Story: Hypno Dude
Author: Hypnobubbles
Synopsis: Hypno Dude tries to score with a hot chick.
Tried to write a typical dumb “guy walks into a place to hypnotize the hot clerk into performing sexual favors” story. As alway, it turned out a little silly. Here goes!
“Hi there.”
“Hiya, what can I get you?”
“You work here?”
“Uhm… yeah.”
“Really? Nice.”
“Yes, I really work here.“
“Uh huh.”
“That’s why I’m standing behind this counter, wearing an apron, asking what you want.”
“Cool. So, what kind of place is this again?”
“It’s called a coffee shop.”
“Oh, right.”
“Where you, the customer, could purchase a hot beverage. I mean, in case you want one.”
“I see.”
“Like, right now. If you wish.”
“Um hum.”
“And since you happen to be at the front of the line...”
“Right, right. Uhm… well… yeah, I’d like a coffee please.”
“Of course sweetie. And what kind of coffee would you like specifically?”
“Dunno. Just something. I really came here for something else anyway.”
“Oh?!”
“Yeah.”
“What else did you come for?”
“For you I guess. See, I’m that Hypno Dude character who’s been around lately.”
“You don’t say!”
“It’s true!”
“Wowie… that’s… really something. I guess.”
“It is, and now I’m standing right before you!”
“Well aren’t I lucky!”
“Yes, you are. In a certain way at least...”
“Only problem is, I haven’t really watched the news lately. So who are you again?“
“I am Hypno Dude! The guy who wanders through town hypnotizing hot chicks into having sex with him.”
“Oh, you’re that guy? Impressive! My name’s Bobbles.“
“Hello Bobbles, nice to meet you.”
“Pleasure’s all mine. By the way, I got voted most suggestible barista of the year twice. Just, you know, FYI.”
“Mmm, nice. You’re pretty hot. I might want to hypnotize you.”
“Oh, that’s so flattering. Your compliment has made my nipples stand up, even through my apron. See?“
“Yeah. Wow, you have, like, nice boobs.”
“Thank you. People tell me that all the time. I hear I have a great ass too.”
“Nice.”
“Yeah.”
“Care to show me?”
“What, show you? My ass?!”
“Yeah. I totally dig hot chicks with nice asses.”
“I bet you do. But no, I’m not going to show you my ass. I’m trying to be professional about my job.”
“Oh.”
“Yep. Baristas don’t show customers their asses.”
“Of course not. I was just kidding anyway. Funny huh?”
“Hilarious.”
“Good. So, uhm… you want to take a look at my pocket watch?”
“Your pocket watch?”
“Yes, my pocket watch.”
“Who on earth uses a pocket watch in this day and age?”
“I do. It’s a ‘special’ kind of watch. Wanna see?”
“Oh…kay… sure, go ahead and dangle it before my eyes. There’s just, like, twenty people waiting behind you, all on their lunch break. But it’s okay, I think they can all wait for Hypno Dude and his amazing pocket watch.”
“Okay, I’ll be quick about it. Here goes, see this?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t it totally awesome?”
“It’s okay I guess. Looks a little shabby.”
“That’s because it’s really old!”
“Does it still work?”
“No. I mean, not as a timepiece.”
“Hmm. Then why do you keep it?”
“It’s been a gift from my deceased grandfather. The one who was a real casanova.”
“God bless his horny soul.”
“Yeah. Uhm, he gave the watch to me on his death bed.”
“Oh I’m sure he did. Grampa had a sense for drama, hadn’t he?”
“Yeah. So, feeling hypnotized yet?”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You’ve been looking at my pocket watch, haven’t you.”
“Indeed I have.”
“Good. And I swayed it before your eyes.”
“You kind of did.”
“So, feeling its hypnotic effects?”
“Uuuhm… a little maybe.”
“Cool. You want to take off all your clothes then?”
“What?! No thanks sweetie, I don’t think I do.”
“But… I have this watch and you looked right at it.”
“True, but as I said before, I don’t want to risk losing my job. And I don’t feel particularly hypnotized from what you did so far.”
“Oh. Okay, no problem. By the way… I also have… this.”
“A spiral thingie. Neato.”
“Yes. And look what it can do.”
“Oooh, it rotates! Wowie, amazing what technology can do these days.”
“Yeah, it’s a nice little gadget. Makes you feel pretty hypnotized doesn’t it?”
“It kind of does.”
“Kind of?”
“Well, it’s a rotating spiral.”
“Good. You find me very arousing.”
“I what?!”
“You. Find me arousing. Very arousing, matter of fact.”
“What the hell should I find arousing about you? Do you think I’m into pale faced nerds?”
“Hey! I may be a pale faced nerd, but…”
“Relax sweetie, I was just kidding. You’re cute and all, but I don’t exactly find you arousing.”
“Oh dear you mean I got friend zoned already?”
“What zoned?”
“Friend zoned. You know, when chicks don’t see you as potential partners any more.”
“Oh dear. Uhm… let’s say, you’d definitely have to hypnotize me if you were planning to score with me.”
“Oh. I get it. But, didn’t I, like, hypnotize you already?”
“No sweetie. You showed me your gadgets. That’s not hypnotism. That’s being a show off at best.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. You’re not a hypnotist.”
“What?! But… I’m Hypno Dude!”
“Sorry sweetums.”
“Oh god that’s…”
“A little awkward to have such a promising name and then screw up? I guess it is.”
“Yeah. Thing is… I would really really like to do sexual stuff to you.”
“I figured that much. Unfortunately for you, I would really really like tend to my other customers now.”
“Aw. Okay, I get it. Sorry to bother you. I’ll be back some other time.”
“Of course. Have a nice day, Hypno Dude.”
“You too, Bobbles.”
“By the way, you forgot your coffee!”
“My coffee?”
“Yes, you ordered it, remember?”
“Oh yes. Uhm… what did I order again?”
“Dunno. Just something. Here, I made it for you.”
“Okay. Thank you and see you soon. Hey, wow, the foam resembles a spiral!”
“For you. Don’t look too deeply into it. Bye.”
“Bobbles!”
“Hypno Dude!”
“Yeah, it’s me again.”
“You picked a quieter hour! Bravo!”
“I figured that it would make the process a lot easier.”
“The process?”
“Well, the process of me hypnotizing you.”
“Oh, that. Clever boy!”
“Thank you. I also have a new thing I’d like to show you. Namely, this.”
“Oh. Wow! It’s tiny! What is it?”
“It’s a vial of mind control serum.”
“Mind control serum? Ew, I bet it tastes bitter.”
“I think it does. I tried it on my sister yesterday.”
“Your sister?! Sicko!”
“No, no, I didn’t, like… do things to her.”
“You didn’t?”
“No! What kind of guy would do… things… to his own sister?”
“Dunno, a perverted mind controller perhaps?”
“Yes. See? And I am totally not… well… let’s just say, I am not that perverted.“
“Oh that’s a relief.”
“Yeah. So, uhm, you want to drink this now?”
“You’re asking me if I would like to drink the liquid inside that little glass tube?”
“Yes.”
“The very liquid you just refered to as ‘mind control serum’?”
“Mhm.”
“How about no?“
“Aw.”
“People don’t drink mind control serums deliberately, silly. Especially not ‘hot chicks’ like me who get offered strange liquids by nerds. You’d have to at least slip it into my drink somehow.”
“I see.”
“Like, this is my water bottle here behind the counter. I frequently drink from it whenever I’m thirsty.”
“Cool. Would you mind handing it to me for a second?”
“The bottle?”
“Yes.”
“Oh come on, how ditzy do you think I am? Give me a little credit, Hypno Dude!”
“Sorry. You’re a blonde.”
“Excuse me! I go to college! This is just a part time job I do. You’re being sexist.”
“Well… maybe I am being a little sexist. But that’s just because I got turned down a lot by hot chicks like you!”
“Maybe you should stop calling us chicks then.”
“You called yourself a chick before!”
“I… well I was being sarcastic.”
“Uh huh. But you’re really not going to give me that bottle?”
“No.”
“Or drink the serum?”
“No! Not unless you somehow make me.”
“Do you have a funnel?”
“Excuse me?!”
“I can’t think of another way.”
“Another way than forcibly pouring your serum into my mouth with a funnel?”
“Noo, not that.”
“Then what?”
“Uhm… nothing.”
“Nothing my ass.”
“Your ass...”
“Oh come on now, I bet that was exactly your plan with the funnel.“
“Okay. Jeez. I admit it. I am not good at slipping people mind control drugs.”
“No you’re not. You got to be the most untalented mind controller in the world.”
“What? I’m not untalented! You’re just being… difficult.”
“That’s my specialty.”
“It sucks. If this was, like, happening in a story, it would be a pretty depressing read.”
“Well sweetie, if you think this encounter should get more interesting, you should come up with something fresh.”
“I… I am Hypno Dude, dammit! Hypnotizer of hot chicks! Master of… of hot-chick-hypnotizery. What could be fresher than that?”
“It’s been done a bazillion times before.”
“What has been done?”
“The whole ‘guy walks into a business, somehow mind controls the sexy young clerk, makes her undress and suck him off’ deal.”
“Okay, but what’s wrong with me doing it once more, and to you?”
“Tell me, you big Master Bator, exactly how many… ‘hot chicks’ have you hypnotized so far?”
“Oh. Uuuuuh… well… there’s my sister…”
“Wow, congratulations!”
“She’s not the only one of course!”
“So you consider your sister hot?”
“What?! Noo I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, yeah she is hot but I would never think of her that way.”
“Of course not. But there are other ‘chicks’ in your power, I assume?”
“Just… her, and… my mother.”
“Oh god. Your mother?!”
“Yeah, well, tranced her for testing.”
“Is she hot?”
“She’s my mother!”
“Yes. But is she hot?”
“She’s… old.”
“In a hot way?”
“She’s fourty five.”
“That’s not old, dummy. And you’re not answering my question. Is. Your. Mother. Hot. Questionmark.”
“Uhm… yeah I guess she is. In a MILF sort of way.”
“Nice ass on her huh?”
“Yeah, how did you…”
“I guessed. You’re clearly an ass man. Or should I say, ass boy. You have been staring at my ass whenever i turned my back at you.”
“Okay. Guilty as charged. Yes, I am an ass man.”
“Ass boy. Lusting after your own mother.”
“I didn’t say that! Why do you keep implying I am incestuous?”
“To tease you, silly. That’s my way of dealing with untalented mind controllers.”
“You just wait. I’m going to show you more talent than you can handle.”
“Please do.”
“Oh, you’re asking for it now?”
“Of course, silly. I am a hypnofetishist. Way into hypnosis and mind control.”
“You… wait, you are? Really?!”
“Yes. Why else would I be working in a place called the ‘Happy Spiral Coffee Shop’?”
“Whoops. Oh my, I never noticed the name, or made that connection.”
“Then you are even more clueless than I thought.”
“Okay, granted. But tell me one thing—if you have a fetish for hypnosis and mind control…”
“Yes?”
“Why the hell do you make such a fuss about drinking my serum?”
“I’m not making a ‘fuss’ okay, I am just reluctant to deliberately swallow mind control drugs.”
“But why?!”
“Because if I wanted to be obedient towards you, I could simply do so by my own free will.“
“Yeah, but aren’t you into being helpless and such?”
“There is just not much sense in deliberately taking a mind control drug. That’d just be stupid. If you want me you have to take me.”
“Okay, I am taking you! I hereby order you to drink this!”
“No. I don’t have to obey you until I drank it. So I won’t drink it.”
“But… that’s…”
“That’s the way it is sweetie, deal with it.”
“Okay. But isn’t telling me of your fetish kind of the same?“
“The same as what?”
“The same as deliberately taking the serum?”
“How is it anything like that?“
“Well, you’re revealing a huge weakness there. Knowing of your fetish I could take advantage of it.”
“Then in gods name do! All it takes is a little effort and creativity.”
“Okay. So I should ‘conquer’ your mind rather than ask for it?”
“Might be worth a try. But please, let’s try some other time. Right now, you should be a good boy and place your coffee order.”
“I don’t really want coffee. And I’m certainly not a good boy. I’m Hypno Dude!”
“Hypno Dude, this is a coffee shop and you can’t bother me forever unless you buy something.“
“Okay… jeez. Uhm… I’ll take a glass of water then.”
“Sure, spoil yourself. Here you go.”
“Thank you.”
“Refreshing huh?”
“Mhm. Wait… you didn’t… put stuff into this did you?“
“Oooh maybe I did. Maybe something to snatch away your free will.”
“Oh god. Really?!”
“No. But a pretty strong aphrodisiac.”
“What?! Oh god… I think I’m feeling it...”
“Are you? Relax sweetie, there is nothing actually in there.”
“Eep! I must have imagined it then…”
“You look cute when you’re blushing.”
“You’re an awful tease, Bobbles!”
“Hypno Dude!”
“Bobbles!”
“How’s it going? How’s your mother and sister? On their knees, worshipping you all day?”
“What?! No! Eww!”
“Aww. Okay.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Oh I don’t know. I’m a little under-tranced lately, I guess.”
“Oh I can help you with that.”
“Can you?”
“Yes. It just so happens I have something new. This.”
“Jesus christ!!! You brought a snake?!”
“Indeed I have. Isn’t it cute?”
“No!!! It’s terrifying!”
“Oh lovely, you’re scared of snakes?”
“Yes and I swear to god if you get any closer I wet myself where I stand.”
“That might be fun to watch.”
“Don’t. You would regret it.”
“But look at its eyes, they are pretty hypnotic.”
“They are evil.”
“They are not evil. Besides, the snake isn’t even poisonous.”
“Oh isn’t that a relief! Neither is the giant spider on your shoulder!”
“What?!! Eeew!”
“Just kidding.”
“Oh god. Okay, now you got me.”
“Please for heaven’s sake, try something else okay? I’m scared of snakes.”
“But… this thing was expensive and rather difficult to obtain!”
“Sorry Hypno Dude. No snakes allowed in the Happy Spiral Coffee Shop!”
“Aww. Okay. But you should put up a sign!”
“A sign?”
“Yeah, about your snake ban.”
“There is a sign.”
“Really?”
“Right over there at the door. It clearly says ‘No Snakes’.”
“Wow, you weren’t even kidding. Okay sorry then. I’ll be back some other time.”
“Good. Have a nice one. You, not the snake.”
“You too.”
“Bobbles?”
“No, I’m Wobbles. Bobbles is not on duty today.”
“Oh. You look… similar. In a number of ways. But different in another.”
“Different from Bobbles?”
“Yeah. You look uhm…”
“Fatter?”
“No! Of course not! I mean… you do have more luscious curves.”
“You don’t say!”
“That’s all.”
“That’s a nice way of saying I’m fat isn’t it?”
“I’m trying to be polite.”
“Try harder next time.”
“Okay. Sorry!”
“Hmph.”
“Nice rack though.”
“Is that really what you wanted to say to me?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“Uhm. Well, can you tell me when Bobbles will be working again?”
“Who’s asking?”
“Name’s Hypno Dude.”
“Really? Yout parents named you Hypno Dude?”
“No, I mean, that’s, like, my code name.”
“All right mysterious weirdo, she’ll be in tomorrow.”
“Thank you Wobbles.”
“You’re ever so welcome, your Dudeness.”
“Bobbles?”
“Yes Wobblykins?”
“Will you please stop calling me that! It’s a humiliating name!”
“Okay sorry. Wobbles.”
“Thank you. Some weirdo has been looking for you. ‘Mesmer Guy’ or something.”
“Hypno Dude?”
“Yes. Oh god, don’t remind me! Paid me some nice compliments, that asshole.”
“Oh Wobbles sweetie, I’m sure he didn’t mean to be cruel. He’s just into curvy women who have an ass.”
“Really? I have an ass.“
“Yeah. Believe me, he may be kind of a clueless inexperienced wannabe dumbass. But besides that, he’s a cutie.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Everything except the ‘cutie’ part.”
“Okay he is annoying as hell and no woman would ever want to get intimate with him.”
“I second that.”
“But he’s not particularly bad looking.”
“Okay he is kind of cute I guess. Little pale.”
“True. But I bet he found you way more attractive than you think.”
“You really think so?”
“I’m sure.”
“By the way, he left you this.”
“A card?”
“Apparantly.”
“Aww… that’s… odd. Hey, look, he wants to go out with me!”
“What? Oh god. He is asking you out?! With a friggin greeting card?!”
“Yes, I know it’s pathetic but… look at this…”
“Oooh it’s beautiful!”
“Yes! It’s… nice… and it… smells nice too.”
“You know Bobbles, it does. He may be an idiot but he sure has taste.”
“Taste in perfume.”
“And weird patterns.”
“Plus, he is always so charming.”
“Oh he absolutely is. And he’s incredibly handsome.”
“God I want to fuck him.”
“Count me in! I think right now I could screw his whole family...”
“What?! Wait a second Bobbles… isn’t this the ‘mind controlling’ kind of greeting card?”
“Oh dear I think it is. That sexy s.o.b.!”
“The card! For heaven’s sake, close it!”
“Okay, sorry, here goes… phew. That was close. That sneaky bastard!”
“Damn, I honestly had feelings for him… I saw myself kneeling at his feet, sucking his… yummy… thick… hey!!! Are you opening the card again?”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You should have seen your face!”
“Stop that! He’s so disgusting and you’re just making things worse!“
“You were looking kind of not disgusted by him.“
“So were you, silly. Let’s get rid of the card this instant!”
“Okay, okay…”
“You again!“
“Yes Bobbles, how have you been? Why the frowny face?”
“I’m doing well enough. It’s been all fun and greeting cards for me.”
“Oh you got my card then?”
“Yes. And destroyed it.”
“What? Why’d you do that?!”
“Because it made me want to fuck your brains out. And do god knows what to your mother and sister.”
“What?!”
“Yes. Don’t try to look surprised.”
“It… wasn’t supposed to do that.”
“Do you seriously expect me to believe that?”
“Yes, I have no idea why a greeting card would have such an effect on a chick.“
“Will you stop calling me a chick! Only douchebags do that!“
“Sorry.”
“You actually expect me to believe that it was an accident? You just grabbed a random greeting card and somehow, whoopsie, it turned out to be hypnotic, making Wobbles and me want to screw you silly?”
“Wobbles got affected by it too? Nice.”
“Yes. She’s seriously pissed, more than I am.”
“Well I didn’t mean to do anything! I swear!”
“Quit lying! Or get out of here this instant! I could bear your futile attempts at mind control, but lying to me really tears it!”
“I am not lying! Really! I found this card in my… sister’s room.”
“What?!”
“Yeah.”
“That makes no sense whatsoever.“
“But it’s the truth!”
“Why would your sister own a greeting card that makes girls attracted to you? And...”
“Uhhh… maybe as a present or something?”
“A present?! For you?! A reward maybe, for her brother’s reckless controlling of her mind?”
“She’s not aware that I do that.”
“I’m kind of wondering if you are aware of everything she does.“
“What teh hell do you mean by that?“
“I’m not sure, just a hunch. But, for example… who cleans her room?”
“Well I do. But what does that have to do with anything?”
“Who does her homework?”
“Me, mostly. But I’m the nerd of the family.”
“Oh you sure are. But you’re doing poorly even at that.”
“What?! How am I doing poorly? She always gets good marks on her homework.”
“Because nerds are at least supposed to be smart.“
“Aren’t I?”
“No. At least you’re not smart enough to recognize that your sister is blatantly mind controlling the shit out of you.”
“What?!”
“Another fun question, do you sometimes do other things for your sister? Things you would not do for anybody else?”
“Well, I massage her feet every evening and sometimes I dress up as a ballerina and dance for her friends’ amusement …”
“See?”
“What’s wrong with a little weekend cross dressing?”
“Nothing. But it doesn’t add up with the whole Hypno Dude character you were trying to play.”
“But… but… I am…”
“I’m pretty sure by now that you never hypnotized or otherwise mind controlled anybody.”
“I made my sister cluck like a chicken!”
“Perhaps she just made you believe you did? Or clucked a little just to fool you?”
“And my mother, I often make her cook my favorite dish!”
“Mothers tend to do that without any mind control involved.”
“Oh god. You mean… I do not know how to hypnotize?”
“No. And I’m pretty sure that the effects of your card would have resulted in an orgy under your sister’s direction.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ever since I opened the card I keep feeling submissive towards an unknown redhead cheerleader.”
“Oh god. Are you serious? That’s her!”
“I knew it.”
“What… what are we going to do?”
“We don’t have much of a choice have we?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re still going out on that date.”
“Wait… we are?”
“Yes. I’ll bring the card. I didn’t really destroy it, just put it in my purse.”
“So you’re a liar as well!”
“Just a little white lie to piss you off.”
“I didn’t even do anything!”
“I guess you’re right. You are the victim after all, not the culprit. And I like you way better that way.”
“Well I hate it! I don’t want to be controlled by chicks! Much less by my sister!”
“You have no choice, sweetums. But look at the bright side: We’re going to have a date together! Wobbles will be there too! We’ll have us a nice threesome!”
“Oh. Oooh. For real?”
“Yes!”
“Finally, some action for Hypno Dude!”
“Well no sweetie, I’m afraid though that you will not be involved directly.”
“What do you mean, not involved directly?”
“In the threesome I mean.”
“But… but then how will it be a threesome?”
“Three girls, dummy.”
“Oh. Oooh. Aw.”
“Plus, one guy in a tutu, dancing hypnotically to make us giggle. Come sweetie, it’ll be fun on the bun!”