The Experiment
Week One, Tuesday
Professor B has requested that I begin this journal. Although he hasn’t definitely accepted me for the experiment, he’s paying me to start a record, and I’m going to do my very best to keep a detailed log. In a way, I wish he were going to ask to review this; if he could see what a careful job I do, perhaps it would increase my chances of being selected. But he told me that this record is completely private. Oh well, I’m still going to write down all my thoughts, feelings, impressions, just like he requested.
Today I spent a couple of hours “taking tests.” Professor B started out by telling me to be relaxed, and be myself. “You have no idea what I’m looking for, so there’s no way you can make an effort to get the right answers,” he said with a grin. I nodded and returned his smile.
I was familiar with most of the tests from my studies, although one or two were rather unusual. He had me fill out a short form of the Myers-Briggs personality inventory. I responded to word associations for about twenty minutes, while he recorded all my answers. That one did make me a little nervous at first, but Professor B kept telling me just to relax and say the first thing that popped into my head, and after a while I fell into the rhythm of it.
He had me cross a low balance beam a number of times under a variety of conditions—different amounts of lighting, once blind-folded, with or without music playing, with him giving a variety of instructions. Mostly I was able to cross the beam easily, but a couple of times I felt rather precarious and cautious. He also had me drop beans into a milk bottle, sometimes watching what I was doing, sometimes with my eyes closed. Weird!
Next were portions of standard intelligence tests—problem solving, spatial skills, memory. We spent a while on the Thematic Apperception Test (see, I do pay attention in class!)—making up stories about pictures, as well as a few Rorschach ink blots.
He wound up with a couple of suggestibility tests. He reminded me that I didn’t know what he was looking for, so should simply relax and not attempt to influence the results. He had me rest my hand on a table, then gave me suggestions that it was getting lighter. He said I shouldn’t try to control it, but just let it rise on its own. It’s really weird. I could feel it getting lighter and lighter, until it began to float up. At one point, I could almost see the helium balloons he was talking about. I could certainly feel them! My hand was rising rapidly when it hit his hand, which he had positioned about a foot above the table. He suggested that I’d be unable to lower my hand, and sure enough, it was stuck to his. I couldn’t pull it off no matter how hard I tried! If he hadn’t suggested that my hand return to normal, I might still be sitting there trying to get free!
In another test, he had me stand, facing away from him, and suggested that I’d feel a force pulling me backwards. I really could feel it tugging at me, and I actually fell into his arms. He had me do the same thing facing him and falling forward. It was the strangest experience, since I could see he wasn’t doing anything, and yet I felt a very definite force pulling me off my feet. I was rather embarrassed when I collapsed into his arms, but he didn’t seem a bit phased.
Week One, Wednesday
I ran into Professor B in the hall of the psych building today. With a smile he told me that I fit the “preferred profile” for his experiment very well, and that if I’m interested, the job is mine. Yeah!!!! He remarked he had chosen me because of the quality of my past coursework, and the intelligence and curiosity I displayed during our initial class discussions. Of course, I loved hearing that, although I could feel myself blushing just a bit under his praise. He added that I seem more mature and responsible than the run-of-the-mill undergraduate, which contributed to his decision to select me. We spent a few minutes talking about the fact that I was two or three years older than most students, having taken a job right out of high school to save for college.
I started to tell him that I would take the job—after all, I really need the money, and the opportunity for a faculty recommendation is too good to pass up; I’m definitely going to need them if I decide to go to grad school. He stopped me in mid-sentence, saying that I’d need to hear more about the experiment and my role in it before making a decision. We arranged to meet in his office on Friday.
I must admit, I’ve been wondering quite a bit about the experiment. He wouldn’t give me even a hint. Being the “curious cat” that I am, I’m just bursting to know what it’s about. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to try to be patient!
Week One, Friday
I met with Professor B late this afternoon, and he outlined his experiment. He said that he’s doing research on memory and its relationship to a variety of psychological phenomena, and that if I agreed, I’d be his experimental subject. He told me that he’d be unable to discuss any of the specific details of the experiment with me, since it might alter the results. I nodded my understanding.
He went on to state that we’d get together one-on-one three evenings a week for two-hour experimental sessions over the course of at least two semesters. He’d pay me for my time, as well as an additional four hours a week to keep this log, even if it didn’t take me that long.
He added that he would teach me hypnosis, and that during most of the sessions I’d be hypnotized. He asked me if I had any questions about that. Well of course I had a million questions, as well as a bit of concern. What would he be doing with me while I’m hypnotized? He said he couldn’t tell me, but let me know that there’d be no adverse results, and that if I felt uncomfortable with the experimental procedures, I could withdraw from the experiment for that reason.
I asked a number of other questions. Would he be giving me post-hypnotic suggestions? If so, he said, they would not adversely affect my life outside the laboratory. Would I remember what happened while I was hypnotized? Sometimes yes, and sometimes no, since the experiments dealt with memory. Would he change any of my past memories? At this he smiled, and told me would take very, very great care to do nothing that would harm me in any way. There was something about the way he said that, with his lovely soothing voice, that made me feel much better.
He went on to say that I could have the weekend to think about whether I was willing to be hypnotized and participate in the experiment, and let him know my decision on Monday. To be honest, I was definitely feeling some reservations—I’ve never been hypnotized, and it does make me a bit nervous. I’m worried that I might say or do something that will embarrass me. But, Professor B is a well-respected researcher, and I’m sure it will be OK. Figuring that a weekend of pondering would simply drag things out, I told him that I was ready to “sign up.” He gave me a warm smile which I returned, and told me that we’d start on Monday.
Week One—Saturday
Professor B requested that I spend a bit of time over the weekend telling about myself in this log. He reminded me that no one would be reading it, and requested that I write as if I were introducing myself to a stranger, describing my interests, my personality, some of my history, my loves, my experiences. I’ll do my best without turning this into “War and Peace”!!
My name is Katie M. I’m an undergraduate at Weeno U, studying English (composition and American lit) and Psychology (experimental). Since this is my own private record I don’t need to be humble (even if I am writing as if introducing myself to a stranger!)—I’m both bright and beautiful. I was Salutatorian of my high school class, and have made Dean’s list every semester in college. Although I don’t breeze through school effortlessly, I have the “will to work” and enough natural intelligence to be quite successful at anything I set my mind to.
Physically, I’m quite attractive. I’m of average height and build, with “classic” facial features—clear skin, high cheekbones, a well-formed nose, full lips that form a lovely smile or an enticing pout. My hair is very long (down to my butt!), rich, full, soft, coppery. I often wear it long—it’s straight, with just a bit of a kink. My hair is probably my best feature; I’m inordinately proud of it. I had one lover who told me that I seem to be cloaked within a shimmering veil of softly burnished fog (I made love to him for hours after that comment!). My hair contrasts beautifully with my rather-pale skin and my large, bright green eyes.
I have a very shapely body—my waist is trim, my hips are full, my breasts aren’t large, but they’re well formed and very firm. My only complaint is that my feet are a little too large. Men seem to naturally be drawn to me. I’m sure that part of it is physical, but I know other women who are just as attractive or even more so, who don’t seem to have the same “pull.” I think it’s because I’m confident. I know myself, who am I, and I’m comfortable with myself. I have something that many women seem to lack—I enjoy my femininity and I’m comfortable with my own sexuality. I have a deep appreciation for good sex, love to flirt, am friendly and outgoing. You might also notice that I’m rather modest!!!!
Don’t get the idea from all this that I’m a slut. In fact, I’ve only had three lovers during my twenty-three years. Well, four, if you count Jeff—but that was a slip due to too much wine and a confluence of emotional trauma, and won’t happen again; I’m just glad we’re still friends. I’m actually “between boyfriends” right now, although I’m dating three different guys—none of them seriously, and all know about the others.
What else? Well, I like to play tennis, I’m a pretty fair amateur photographer, and I take some dance classes. I’m older than most of my classmates, since I spent three years working after high school (a mixture of wanting some “real world” experience and having a family for whom money is a bit tight), but I enjoy hanging out with them, and I have a fantastic roommate who’s my best bud. I’m thinking about going to grad school in psychology after I graduate next year, but I’m still not absolutely certain.
Reading back over what I just wrote, I sound like “Little Miss Perfect.” I have my flaws. I have a quick temper, and sometimes I hear what I want to hear rather than what’s being said. I’ve been burned by a couple of past loves, and I’m rather wary. I definitely have my hurts and scars, but I think I’ll forego the details. I can also be moody. There are times when I just fall into a blue funk and nothing is right. Fortunately, I can pull myself out after a couple of days, and I don’t “go there” often.
Well, I think I “met the assignment.” Millie is calling, time to party!!!