The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

Beth asked me the next morning, “How are you doing?”

I shook my head. “I’m living downstairs from a centipede.”

She gave me a puzzled look.

I nodded and sipped my coffee. “Just when I think I’ve reached the end, another shoe drops.”

She smiled and reached over the table to squeeze my shoulder. “You’ve got the right attitude at least.”

“Thanks to you, Beth—thanks to you.”

I was in Westwood with Ben that day. It was a better class of people than the day before. Except... After lunch, driving to another stop, I tapped my nose and told him something didn’t smell right about the last one. When pressed, the only thing I could pin down was that they’d seemed too eager—they hadn’t really bargained. He made some notes on his pad.

My cell phone rang a while later; we were stuck in traffic. I tossed it to Ben, saying, “People who drive and talk on the phone are a menace.”

He answered it, then laughed. “No, he’s driving—he doesn’t want to talk and drive.” Then he covered the phone and said with a twinkle in his eye, “Her name is Sherry. Is she cute?”

I nodded. “A cheerleader. I tutor her in math.”

He gave me a knowing Gallic laugh.

“What can we do for you, my dear?” he said into the phone. “Oh, I think that can be arranged. What time shall he expect you?” He laughed again. “Very well. I’ll tell him. .... Not at all, my dear. It’s been a pleasure. Bye.”

He laughed and handed the phone back to me. “She’ll be by for you at nine tomorrow, and wants you to get plenty of rest. Good for you, Andy! Good for you!” He clapped me on the shoulder and we both laughed.

I was home by four that day. I took a shower. While I was loading the dishwasher after dinner, the phone rang. Beth got it, and handed it to me.

“Andy, you’ve got a good nose.” It was Ben.

“Oh?”

“The order they wanted to place is quite a bit larger than anything they’ve booked before. I checked with other people, and they’ve been placing a lot of large orders recently, and not being as prompt paying for them. We’ll be very cautious with this one.”

“It didn’t feel right,” I told him. “Thanks for the call. See you in the morning.”

“I should hope not! You have a hot date tomorrow! I’ll see you on Thursday morning—rest up, if you can!”

I hung up the phone. Beth wanted to know what was up. I told her my hunch, and what Ben had learned. I also told her about the conversation with Sherry.

Beth smiled. “You should take a day off and enjoy yourself.”

“But I like being with Ben.” I paused for a moment. “You know what? I like him and I trust him. And he trusts me. I mean, last week leaving Oxnard, he went to sleep while I was driving. He took my hunch today seriously enough to follow up on it. Remember when I went to pieces when Mr. Benjamin walked toward me at school? I think I’ve turned that around—I’ve established a solid relationship with a man.”

Beth nodded. “You’re on the right track.” Then she smiled—something was up, from the look of that smile. “Andy, how old are you?”

I gave her a strange look. “Eighteen in a couple of weeks.”

“Then why are you trying so hard to be thirty?”

I looked at her for a moment, then sighed, letting all the air out. “I don’t know. What do you mean? What’s happened to me?”

She chuckled. “Andy, you’ll have plenty of time to work in your life. You’re young—you should be having fun, enjoying yourself.”

“But I am—I like being with Ben. I’m learning. It’s challenging. I’m also getting to see the area.”

She shook her head. “That’s the Andy who has been forced to become an adult so quickly, and has done so admirably. But what does the teenager want to do?”

I sighed again. “Sometimes I feel as if I’ve aged years in these last few months. In September I was a kid, leading a sheltered, narrow, and very weird life.” I smiled, thinking.

“What, Andy? Tell me.”

I looked in her eyes—so pretty. “The maturity I see in you, I saw in Karen, and I guess that shows in me as well. Is it more than emotional scarring? I hope so. I have this vision of metal being heated slowly in the furnace, then suddenly and violently formed on the forge, then quenched, changing it forever.” I was on the edge of tears. “Why does it have to be such a painful process?”

She smiled and took my hand. I could see the moisture forming in her eyes. “I guess it’s because we’re the lucky ones. We have been formed on the forge. We’ve gotten to experience so much, and so fully. We’ve been prepared for the tasks ahead.”

I laughed as I wiped my eyes. “Prepared as a fine tool, or a shoe for an ass?”

She smiled. “The value of service is in its honesty and its sincerity.”

I nodded. “Thank you. If I’m to be a shoe for an ass, let me serve well.”

She chuckled and shook her head, “Oh Andy—you’re destined for exciting things.”

I shook my head in response. “I could use some dull-and-boring. Doofus seems to have a pretty good life sometimes.” Doofus was the well-named black Labrador retriever belonging to a neighbor—fat, dumb, and happy.

Beth laughed. “Oh Andy—listen to yourself! You know kids at school who are the equivalent of Doofus—barely awake. Would you trade that dullness for the breadth and intensity of life you’ve learned to experience, and have shared with me? What is it you say about the rose?”

I nodded. “Petals and thorns both. God, it has been intense. I know I can’t have the highs without the lows. I can’t fit back into that shell anymore. I don’t want to be like some of those kids—you look in their eyes, and there’s no spark—they’re empty.”

I sat forward a little, taking both her hands. “But some of them—talking to some of them, they know what they want to do. They know what they’re going to study in college, what they want to do for a career. In their minds, their path is clear.”

Beth leaned forward, and with a sneer, said, “Baaaa.... The world is full of sheep, Andy, and you’re not one of them. Yes, many of them will go through their lives, half-asleep, never experiencing some of the things you’ve lived so far. That doesn’t make them better, or you better, or worse—just different. You have to find your path. You find it one step at a time.”

I leaned back, holding her hands still. “A path with heart. It has to have heart. That’s one of the things about working with Ben—part of the business is numbers, pretty simple. You buy at one price, sell at a higher price, and you make money. But we sit down with other people and negotiate deals—and the styles, the personalities are so different. That give and take, reading the people—not just the words they speak, but their voices, their bodies, everything. Two we had—one guy hollered and waved; the other would sigh, move a hand slightly, or shift in his chair—if anything, he was more intense—he communicated so much, with subtlety.”

Beth laughed. “Andy, I’m proud of you. You’ve become aware of so much.”

I shook my head. “I’m unaware of so much. The whole thing with Karen....”

“What about Karen?” she asked.

“I don’t understand what happened, other than I didn’t stand up for things. I mean, the day after Thanksgiving at the Chan’s place, she threw herself into this mess. Friday night with her dad—if I felt so strongly, why the hell didn’t I say something?” I was getting upset.

“Andy, I think Karen is a very complex person. She went through a lot. I think she’s still working through it. And the two of you weren’t thrown together under optimal circumstances. You’re both working through difficult situations—hardly conducive to building a relationship.”

I looked at her. “And I’m not sure how much I trust Emily anymore, either.”

Beth raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Why is that?”

I shook my head. “She said something to Karen, something to raise doubts in her. And in talking with me, she told me that some times distance is good, letting us make decisions free of emotions. I feel like she had her own agenda with us, one we weren’t consulted on.”

Beth sighed. “It’s a temptation, when you think you know what’s best for someone, to put that plan into action unilaterally.” She smiled and shook her head. “You never know what the consequences might be.”

I reached over for her hand. “You took the chance.”

She nodded, smiling again. “Andy, we’ve survived. You’ve done well. You’ve amazed a number of us.”

I slumped back again, and said softly, “Then why am I so tired? Sometimes it’s exhilarating, and some times I’m so tired.”

“Don’t force things, Andy. Take your time. What does the teenager want? What do you need? Part of you wants something, needs it very much, and yet another part of you is saying you need to get back to work—you need to strike a balance. What do you need, Andy?”

I sighed and looked in her eyes again. “I need to be held, and be lost in you. The stuff for Emily can wait.”

Beth nodded and stood up, pulling me to her. “That’s right, Andy. Listen and choose—and remember, it’s okay to rest. I’ve got you, Andy.”

I felt her hand go to the back of my head. She held me and rocked me slowly, and took me with her to bed.

I was very relaxed when the alarm went off the next morning. She slid out of bed before I could grab her. She laughed and told me she’d wake me before she left. I rolled over again and went back to sleep.

She woke me with a kiss, and told me to enjoy myself—I was a teenager, and should act like one. She walked out of the bedroom laughing softly.

I showered and dressed as I did for Ben now—my good pants, a dress shirt, dress shoes, and my sport coat handy.

“No!” I called out. “I’m not that role. I play roles, but I am more than the roles I play.” I changed clothes, putting on an older pair of pants and a different shirt, one of my new ones, but the kind you’d see at school.

Sherry was a bit early.

“Let me get my coat,” I told her.

She frowned. “Who’d I talk to yesterday? Your boss? You working or something?”

I shook my head. “I am most definitely not working—it would be illegal for me to drive someone around for money. He’s supervising me as I practice driving. He’s a great guy. He’s married to the shrink I talk to.”

She rolled her eyes.

“What is it?” I asked.

She laughed as we got into her car. “What do you want to fix for dinner tonight? First stop is the grocery store, and then we need to do something to make sure that shirt doesn’t get dirty. I’ve got just the idea.”

I laughed—I could guess what her idea was. “This time let’s lock the doors in case someone drops by.” She laughed with me.

I decided on coq au vin—easy and tasty. She paid for the groceries. She wanted to undress me right away—to protect my shirt—but I objected. I took off the shirt, and got an apron from a drawer. “When things are in the oven, then we’ll protect the rest of my clothes.” First order of business was a pumpkin pie—with added cinnamon and amaretto.

“Okay, the pie is in the oven, so we can take a break for half an hour or so—but when the chime on the oven goes off, we’ve got to check the pie. Okay?”

She stuck out her lower lip, then pulled me into a kiss. She’s a great kisser. We settled in on the couch in the nearby family room. It didn’t take long before she pulled up her sweater, took off her bra, and I settled in. She cradled my head, and said softly, “Rachel told me what to do. I’ve got you, Andy. I’ve got you sweetie.” I sighed and enjoyed it.

The buzzer went off and we sat up. My left arm had gone to sleep underneath her. We checked the pie. It was done, and smelled great. We set it out to cool. Sherry took me back to her room.

“Just what did Rachel tell you?” I asked as we undressed each other.

“That you’d broken up with Karen, and needed a lot of tender loving care.”

I put my arms around her waist and hugged her. “She was right.”

“And she told me you needed this.” She moved me to a nipple and held me close.

She held me, we made love, and she held me again. I woke up to rain outside. She was sleeping by my side. I slid down the bed and woke her with my tongue.

She grabbed one of her dad’s robes for me as we put together some lunch. We got the rest of dinner going. She actually took notes! Things started getting out of hand, and we ended up with her bent over the couch and me sliding in from behind.

We snuggled for a while, half dozing, talking. She’d changed over the last few months. She was more serious about school, and about college. She still liked having fun, but even that had changed. She complained to me about boys pawing at her, and only wanting to get off. She didn’t go for that any more. She thought Donna was so lucky with Greg. The way she looked at me, I knew she was giving me an invitation.

Well, choose between Sherry and Rachel? How about Lori at City? How does that make Beth feel? This is so weird. How about Betty? How has she been looking at me these past few weeks? I laughed a little and held Sherry’s head to my shoulder, telling her I needed to hold her.

She sighed. “That’s another thing. We can just hold each other, and that’s so nice. I feel safe when you hold me.”

“Sherry, that’s a wonderful thing to hear. I can’t tell you how good it feels when you hold me.”

She kissed my chest. “Andy, it feels good to me too.”

We rested for a while, but both of us started getting amorous again. I wanted her to move up—she was teasing my cock and my balls, and I wanted to at least kiss her. But she slid lower.

“Andy, relax, okay?”

I sighed and she moved down a little more.

She took me between her breasts. “How’s that?” she asked. I moaned my reply.

When I got to the edge, she took me in her mouth, suddenly. I didn’t last more than three strokes after that. She sucked me dry. Then she slid up and held me to a nipple.

We showered when we got up.

“Thank you,” I told her as I washed her back. “You didn’t have to do that.”

She laughed and turned, kissing me. “And that’s why I did it—because you didn’t ask.”

It was getting close to five. We dressed, then set the table. We had a good chardonnay chilled. She’d put on a soft, fuzzy sweater. We spent time snuggling on the couch. I was getting really good at letting my lights go out when someone held me.

We got up to the sound of the garage door opener. She brushed my hair, and I straightened her sweater, giving her one last feel in the process.

Her mom came in. “Smells heavenly! Hi, Andy, how are you?”

“Fine thanks,” I answered. We went over the menu. Sherry showed her mom the notes she’d taken, telling her she’d be able to do this.

When her dad got home, he went right to the lower oven. It was empty. “What, no pie?” he cried in mock anguish.

“In the refrigerator,” I told him. He came over and shook my hand.

Over dinner we talked a bit about what had happened with school. I couldn’t give out details—they knew that. When he said I was financially independent now, I told him the money was tied up in a trust, and I deliberately didn’t know how much there was. Sherry told them I was also learning to drive. Her dad held up his wineglass and told me he was driving me home. I held up mine and told him I agreed—he didn’t have to worry about me that way. He gave his daughter an interesting look.

When we had the pie after dinner, he took one bite and said, “Now this is a good pumpkin pie!” His wife made a grumbling noise. I told them the secret ingredients. I got hugs from Sherry and her mom, and her dad took me home. He told me he was glad my troubles were over. I told him I hoped they were.

“Save any for me?” Beth asked as I closed the door behind me. I collapsed in her arms. “I need to be held.”

“Poor baby,” she said with a laugh. But she did hold me, and I held her.

Thursday was routine with Ben, jumping around the L.A. basin. He told me tomorrow would be short, and fun. At home that night, Beth ambushed me after dinner. I know I went down on her, she rode me, the coat was involved, and it was intense.

“Son,” he told me Friday morning, “Today we deliver bottles of champagne to valued clients and friends from the last year. We just do the local area though. Any you’d like to deliver?” he asked.

I nodded. “Four, if we could. One to the Chan family. Then Sherry’s family, and Donna’s, and Beth of course. I don’t know how I can possibly thank you and Emily for all you’ve done.”

He nodded and smiled. “We’ll keep one and call it from you. My wife will like that. Okay, we’re off!”

He had the back seat and trunk of the car filled with coolers. The bottles were each wrapped in colorful foil, with a ribbon around the top and a small card. He gave me four cards to fill out. We completed our deliveries by about one, leaving me back at the house with the bottle for Beth and me.

I parked the car and started to get out. He motioned for me to wait.

“Andy, you made me a lot of money, and saved me a lot as well. I think those characters are going to go belly up on us, file bankruptcy, and soon. I know a lot of suppliers who are greedy for orders. Me, I’m greedy for payment. Come this summer, I want you to work for me again. We can work out good terms. I’ll take you to Europe with me. Would you like that?”

“Very much!” I told him.

“Well son, I go over a few times a year, and you’re more than welcome to come with me.”

“Thank you, sir,” I told him. “I enjoy this very much. I’ve learned a great deal, and made a friend as well.”

We shook hands. “That you have, my boy. That you have.”

When we got out of the car, he handed me a bottle, and an envelope. “Happy New Year, Andy. Listen to yourself—not my wife.” With that, we shook hands again and he drove off.

I put the bottle in the refrigerator, and the envelope on the table. Beth got home about two. She saw the bottle. “Ooh, for us? Who from?”

“Ben and me. We did thank-you deliveries today. He let me do one for the Chans, for Sherry, Donna, and of course for you.”

“That’s nice, Andy. Illegal most likely, but nice. What’s the envelope?”

“From Ben—scared to open it. You do it.”

She chuckled and did. She whistled and waved money in the air—five one hundred dollar bills.

“What should I do with that?” I asked her.

She smiled. “What do you think?”

“Tell him I can’t accept it, then accept it and put it in the bank.”

She chuckled. “Very pragmatic.”

We had an early dinner. Afterwards, we had champagne, a very good bottle, and some popcorn. We made love in front of the fireplace, and went to bed a little after midnight.

Saturday, while watching the Rose Parade with the volume turned down, I asked Beth, “So, how do I get home from school now? Wait in the library at City for you?”

She nodded. “Until Emily sets up a new schedule, or you can get a lift home, yes. Who was that other girl? Louise?”

“Lori,” I told her.

“Do you still want to see Emily?”

I shook my head slowly. “I think so, but I know I’ll be holding things back, or at least not being as open as with you. There’s a lot I haven’t told her. I’ll be looking to her for advice, and weighing that advice against my own conclusions.”

“That’s what you should do with anyone.”

I sighed. “It’s so nice to operate in that space where you trust unconditionally, acting without doubt or hesitation.”

“Or responsibility,” she added.

I nodded. “Yes, that’s part of it. And I’m responsible for me. If I’m responsible for me, then I’m responsible for my own happiness. I’d better work on that.”

She sighed. “You’ve put in more than enough hours for your license. Do you feel ready for the driving test?”

I thought about it. “Yeah, in Ben’s car. I should practice parking yours, I guess.”

“No, you’ll be driving your mom’s car. We’ll practice today and tomorrow. I’ll call Monday and make an appointment. It will mean missing class.”

“Break my heart,” I said, “As long as they’re not classes at City.”

We practiced in my mom’s car that afternoon. We also got thank-you calls from folks on the champagne. I also talked to Ben, and told him that I shouldn’t accept the money, but I’d use it well. He laughed and told me that was the right thing to do—only turn it down once, or someone would take it back. He put Emily on the phone, and she said she’d see me Tuesday and Thursday—I owed her some work.

That shot Sunday to hell. Actually, it was fun working with Beth. During that work, I told her Ben’s suggestion—listen to myself, and not to Emily. Beth smiled and told me that was very good advice—and that what Emily said was advice as well, not gospel.

I shook my head. “There are so many paths. How do I choose the one for me?”

She smiled. “You already answered that. Choose the path with heart.”

The routine started again, with some changes. I drove us to school in the morning. Our French teacher at City missed Karen—not as much as I did. He remarked that I was a lot more fluent now. I told him I’d been riding around with a French speaking wine importer. That first day at lunch, Sherry told me I was going to the school basketball games with her on Tuesday and Friday night, and that was that. That miffed Rachel a little. Donna would still give me rides over to City. It looked like I’d get rides from Emily some days. The others, I’d stay in the library and work with Lori until Beth met me, and I’d drive us home.

I went to my first basketball game Tuesday night—Sherry picked me up and I rode with her. Well, with her and three other cheerleaders, two gals and a guy. I sat in front, and Brian sat in back with Chrissy and Michelle. The game was at a local school.

The game was exciting—I’d never seen a game live before. The cheerleaders for both schools were as impressive as the teams. I knew Sherry was flexible—but Michelle was something else.

The game was close—we lost by seven points. Sherry was still recovering from the exertion as we walked to her car. She stopped suddenly in the parking lot, turned, and grabbed me for a kiss. She was very enthusiastic! We finally made it to the car. Michelle suggested I could sit in the back with Brian in front. Sherry laughed and said, “No way!”

We went to a local burger place for a snack. There were plenty of other kids there from the game. I bought for Sherry and me. We wolfed down food as we talked about the game.

There was also a lot of necking going on. Sherry was all over me. I was apprehensive for a while, but it was going on all around us. I went with it.

With school the next day, we couldn’t stay that late. Sherry dropped the others off first, then me. She was all over me in the car. Finally she pulled back and smiled, running a hand over my legs. “See you tomorrow, Andy,” she told me.

I made it in the house. Beth was on the couch, reading. She laughed when she saw me.

“That’s what a teenager should look like!” she said.

I laughed. Sherry left me quite horny. It didn’t take Beth long to figure that out. But when we got in bed, she surprised me. Something happened, and I was so hot for her. I was on top of her, and inside her, kissing and squeezing, and I came very quickly. I collapsed on top of her and she held me, laughing softly. “Oh Andy, I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.”

More shoes dropped the next day. We received a note from my mom’s attorney. Mom was in a mental hospital—she’d had a complete breakdown.

When medical tests had finally been run on my dad, they found a slow-growing brain tumor the size of a walnut. Surgery was possible, but they didn’t know what would be left of the person who had been my dad afterwards.

Thursday in math, one of the runners for the administration delivered a note to Ellis. He looked it over and nodded. “Mister Wilson,” he intoned with a smile, “It says here that you’ve been accepted to Stanford, with full scholarships. Congratulations—you’re wanted in the principal’s office.”

Sherry gave me a hug before I could get out the door. I had to walk most of the way across the campus. I ran into Rachel on the way.

“Are you going to take it?” she asked.

I gave her a funny look. “Take what?”

“Man, I’m out of here! This is the best thing that’s happened to me!” She let out a whoop.

There were eight students in Mr. Benjamin’s office before he started, all seniors, and all carrying heavy loads at City College this year and last.

“I suppose you are wondering why I’ve called you here,” he said with a smile.

I nodded. Rachel seemed to know, as did David, and maybe some others by the looks on their faces.

“We reviewed a lot of things with the departure of our previous principal,” he told us, running a hand through his thinning hair. “When we reviewed your records, we determined that because of the course work you’ve completed at City College, you are eligible to graduate at the end of this semester, later this month.” He paused to let it sink in.

Mrs. Nguyen was also in the room. She continued. “All of you have accepted at different colleges. We’ve contacted each of those schools, and received written confirmation that you don’t need to complete any additional coursework for entry—either here, or at City. You have tough decisions to make. You can complete the year here, or you can graduate on January twenty first. If you choose to do that, you will of course be able to participate in the end of year and graduation ceremonies in June. We’ve prepared written summaries for you, since they’re each a little different. Oh, and congratulations to Peter, Rachel, Andy, Patricia, and David for the scholarships they’ve received. Questions?”

Rachel cried out, “Where do I sign? I want out!” That got some laughter.

Mrs. Nguyen handed us large envelopes on our way out. I sat in the quad with David, Patricia, and Peter. Rachel ran laughing and screaming to the parking lot. We talked a bit. David wanted out. Peter was involved in student government and sports—he was going to stay, but might drop the classes at City. Patricia wasn’t sure.

I dug the cell phone out of my bag. I called Ben’s office. He was off in his car. I called his cell phone.

“Ben, this is Andy.”

“Good to hear from you. I like riding more than I like driving. What can I do for you?”

“You still offering me a job?”

“Yes!”

“When were you planning on going to Europe next?”

“End of January, for six weeks or so. Why?”

“Ben, I can graduate in three weeks. I’d like to go with you.”

He laughed, loud and long. “Son, you’re on! This is wonderful!”

I told him I’d talk to him later—it was still tentative. I put the phone back in my bag.

Folks were looking at me. “If it’s true, and there aren’t any strings, I’m getting out, and going to Europe,” I told them.

Peter looked at me. “Andy, it’s true. Colleen told Rachel and me about it two days ago—she saw the paperwork being pulled together. They waited on David’s info before telling us all at once.”

The bell rang and kids started milling about. Betty and Sherry found me. Betty asked, “Is it true? Is it true?”

“Is what true?” I asked her.

“Sherry says you can get out early! Are you going to do it?”

I looked at Sherry. I held one of her hands. “Sherry?” I asked.

She shook her head, smiling. “You’d have to be fucking nuts to stay.”

I leaned over to her and whispered hotly in her ear, “If I stay, I’ll be fucking you.” She gave me a hell of a kiss. But then she said, “Andy, I’ll do fine. I’m going to get an ‘A’ in math this semester, and in most of my other classes as well.”

“Not unless you get to class,” I told her. She gave me another squeeze. “See you at lunch!” She took off.

I walked with Betty to the trailers. “Going to do it, Andy?” she asked.

I nodded. “I think so. If I do, I’ll be able to go to Europe for a month or two.”

She hugged me. “That’s great!”

“But it means leaving a lot of good friends,” I told her.

She laughed. “I’ll catch up. I’ll be pre-med at Stanford in two years, maybe sooner.”

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Rachel was nowhere to be seen. Donna was very happy for me. I mentioned I might be dropping the class to my math teacher at City. When I told him why, he congratulated me, shook my hand, and offered to let me take the final exam early. Lori looked sad.

And I didn’t tell Emily a damn thing about it. She didn’t ask, focusing instead on my assignment. Fine—Ben was right.

I hadn’t started dinner when Beth got home. I’d been reviewing the papers I’d been given. It looked pretty damn real to me.

“What’s wrong, Andy? What happened this time?” she asked, seeing me sitting at the kitchen table.

“Sit down, please.” I told her. She did. I explained things to her, what we’d been told at school, and my initial conversation with Ben. I wanted to do it—no, I was going to do it.

She frowned, then smiled. “Remember you were going to go on a cruise to Mexico a year and a half ago, and it never happened?”

I frowned and nodded. Dad pulled the plug on that one at the last minute. Beth nodded and said, “I think the safety deposit box at the bank has a passport for you in it. I’ve got the key, and can check tomorrow.”

“So you’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”

She shook her head, smiling. “Oh no, Andy. You should go.”

I looked around the place. What a trip. I looked back to Beth. She smiled—but tears were forming in her eyes. “What is it?” I asked.

“Oh Andy, you’re already gone, the way you looked around.”

I hugged her.

We went out to dinner. When we got back, Ben’s car was parked in front. Ben and Emily were waiting for us. We went inside. Beth started coffee.

“Andrew, you didn’t tell me,” Emily started out.

“You didn’t ask. We spent the time on my assignment,” I told her plainly. Ben chuckled.

Ben would take me. He’d start changing things right away. I was going to do a lot of driving for him, and learn the wine business. We’d talk about pay later, but my expenses would be covered. He’d drop by some things for me to start reading—I had a lot of reading to do. That remark made Emily frown, which pleased him all the more.

Just before they left, Ben grunted and told me, “Guess who filed for bankruptcy yesterday?”

I laughed. “They did?”

He nodded. “You know how much they owe us?”

I shook my head. He made a circle with both hands, and looking at me through it, said with a smile, “Nothing, thanks to you.” I went to shake his hand, but he gave me a hug and clapped me on the back. They left.

Friday was weird. I was shaken, yet determined. What did I want to do?

At lunch, Sherry told me, “Tonight is going to be so cool—there’s a party at Don’s place after the game.”

What did I want to do? I wanted to think. I’d heard about parties at Don’s house—his parents provided plenty of beer and no supervision. Not for me—not tonight at least.

“Sherry, I’m not going to go tonight. Too much is happening.”

She was obviously disappointed. She slid up closer, pressing against me. “Just for a little while?”

“Not tonight, okay?” Who was saying that? Was I trying to be too old again? Should I go for it? No—it didn’t feel right.

She managed a smile. “Okay. Call me if you change your mind, though. I’d like you to be with me.”

Damn, that was tempting. “Thanks, Sherry. I hope we win tonight.”

“Oh, it’s going to be an easy game,” she told me.

Yin and Yang

I tried to call Karen after dinner that night. Dina, her step-mother, answered. When I asked for Karen, I heard her ask Jack if he knew where she was. I heard Jack’s voice in the background, saying “With Mark, where else would she be?”

That turned me cold. I guess she’d gotten over me.

“Can I give her a message?” Dina said.

Compassion? Glad she’d found someone? “This is Andy. Tell her I love her, and I’m very sorry I didn’t tell her that more often.” I hung up the phone, hard.

Beth gave me a strange look.

I shook my head. “I’m not going to screw up like that again!” I said loudly.

Beth took my hand and led me to the couch. I was upset.

“Screw up like what?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Letting someone go without a struggle. Shit! When I asked for her, I heard Dina asking Jack. He told her, ‘With Mark, where else?’ She’s gotten over me pretty quickly, I guess.”

Beth shook her head. “Don’t be so sure of that, Andy.”

I looked at her. “She stood up for me—remember that night at the Chan’s? And I let her walk away without a fight!”

“Should you have fought?”

I sat back. “I know the Buddhists say all suffering stems from attachment—and I felt her—I felt her as I held her in my arms, felt her resolve, felt her reach her decision before she stepped away and to her father. I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“So many things. Her—she was so complex.”

“How was she complex, Andy?”

I smiled. This was turning into a Doctor Emily session. “At times she was so independent, yet she flew back to her father—baby bird again. She stood up for me, yet she needed me to hold her, protect her. She so needed to be held, protected during the storm—she was a basket case when I got to the house. And it felt as if she didn’t really let go when we were making love—there was something held back, held in reserve.”

“She sounds quite complex. Andy, were you easy to relate to?”

I laughed. “Hell no! I was a basket case!”

She nodded. “So, dealing with you wasn’t easy. You’re pretty complex as well.”

I nodded. “Yup, but am I screwed up enough to be a psychiatrist?”

She chuckled. “That’s a debate for another time. Would you say that Karen’s being with you accentuated the conflicts within her?”

“Oh yeah—in spades. She had to drive me around—I was pretty damn dependent. Yet she needed me to hold her, comfort her, and protect her. One moment I’m helpless, the next moment I need to be her protector. That’s hard to reconcile.”

She nodded. “How about her independence? Was that something that she developed on her own?”

I shook my head. “Not from what I understand—it was forced on her—sink or swim. And she swam, and well.”

“It looked that way, certainly. Does she love her father?”

“Oh yeah. The way she looked at him. She was so pleased when she learned he was happy again.”

“So, being around you accentuated conflicts.”

I nodded. “I think I’m catching on. So many dimensions—let’s pick a few. She was forced into a position of independence, forced to take on all that responsibility. Going back to her dad, she lets go of all that. That’s pretty attractive. She goes back to her earlier protector—her dad, and in a sense, I guess, she goes back to an earlier, happier, simpler time as well. Back to the nest, back to a simpler way of life. She escapes from so much.”

I caught my breath, looking at her. She nodded.

“How did I do?” I asked.

She shook her head. “It’s not that easy. That’s about where I come out on it, though. I think there are other areas as well—but I think your relationship forced her to confront an awful lot, just as it forced you to confront an awful lot.”

“So, she could confront a bag full of demons, or run back to an earlier, simpler life?”

“That may be an oversimplification, but it seems to fit.”

I frowned as I nodded. “Especially if she’s gotten nudges from Emily to pull back from me.”

Beth raised an eyebrow. “Now that’s really speculating. What evidence do we have to suggest such a thing?”

“Karen telling me that Emily was casting doubt on us. When I told Emily there was a distance between Karen and me, Emily telling me that distance was good. Thought I told you that before,” I snapped back.

Beth nodded. “Okay, you may be right. What have you learned, then?”

I shook my head. “To speak up? The attractiveness of escape? How we have such conflicting drives? To love without regret? Not to give up!”

She nodded. “You’re upset.”

“Damn right I am. I’ll never know what we could have had.”

She smiled. “No, you never will. But, why are you upset?”

I looked at my hands. I’d been holding them clenched. I exhaled, and started to consciously relax.

“No!” she said, “Stay with it—don’t run from the feeling!”

I frowned at her. “Okay, now I’m upset and confused. Why?”

She leaned forward. “Andy, I’ve wondered why I’ve very seldom seen you angry. Yet there have been times when I’d expect you to be. Are you burying that, holding it in?”

I exhaled loudly and sat back. I closed my eyes for a moment. “In one sense, I catch the moment, and decide not to be angry. Yet....”

“Stay with it, Andy—stay with it. What else?”

I felt the answer, an answer. I opened my eyes, shaking my head. “I don’t know whether to laugh or to scream. Is he going to haunt me the rest of my life?”

“Who?”

“My dad! The only person who could ever be upset at our house was dad! If mom or I showed any strong emotion, that really set him off, especially the last few years! Dammit, is he going to haunt me?”

Beth nodded her head. “He won’t, once you see what he’s doing to you. It’s okay to be angry, Andy. It’s okay to be upset.”

“But the things he did when he was angry—that scares me.”

She nodded again. “But you can choose, Andy—you can choose not to act on that anger. Express it in different ways, but don’t submerge it, don’t hold it in.”

“Wow, it whacks me from both sides—I’m scared to show strong emotions because I’m afraid of his reaction, and I’m scared to show strong emotions because I don’t want to turn into someone like him.”

Beth nodded. “How does understanding that make you feel?”

“God, I feel like I’ve taken a tight metal band from around my chest.”

She smiled. “Explored souls enough for one night?”

I shook my head as I stood. “For more than one night, but somehow I think I’ll be facing those demons again.”

She held me. “They’re not demons, Andy—they’re parts of us all.”

She gave me space Saturday. We did grocery shopping and random errands. Ben had taught me to swear at other drivers in French, and I did so, with gusto now. Beth laughed the first time I did it, and told me she didn’t understand what I’d said, and didn’t want to.

My switch flipped the other direction Saturday night. I’d been reading something for Emily when I concluded I was taking things way too seriously. I closed my books and went into the living room.

Beth, as usual, was reading on the couch. I gently took her book from her. She smiled as I did. That encouraged me. I knelt down and kissed her, and started running my hands over her, seeing her with my hands. She did the same. Soon, we moved into the bedroom. I was so hungry for her, but in a different way. We undressed hurriedly, and I dived between her legs.

She was tangy, musky, warm, and delicious. She laughed and moaned as she held me. After taking her over the edge once, I kissed my way up her body. I was hungry for her breasts, holding on and devouring her. I felt driven, needing to feel her, taste her. I slid into her; she pulled her legs up. I felt a hunger for her in my legs, in my chest, in my arms. She squeezed me between her legs as we rocked together. She reached up and slid her hands along the sides of my head. She held me, and I held her legs as we rocked, and I came.

I was still dizzy as I lowered myself back to her. She held me, rocking me. “Oh, I don’t know what got into you, but I sure like it.” I latched on to a nipple again, and she rolled over so she was partially on top of me. Her weight was so satisfying.

Beth picked me up at school Tuesday after lunch and we went to the DMV for my driving test. After we wasted over an hour past our supposed appointment, someone finally told us that if I waited until my birthday, I’d get a real license, and it would issue in five days, as opposed to the three weeks it took for the provisional ones. We made an appointment for 8AM on my birthday. Then we went home and Beth ambushed me.

She did that to me frequently. Of course, I grabbed her as well, and took her to the bed, or the couch, or the floor. I was becoming more assertive, and we both loved it. I spent a Saturday lost with Rachel. Sherry and I made love in front of the fireplace on top of Beth’s coat.

I turned eighteen—whoop dee doo. We went to the DMV. I took and passed the driving test and the written test. I left with a piece of paper; my real license would arrive in a few days. I drove us back to school in time for lunch. At least it was Friday.

That night, Beth cooked dinner and Ben provided the wine. Dinner was good. Ben started talking about the trip. He and Beth kept my wine glass full. After dinner, we had a cake with candles, and Ben brought out a bottle of very old cognac. It was a very good evening. I was feeling pretty wild when Beth and I went to bed—and our lovemaking was wild as well.

I woke up with a splitting headache. Being held didn’t help—it made things worse, and Beth wasn’t very sympathetic. My teeth hurt. My knees hurt. Bright lights hurt. And my stomach wasn’t doing too good, either. I had about two sips of coffee, and that was it. Beth told me to take two aspirin and lots of water. I had about a glass, and went to crash on the couch, my arm over my eyes. I could feel my heart pounding in my head.

The phone rang and I thought it was someone pounding nails into my head. I would have jumped, but I hurt too much. Beth walked into the other room with the phone, chatting with someone and laughing.

She came back in the room chuckling. “How are you doing, Andy?” she asked, kissing the arm I had covering my eyes.

I groaned. “I feel like shit. I must have food poisoning or the flu or something.”

She chuckled and told me to finish my water.

Some time later, she came over and kissed me again. I could hear her keys rattling—they sounded like a chain saw.

“Andy, I’ll be back around four. Drink plenty of water—get up and move around—it will do you good.”

I moaned, and twitched at the crash of her closing the door to the house behind her.

I got up to pee, drank more water, and crashed on the couch again.

I napped for a while, had more water, and napped some more. The doorbell woke me. It wasn’t as loud now—I must have been getting better.

“Just...” I hollered out, which made my head pound. “A minute,” I said, much quieter. I got up, took another sip of water, and went to the door.

“Happy birthday, sweetie,” Rachel hugged me and pushed me back inside when I opened the door. She gave me a kiss. We made it back to the couch.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?” she asked.

I told her how I felt—shitty, but a little better than when I woke up. I thought I had the flu or something.

She laughed, and said, “I know just how to make it better.”

She did something, then started pulling my arm away from my eyes. I started to protest, but then felt her nipple touch my mouth. “I’ve got you, sweetie. I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.” My head hurt as she moved her hand to cradle me. “Deep breath and relax sweetie—that’s right. Deep breath and relax for me. I’ve got you.”

She helped me unwind. On the floor, she set me on fire, and rode me. When I came, it felt like I was being whacked in the head.

“Happy birthday, sweetie,” she told me, tracing doodles on my forehead. “Feeling better?”

“My head doesn’t pound when I move it. Must have been a 24 hour bug.”

She laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

She shook her head, then leaned down and kissed me. “You are. You’re hung over, silly. You drank too much. Don’t tell me... No, it was probably the first time for you, wasn’t it?”

I started to laugh, even though it hurt. “What a birthday present. God, I’ll never do that again.”

She shook her head and sat back, reaching for her bra. “I doubt that. You didn’t even get sick.”

“What?”

“Oh God, Andy, you’ve lead a sheltered life. You’ve got a lot to learn.” Then she grinned—leered, really. “And I know just who can teach you.”

“Yeah, about puking so hard with your head out the car window you lose a contact lens while going down the freeway?”

She leaned forward and wiggled her shoulders so she’d fill her bra better. “I only did that once, and I wasn’t driving.”

I chuckled a little. It hurt. “I’ll try to avoid the experience for as long as I can.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“So what’s the best way to get over a hangover?”

She reached past me to grab her top. I reached behind her and unsnapped her bra. She looked at me in surprise. “You’re pretty good at that! Where did you get the practice?”

I laughed and pulled her closer. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“You want the cure again? I’ll give you a call when I need it.” She held me again. This time, though, I rolled her to her back, and as we slid together, I encouraged her nub with my thumb. As she came, she pushed my hand away, and started tickling the side of my balls and cock. That was all I needed.

We kissed and hugged. I helped her get dressed this time, and I got back into my sweats. I had another glass of water, and she had one as well.

I tried to read after she left, but my head hurt. I took another two aspirin and a lot more water—I figured I needed to flush the crap out of my system.

“Feeling better?” Beth leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. She tried to stand up but I held her.

“Thanks for the birthday present. I won’t forget it, believe me.”

She sat on the couch next to me. “Oh? What was that?” She was grinning.

“The education. The hangover.”

“Would we do something like that?”

I held her hands. “With love, yes. Your idea?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Ben and I. I’m surprised you didn’t get sick.”

“Sorry to disappoint you. Was Emily in on it as well?”

Beth looked up a moment. “She didn’t object.”

I sat up a bit. “What is it between them? He is such a character when I’m with him.”

She nodded. “An interesting couple, to be sure.... Ben supports Emily in her work, and I think Emily cuts him a lot of slack. On some things, I think they agree to disagree.”

“Like me?”

She sighed a little. “Speculation—they’re both concerned about you. I think it’s evident Ben doesn’t agree with some of his wife’s approaches to things.”

“And what do you think?”

She sighed a little more, then nodded with a firm look on her face. “I think Emily has an agenda, but she hasn’t shared it with me. She does what she thinks best.”

“Whether we agree or not?” I suggested.

She smiled. “Had anything to eat today?”

“Nope—just water and aspirin, but lots of water.”

“Did Rachel drop by?”

I chuckled. “She was quite consoling.”

Beth laughed. “I’ll bet.”

“Was that who you talked to on the phone before you left?”

“You need to get something to eat. What do you feel like?”

I shook my head. “You’re evading the question.”

She kissed me again. “You’re right.”

We had soup and bread for dinner. I felt good enough to have some cake afterwards. Beth suggested a hot bath. I think it helped. I slept well.

Protector

Monday morning I started driving myself to and from school. Parking was a bitch, and I didn’t get to neck with Donna—more yin and yang.

Tuesday of that last week, I was walking over to our usual lunch spot when I saw what looked like a scuffle going on. I heard a cry—it sounded like Betty!

I ran over. Betty was in the middle of four or five girls. I yelled, “Stop!” at the top of my voice, and pulled two of them away. I didn’t recognize any of them. Betty was sort of bent over. Her glasses were on the ground, broken. I pulled her up and to me, and pushed another girl back.

Someone punched me in the side. I forcefully backhanded the person nearest me. “I said stop! Leave her alone!” They backed off a little. I held Betty, trying to shield her. I was filled with rage.

One of the girls, I think she was a junior, sneered, “You want to play too?”

Unfortunately for her, she hadn’t seen Sherry racing up. Sherry grabbed the girl’s ponytail and pulled, almost jerking her off her feet. “Maybe I want to, bitch!” Sherry growled.

We were drawing a crowd. Donna and Greg joined the fray. Sherry called out to the group, “Get lost, the bunch of you—and leave her alone.” She still had hold of a ponytail, which she jerked around. “And if I hear of anyone—anyone—bothering her, you are going to get it. Hear me, bitch?” The girl wasn’t saying anything, so Sherry gave her another jerk. “Well?” The girl finally said, “Okay! Okay! We were just having fun!”

Sherry pushed the girl away.

“No you weren’t!” Donna added as she kicked the girl in the rear to speed her along.

I sat on the table and held Betty, holding her head to my chest and rocking her. “It’s okay, Betty—I’ve got you now. I’ve got you,” I told her as she cried. Greg picked up the remains of her glasses and handed them to me.

One of the teachers trotted up. Sherry had been right behind me, and explained what had happened. We headed over to the office. Betty was holding on to me. I was shaking. I’d actually struck someone. We went into Mrs. Nguyen’s office. It took a while, but Betty explained as best she could. She’d had what she thought was an interesting discussion in class with her history teacher. The girls who jumped her were in the same class, and had been taunting her for a while. Mrs. Nguyen asked if she knew their names. Betty was having a hard time talking, but Sherry and Donna knew them all. One girl had knocked off Betty’s glasses, and another jumped on them. Betty called her mom, and spoke to her in Chinese, sobbing as she did. I held her hand—actually she was clutching mine.

I heard my name mentioned, and I think Sherry’s. Betty handed me the phone.

“Doctor Hsu?” I said.

“Andy, thank you so much,” Doctor Hsu said, “I’m glad you were there to help.”

My hands were still shaking. “What else can I do? I can take her home, or to your office.”

“Andy, if you could bring her to my office, that would be a tremendous help. Could you do that?”

“Of course. Let me get something to write with. Where are you?”

She was in a medical complex off Los Coyotes Diagonal. “Okay,” I told her, “I think we’ll be leaving in a few minutes.” Mrs. Nguyen was waving her hand. “Hold on, I think Mrs. Nguyen would like to speak with you.” I handed her the phone.

Mrs. Nguyen spoke for a bit, said goodbye, and hung up the phone. She sighed and looked at us.

“Okay, Andy, you take Betty to her mother’s office. Sherry, Donna, could you stay for a few minutes?” They nodded.

“Where are Betty’s things?” I asked. “Shit—what did I do with my stuff?” I didn’t even remember putting things down.

Greg put my book bag on the desk. Donna had Betty’s things.

“Thanks, guys,” I said. I turned to Betty. “Do you need to get anything from your locker?” I asked her. She shook her head. “Ready to go?” I asked. Give her something to say, “yes,” to. She nodded her head and I helped her stand.

The teacher who had been with us, I think he teaches social studies, said, “I’ll walk out with you.”

Mrs. Nguyen put a hand on Betty’s back, and on mine. I tried to gather our stuff, but Betty was holding on to me again. The teacher said, “I’ll get those.”

We walked out to the student parking lot. “It’s okay, Betty. I’ve got you,” I told her softly. It seemed to help.

We got her loaded in the car, our books in the back.

As I started the car, I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking, still. I was almost shaking all over—I could feel it in my legs. I’d struck someone. In anger? No, coming to Betty’s aid. The anger came later.

I started the “calm and relaxed,” litany, but stopped it. Stick with the feelings—don’t run from them. Ride them out. Learn from them. I reached over and squeezed one of Betty’s hands.

I drove to her mom’s office. Betty’s broken glasses were in my pocket. As we walked in the door of her mom’s office, the receptionist immediately took us back to Doctor Hsu.

She was on the phone, speaking to someone in Chinese. Betty’s dad? She quickly ended the call, and came around her desk to hold Betty. Betty cried, her sobs intermixed with Chinese.

I sat in a nearby chair. My eyes started to fill with tears, but then stopped. I didn’t know what I felt. Part of the reason I’d gone to classes at City in the first place was to get away from a few tormentors at high school. Looking back on it, having Chuck, the football team center, as a lab partner last year had made a big difference. Nobody wanted to get him upset. I hadn’t known how protected I was. Then this year, nobody paid any attention to me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up. Doctor Hsu said, “Andy, will you wait next door, please? I’ll be in to talk with you in a few minutes.”

I nodded and was led to the next office. It had three chairs and colorful hangings on the walls. I could imagine heavy karmic surgery taking place in the room. I sat down and sighed.

Why had I done that? I’d come to her aid without hesitation. What was that phrase? Without hesitation, without doubt—I’d acted—just as I’d done with my mom. Only this time, I’d been more forceful. I’d been struck, and struck back. I was calmer now. I’d been full of rage for a while, but I didn’t let the rage decide things for me. Is this how my dad had started? It had been so easy to use the rage, that terrible energy, to reach out and strike that girl. No, it hadn’t been in rage. The energy was there when I struck her—the rage came later. It had all been so fast.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. “Yes?” I said. Doctor Hsu came in and sat down across from me. She’d been crying, but had put her professional face back on, to a certain extent.

“Andy, thank you so much. This situation has been growing for some time.”

“How is she?” I asked.

She sighed, folding her hands in her lap. “Still quite shaken, which is to be expected. How are you?”

I sighed. “I struck someone. Is that how my dad started?”

She sat back, smiling slightly. “What did you feel when you did that?”

I shook my head slowly. “I didn’t have any feeling. When I recognized Betty’s cry, I moved to help her—without hesitation, and without doubt. I pulled a couple of girls away from her, protected her, and slapped someone after they hit me. I was filled with energy then. The rage didn’t come until later.”

She nodded. “And what did you do with the rage?”

“I acknowledged it. I could have run from it, but I stayed with it. I chose to accept it, and protect Betty.”

She nodded again. “And?”

I sighed. “And that’s about it. I’m not shaking as much anymore. I would not have done anything different—today, or the night my dad was hitting my mom.”

She nodded, sitting there for a bit, waiting. After a while, I smiled. I’d been through this with Emily—waiting patiently for more. How easily I’d slipped into that relationship with Doctor Hsu.

“What else can I do to help?” I asked.

She sighed and sat back a bit, shaking her head.

“Andy, you did what was needed. I feel I should tell you, though, my daughter has quite a crush on you.”

That was a surprise, yet it wasn’t. “Wow. Some help this was.”

She chuckled a bit. I liked her—Emily was always so damned reserved in our sessions.

“Yes, you actually were her protector today. Her father and I will talk with her about it, but you’ll need to as well.”

I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t want anyone hurt.”

She smiled. “Any more than need be—there’s no easy way in some of these things.”

I nodded. “I know, all too well. The only way out is through. Still, I wish I didn’t lead such a full, exciting life.”

She laughed. “Andy, thank you. Of all the people for her to have her eyes on, I’m glad it is you.”

I told her quickly about my plans—graduating early, going to Europe. She told me that sounded exciting. She asked what I had left to do at school.

That brought me back to Earth fast. I looked at my watch. “I’m taking my Calculus final at City in a little over an hour. I think I should be going!”

We stood up and she held my hands. “Thank you again. Do you have time to say goodbye to her?”

“Of course.”

We went back to her office. Betty was sitting in a chair. She sniffled as we walked in, but tried to smile. I approached her, and as I did, she stood up. I held her gently. “I have to go take a math test. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She nodded, her head on my chest. I kissed her head. “Don’t make my mistake and hold the feelings inside,” I told her softly. With one more squeeze, I left.

I managed to find a reasonable parking space, and had time to review my notes. My math teacher had convinced me not to drop the class, as I’d done with French. We’d agreed that when he gave the first quiz, I’d take the final. If I got an “A” or “B” on it, he’d turn in the grade, and I’d get credit for the class. Otherwise he’d turn in my drop request.

He handed out the quiz, and handed me a different set of papers. I glanced at it and groaned—eight problems, and none of them easy. On second glance though, none looked really hard. As I looked at the last one, I wondered—were we supposed to cover that in this class? It looked familiar. I dug in.

When I looked up again, there were only a few minutes left in the class. I flipped back to the first problem and started checking things. The last problem had been right out of the other book I’d been using to study for the class.

“Time’s up,” he called out. I flopped my paper face down on the desk. We passed things to the front, and people started to leave. Lori hung around, as did I.

He found my paper in the stack. “Good—this shouldn’t take long.” He went through it, checking things off. At one point he looked up at me and shook his head. He pointed to the page. “Cosine,” I said. I’d screwed up. He docked me five points. He put a big check mark on the last problem. “You’ve been reading the Buck book—it shows,” he told me.

I nodded. “Mister Eldridge gave it to me last year,” I told him.

He flipped back to the first page, wrote “95” on it and extended his hand. “Good luck, Mister Wilson. Sooner or later though, you’re going to have to study hard.”

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.”

Lori followed me out. We sat down on a bench, the bench Karen and I sat on a number of times. I looked at her. “Sorry I’m ducking out on you,” I told her.

She smiled and sighed. “That’s okay. I wish we could have spent more time together.”

“I’m not sure about that—things seem to get complicated when I’m around.”

I could tell, looking at her face. I moved my head slightly toward her, closing my eyes a little. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and pursed her lips as she leaned forward, tilting her head a little. We kissed, probably the fifth or sixth time we’d kissed, and most likely the last.

After we kissed, I stood up. We hugged. “Bye, Lori,” I said. “Study hard and do well.”

She smiled. “You too, Andy. I expect to read about you some day.”

I chuckled. “I hope not!”

We hugged and kissed once more, and I headed home.

“You must have had an interesting day,” Beth said when she walked in the door. “How was your test?”

“How did you know?” I asked her from the kitchen. “I got a 95—I made a stupid error on one problem.”

She hugged me. “You cook really spicy things when you’ve had an interesting day. Tell me about it?”

I laughed. “I didn’t realize that. Like a glass of wine? I need one.”

She chuckled. “Thanks for waiting. Yes—last day at City emotional for you?”

As I poured, I told her about my goodbye with Lori. We drank a silent toast, then sat down at the kitchen table.

“But that wasn’t it,” she said.

I shook my head. “Some people are too damn perceptive. I rescued a damsel in distress.”

She raised her eyebrows as she sipped. I went through the whole thing again, including telling her of my conversations with Doctor Hsu.

“Andy, you’re not like your father. You make choices. You said yourself that the rage came later—and you recognized it, and stayed with it. That’s very good. But now, what are you going to do about Betty?”

I shook my head. “Anything I do will hurt her, the way I see it.”

Beth nodded. “Yup.”

I frowned. “Big help.”

She sighed and extended a hand. Mine met hers. “Andy, when I started high school, I had a crush on the captain of the track team. I don’t think he even knew I was alive. When he graduated at the end of the year, I cried myself to sleep for days.”

“Real big help,” I told her.

She chuckled. “Andy, I’m sure you will do the right thing. Follow your heart. She’s going to hurt—you hurt when Karen left. Learn and grow, and don’t close doors needlessly.”

Dinner was good—lamb curry. The phone rang after dinner. I let Beth get it.

“Oh, hello Doctor. ... Oh, good. ... Yes, that would be very nice. ... Yes, I’ll get him.” She handed me the phone. “Doctor Chan for you.”

“Yes sir, good evening,” I said.

“Andy, I wanted to thank you for coming to Betty’s aid today. We appreciate it very much.”

“I’m sorry I needed to, sir, but glad I was there. She’s very special. How is she doing?”

“She’s doing as well as can be expected. We’ve talked to the school, and they are taking appropriate actions. We’d like you and your aunt to join us for dinner Saturday, if you would.”

“It would be a pleasure, sir,” I told him.

“Good. Take care then, Andy, and we’ll see you Saturday.”

“Thank you for calling, sir.” I hung up the phone.

Beth was in the kitchen, starting on dishes. I put my arms around her from behind.

“That’s nice. How did it feel to be a protector?”

“It was very natural—without hesitation or doubt. I’m glad I was there to help, but sad I was needed. Thank you Karen, for bringing that out in me. Any pain I went through was worth it to be there for Betty.”

Beth turned and looked me in the eye. “What? Something good came out of that?”

I smiled and nodded, our hips pushing together as our shoulders were apart. “Yes, another step on the path. Karen made it possible, and you made Karen possible. You’ve made so many things possible for me.”

“Andy, you’re the one with the courage to take those steps.”

We held each other in bed. I was restless but tired.

After a while, Beth asked softly, “Andy?”

I rolled back closer to her. “Rock me to sleep, please,” I asked.

She pulled me to her. “My pleasure, my pleasure.”

In study hall, Sherry told me that three of the girls who had been involved were suspended for the rest of the week, and the other two just for one day. She also told me all the cheerleaders would be looking out for Betty. I thanked her, and told her that made me feel a lot better. Betty was tentative, hesitant, when I saw her in math the next day. She was wearing a different pair of glasses. She was quiet and clingy as we walked to our next class together.

She sat right next to me at lunch. When Sherry arrived, she thanked us both for our help. Sherry told her that if she had any trouble, to let her know—she didn’t have to take shit from anybody. Betty smiled and thanked her.

Sherry left us a little early, giving us time and space to talk. Betty sighed and thanked me again. I held her hand, and told her a little about Karen, about how Karen had brought out those feelings in me, and how much I’d hurt when she left. I told her it had all been worthwhile to prepare me to protect her. She looked in my eyes and nodded. I think we both understood.

Friday, my last day at school, was hell. I knew from the way I looked at the place, the way I walked around, that I’d withdrawn from it. I’d already said my farewells at City. I thanked all my high school teachers, including the fat fool. I had special thanks for Mr. Benjamin and Mrs. Nguyen. I told them I’d be back for graduation in June.

That night after dinner, holding each other on the couch, Beth asked, “Want to be ambushed again?”

I sighed. “Thank you for asking. I think I want to stew in it tonight. I’ll need to be held, though.”

“I certainly hope so,” she told me.

She ambushed me Saturday morning, and it was glorious. We did shopping afterwards, then cleaned up and changed clothes for dinner. We headed over to the Chan’s house. Once again, there were quite a few cars parked nearby.

“I don’t like this—brings back ugly memories,” I said.

Beth was driving. She put a hand on my leg. “Go with it—work it through.”

I took a breath. “It’s just like last time,” I said, but with a smile, “They’re here for me.”

Beth nodded.

I smiled a little more. “That last time, the day after Thanksgiving, all of you gathered here to support me. It was a very positive event. It shows the strength of the support I have. Is that reframing?”

Beth chuckled. “Yes, that’s one way of reframing things. Still want to go with a math major?”

I sighed as we got out of the car. “If you’re asking about pre-med, I don’t have a clue. Maybe I’ll study business, and work with Ben.”

Beth raised her eyebrows. “Andy, don’t say that too loud—he’s practically adopted you already.”

I sighed and nodded. “I know. It’s weird—married to a shrink for kids and they don’t have any.”

She chuckled. “Oh, she has Ben.”

We went in. Sherry and her parents were there as well. A big sign saying, “Congratulations Andy,” was hung in the living room. We had a mix of dishes, Chinese and American. It was interesting, being with Sherry and Betty at the same time. Both wanted to sit close. Sherry was restrained somewhat by the other people around—I’m sure she wanted to grab me, and she did look and smell delicious. Betty was emboldened by Sherry, and talked with me in French, and soon started making sly remarks about Sherry.

I told folks about what I’d be doing—going to Europe with Ben, destinations unknown, returning for graduation.

“And the prom?” Sherry asked. There were a few chuckles, and Betty asked in French, “Both of them?” I looked up at the ceiling and said, “Yes.” That brought more chuckles.

Sherry, Betty, and I actually found a few minutes alone, once little Gary was sent off to get ready for bed. Sherry told me, “Betty is going to help me with math.” Betty nodded, “And Sherry and Donna are going to watch my back. We’ll make it, but we’ll miss you.”

“I’m not leaving for a couple of weeks,” I told them. We hugged. It was kind of comical as we were getting ready to go—both of them wanted that last hug. I finally grabbed both of them at once, and kissed each on the cheek.

Beth sighed and put an arm around my shoulder as we walked to her car. “Such good friends,” she said.

“Yes, such friends.” I laughed a little.

“What?” asked Beth.

“Betty and I are connected at the head and heart, and Sherry and I are connected everywhere else.”

She chuckled, and moved her arm to my waist. “I noticed that. So did Betty, if I understood some of her remarks.”

“Oh, she noticed. I think Sherry wanted to throw me on the nearest horizontal surface.”

“Mind if I do that instead?” she asked as we got in the car.

I looked in her eyes. “Not at all.” We spent the remainder of the weekend making passionate love.

Monday I started with Ben. I was his “administrative assistant,” to keep things quasi-legal. I wasn’t being paid to drive—I liked to drive and he didn’t. That worked for me. I drove him all over the area, speaking French, learning from him.

We talked about what I was going to do in the fall. I was set for Stanford. I was assured on-campus housing. I had scholarships and grants that would cover me. The trust would provide spending money, and Beth said she was going to be really tight with it. Ben thought that was a good idea, and I agreed.

My essay took second place in the national competition. Beth, Emily, Ben, and I flew to Chicago on Friday for the award ceremony. That was the first time I’d flown on an airplane. I relied a lot on “Calm and Relaxed.” At one point during the flight, though, Beth leaned over to me and said, “Stop pretending—enjoy it! Look around and explore!” I laughed and got up to walk around the plane, brushing her breasts as I did.

Chicago was cold and stormy. The cold wind cut through my clothes. We could only see the bottom parts of some of the really tall buildings.

Third place got $5000, second place won $25,000, and first received $60,000. We were to read our essays to the assembled luminaries Saturday. After listening to the third place winner, which was good, it was my turn, and I decided on a different path—I’d seen the first-place essay. I reminded them of the editing and revising that goes on with such essays. I read them an earlier version of mine, one I really liked. It was shorter, and had more feeling. I think it was well received. Someone asked me later what I thought of the first-place essay. I told them it was very technical but lacked heart. That seemed to polarize people—getting scowls from some, and smiles and nods from others.

The first-place gal and I got to spend some time talking. She’d heard my remark, and agreed with it completely. I told her that her paper gave me a number of ideas to explore. She liked the way I bared my soul in mine. We talked about school—she was going to be pre-med at Johns Hopkins. I told her I was going to Stanford, but hadn’t decided, other than a psych major. I didn’t know whether or not medical school was for me. She made me promise to keep in touch, telling me we could do our residency together.

We flew home Sunday. Beth and I slept apart Friday and Saturday. When I’d mentioned Friday afternoon that I had a problem with sleepwalking, she whispered back, “Don’t you dare!” I could tell she was serious.

Her skin against mine felt so good, back in her bed Sunday night. It’s so good to be back home, even if it is often only a state of mind.