same floor as me. I didn’t like the sound of this, I’d have to get up early to make sure I didn’t run into him tomorrow. I said that I hadn’t realized we were on the same floor. Did he say, “I made sure to notice.” Surely I had misheard him. When we got to the floor he began leading me in a direction I was sure was wrong. I told him my room was the other way and he said he was sure I was wrong. I felt indignant, surely I knew which way my room was...I’d been there a week. Then a wave of sleepiness hit me and I began to doubt myself. Silently I followed him, wanting this evening to be over.
We got to a door and I began to fumble in my purse for a key. Robert offered assistance, took my key and quickly turned around to open the door rushing me through it. I knew instantly that this wasn’t my room. Robert saying, “I guess this is my room after all,” confirmed it. He’d done this on purpose! I was so angry. I just needed to get out of here, but Robert was physically blocking my path. My heart started to beat fast. What did he think was going to happen? That I’d jump into bed with him just because he got me into his room? I protested saying I needed to go, started to move towards the door and he pushed me to the bed. He started talking, but his voice sounded very far away. Why did I feel so tired? “Liz, you aren’t going anywhere,” I heard. I felt hands sliding under my skirt. I tried feebly to push his hands away without success. I was so weak. Oh Robert could overpower me any day of the week to be sure, but tonight I felt I had no strength at all, not even the strength to scream. Hands slid my sweater off over my head, so I crossed my arms over my chest feeling exposed though my bra was still on. I again tried to get to the door and again was easily pushed back down on the bed. My skirt was pulled off of me along with my panties and I felt myself being pushed back on the bed. I protested but even my own voice sounded distant now. I felt something being slid on my left ankle, some sort of restraint? It was hard to tell because my vision was blurred too. Then the other ankle was restrained too. I was still holding my arms across my chest, like I had any ability to defend myself. I wasn’t surprised to feel them being uncrossed and the bra sliding off. Soon my wrists met the same fate as my ankles and I was completely defenseless on the bed. I could see that Robert had removed his jacket.
In a weak voice I asked him what he was doing. He informed me that he’d tried it the nice way, invited me out many times, and my refusal of dinner tonight was my last chance. He had learned through the grapevine that I was staying longer and altered his own plans accordingly. He thought it might be an ideal time to get me past whatever my hangup was about him. However, he knew it probably wouldn’t go that way so he’d made a contingency plan. What did he mean? I felt sick and scared. He was going to rape me, I knew that just as sure as I knew anything in my life. Was he going to be violent? Why couldn’t I scream? What would he do after he had had me? We worked together. Maybe he would decide that it was too risky to let me stay alive. In a panic I imagined every worse case scenerio I could think of. Yet he just stood there, over me, still wearing his dress shirt and suit pants. He had a smile on his lips, but not his usual disarming smile. Maybe if I closed my eyes I could pretend it wasn’t happening until it was over. I felt a lump in my throat and tears forming in my eyes. Robert sat on the bed next to me. He touched my forehead with his finger, trailing his fingers down the bridge of my nose, down my neck, across my torso, rested them between my thighs for a moment, and then down my right leg all the way to my toes. “Sleepy yet?", he asked. “The sleeping pill I put in your drink should be taking full affect by now.” That explained it, the wave of sleepiness, why even focusing on walking was difficult, why I couldn’t fight him at all.
He got up for a minute, and came back with headphones that didn’t appear to be attached to anything. He slid them over my ears and kissed my lips, almost gently, as he did it. I shuddered at that kiss. A voice began playing in my ears. It was Roberts voice, recorded obviously. I was so sleepy by this point that the words seemed muddled. What was it saying? Robert is your master, you want to obey Robert, you need Robert, you ache for his touch, you adore Robert, it just seemed to go on and on. There was that blue crystal again, swinging back and forth in front of me. Without meaning to my eyes followed it, back and forth, back and forth. The voice in the headphone became more and more distant, though I had some vague awareness that it seemed to be looping over and over again repeating the same words. I felt confused, what was he doing? Why didn’t he just do this and spare me the wait? The crystal really was pretty, shiny, sparkling, back and forth, back and forth. I was so tired, my eyelids fluttered, finally closing. Then I felt the hand. His hand was on my body again, I didn’t want to open my eyes and wasn’t sure I could have even if I’d tried. His voice looped on in my ear, “Robert is your master.” My cheek was being stroked softly, then wandering down to caress my neck. A pair of lips kissed my neck, butterfly kisses almost. God please stop I thought, as the voice continued, “you need Robert.” I struggled against the restraints but I didn’t stand a chance. Maybe the drug would just put me to sleep and I wouldn’t remember any of this. Softly, almost as though he was toying with me, he tilted my head up and kissed softly from my chin down my neck, and down my chest before gently resting his lips on my nipple and sucking, “you ache for his touch.” Hands slid down my sides, I twitched a little at the almost tickling sensation, then moved down my stomach almost caressing. This was torture, why couldn’t he just do it and get it over with (you adore Robert)? Lips teased my stomach resting between my legs and kissing right over my sex. I jerked in a useless attempt to get away from those lips (you want to obey Robert). Those hands stroking my inner thighs, I was almost nauseated by the thought that for a split second, it felt sort of nice (you adore Robert). I tensed as I felt his lips clamp around my sex and suck. It only lasted a second, though it seemed longer, and he stopped (you need Robert). Over the headphones I could hear him talking, but couldn’t make out the words. Maybe there was still a chance he wouldn’t do this. Maybe I could talk him out of this. I said, “maybe I was too hasty in refusing dinner, why don’t we spend a little time together and get to know each other.” In retrospect I realize the stupidity of what I was saying, but I was desperate and not thinking clearly (Robert is your master). He laughed softly, “I’m afaid the time for that is long past.”
He walked away, to the bathroom. Next thing I knew a washcloth was being forced over my mouth. A strong smell filled my mouth and nostrils. The lights had been turned off but I realized that Robert was no longer in his suit, in fact he was wearing nothing. What little vision I had left started to fade to black and all I could see were flashes of light that I knew were being created in my mind by the drug. I had no idea what sort of drug I was breathing in, I just knew the head rush was instantaneous. That voice was still there in my ears (you adore Robert). My head was spinning, I felt like I was going to spill off the bed. It was as though my mind and my body were having a parting of the ways. I felt Roberts’ hands on me again, and it almost seemed to steady me...something stable in the dizzy state I was in. Robert removed the washcloth and his lips were on mine, but they weren’t gentle this time, they were hungry. His tongue forced against mine, his body over mine. I was so confused, but the fear was subsiding. I was too out of it to be fearful anymore. I felt his cock finding my sex and forcing it’s way in. The flashing lights slowly faded as I breathed clean air, but I was still sleepy from the drug (you need Robert). He continued to fuck me, it almost felt good...but I was too out of it to enjoy or not enjoy it. I vaguely remember him cuming before I finally passed out from the evenings events.
When I came to the light was shining through the window. I was alone in the bed and for a minute I thought I had dreamed the previous evenings events. As I regained use of my eyes though, I knew I was not in my room. The restraints were gone, the headphones were not on my ears, but there was no mistaking that I was in Roberts’ room. I became aware of a rustling in the bathroom, Robert of course. He walked out of the bathroom, still wearing nothing. He gave me that disarming smile and said, “Good morning sunshine.” I opened my mouth to answer and found myself devoid of words. As I remembered that I was nude I pulled the sheet up to try and hide my body. He moved quickly to pull the sheet back down. “We’ll not have any more of that” he said as he kissed my forehead. I stared at him feeling confused. I realized I’d never noticed before how his blue eyes sparkled, how easy it would be to look into them and get lost. What was I thinking? I shook my head trying to clear it. Before I could gather my senses though he kissed my lips, and hard. I started to protest then found myself giving in. Common sense ruled again, for probably the last time. I broke the kiss and said I needed to get back to my room. “Leaving so soon?", he asked. “I don’t think you are going anywhere.” He kissed me again and I found myself leaning back on the bed. I have to admit, the kiss tasted good and I found myself wanting more. As though they had a life of their own I felt my arms wrapping around his body, almost pulling him down on me. He whispered in my ear, “I think you can cancel your own room for the rest of your stay, don’t you?” “Yes master”, I replied. Where did that come from? Yet strangely, I found myself looking forward to the rest of my stay, with Robert.