Crying Wolf
Chapter I: Believe Me
Once there lived a young boy who was fond of playing pranks. Every day he’d cry out for help, just to see how many people he could fool. On the first day, he yelled out, “Help, help! There’s a wolf trying to eat me!” All the townspeople came to his aid, but found nothing more than a trickster sat laughing at his own hilarity. The second day, he yelled out, “Help, help! There’s a wolf trying to eat me!” Most of the townspeople assumed it was another joke and ignored him, but some wondered, “What if he’s telling the truth and we don’t save him?” So they ran to his rescue...and found yet again just a young boy who thought he was funny. On the third day, he yelled out, “Help, help! There’s a wolf trying to eat me!” No one came. They all knew of his habitual lies, and they weren’t having it anymore. They ignored his screams and went about their day as usual. By sundown, the boy’s body was found in a ditch, mauled by the wolves who had finally been real.
That is, of course, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. It’s a story we tell our children to teach them that if they keep lying, no one will believe them when it’s important. I wish I’d paid more credence to the tale growing up. Maybe I was just too good at making false excuses, but I usually got away with them, and that just made me tell them more.
“Where’s your homework?” “I left it in the car, but I’ll bring it tomorrow.”
“Did you throw the ball at your sister’s face?” “No, of course not, she must have missed the catch.”
“My grandma’s funeral is in two days, and I need you there for emotional support. Can you please come?” “Of course, babe; I’ll always be here when you need me.”
That last one wasn’t supposed to be a lie. I honestly did plan on being Trisha’s shoulder to cry on, and for totally selfless reasons. On my way to the funeral home, though, a deer jumped out in front of my car; I was moving too fast to brake, so I swerved off the road, but my car still hit the deer’s hindquarters. I didn’t get hurt (though I can’t say the same about the deer), but my car wouldn’t start anymore, and I’m no mechanic. It was two hours before the funeral, and I had no idea how long it would take to get a tow and get the engine fixed, so I had to give Trisha a call.
I told her what happened. Needless to say, the conversation wasn’t pleasant. In fact, it was the opposite. If I were to tone down some of her language, it went something like this:
“You WHAT? You’re not going to [freaking] be here?!”
“Babe, I want to, but I—”
“A [freaking] deer?! If you couldn’t be here for me, you should have said that, but don’t give me [shoot] about a [freaking] deer in the road!”
“But, babe, it’s—”
“Don’t ‘but babe’ me! No, Hank, I’ve put up with your bull[shoot] for way too long. My grandma just died, for [freak’s] sake, and you still lie to me to get out of it? I need someone who I can trust, and clearly, that’s not you!”
“Wait, why does it sound like you’re—”
“Because I am! Don’t call me again. Have fun with your [freaking] deer friend, you [butthole]!”
Click Silence...
I stared at the phone in my hand in shock for a moment. I just lost the love of my life all because she didn’t...believe me. She didn’t believe me when I was telling the truth. I lost her because of her disbelief... Oh, great, I was lying to myself now. It wasn’t her fault; it was mine, and I knew that. I leaned back against the car door and slid to the dirty ground. “All I need is for people to believe me...” I said quietly to myself.
Suddenly, there was a bright flash which obscured my vision; I thought, “great, lightning, a storm is just what I need now.” And then I heard the Voice. A sort of low whisper, almost a snake-like voice, coming not from any particular direction, but from all the woods around me. As if it was coming from the trees themselves. “Would that make you hhhaaaappppyyyy?”
I started. “Who’s there? Look, my car broke down, and if you—”
“Would beliiieeeefffff make you hhhhaaappppyyyy?”
I was terrified. The Voice on its own would be enough to do that, but being alone in the woods in the dark, hearing a voice with no particular source...well, we’ve all seen that horror movie. I was just expecting a madman with a chainsaw to come running at me from behind a tree.
“I....I guess,” I answered. Best to keep whoever it was content and not angry.
“Thhheenn belief issss what you shall haaavvveeee...”
Another flash of light, this one so bright it hurt my eyes and made me groan in pain. I couldn’t even convince myself this was just lightning, but as quickly as the pain had come, it vanished. “Hey!” I shouted to the air, or to the trees—I didn’t know which. “What was that?!” No answer. “WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!” I shouted. Only silence returned my call.
I sighed. At least it was over, whatever it was. I still needed my car towed, so I called a towing company, who said the truck would arrive in 30 minutes. I remained seated on the soil until it did.
“Hey, somebody call a tow truck?” The driver’s accent was straight from a stereotypical film about Southern ignorance. I try not to judge a book by its cover, but I was pretty sure he would have trouble reading a magazine, let alone a novel. Luckily for me, I didn’t need someone smart, I just needed a tow truck.
As he began hooking my car to the back of the truck, he asked, “So what happened here, exactly?” I told him about the deer. I told him I swerved. Then, for some reason, I told him about the flashes and the Voice, though I didn’t tell him what it had said. I fully expected him to think I was nuts.
Instead, he just responded, “Wow, I sure would be spooked if that happened to me!”
“You...you believe me?”
“’Course I do, mister. Why would you lie?”
The Voice echoed in the back of my mind. “Belief issss what you shall haaavvveeee.” Did that mean...? Nah, I was losing my mind. The guy was probably just a complete idiot who would believe any story someone told him.
Then again, if it was true... “Yeah...plus, I think that voice was your mom anyway.” Hey, try big or go home, right?
“Oh. Wonder what she was doing out here so late?” He pondered the question as he continued connecting my car’s bumper to the winch.
His response emboldened me more. “Well, she was with you. You told me to get the hell away from you.”
“Oh, wow, I don’t remember that at all. I must have been a little, er, tipsy, if you know what I mean; don’t take it none personally. Anyway, your car’s all hooked up; I’ll give you a lift back and we’ll figure out how much it’ll cost to fix there.”
I hopped into the passenger seat, but I didn’t speak the entire half-hour trip back. He believed that he had been somewhere he wasn’t just because I’d said he was. That wasn’t just back-roads ignorance, that was...I didn’t know what it was. But if it worked the way I thought it did, I knew I was due for an upturn in my fortunes.
The car would cost $350 to fix and about an hour and a half. While I waited in the lobby of the towing and mechanic shop, I called Trisha again.
“What the fuck, Hank?! I thought I told you not to call me again!”
“You never said that,” I tried, hoping above all else that it was real.
“Oh,” she said, suddenly a little calmer. “Well, I meant to say it. So don’t call me!”
“Before you hang up!” I rushed, keeping her on the line, “I was telling the truth. I was on my way to the funeral home and I hit a deer. I’m sitting in the mechanic’s shop now, but I won’t get out for another 90 minutes at best.”
“...oh. Well...” She seemed unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I’m just a little on edge with...everything going on.”
“Does that mean we’re not...?” I didn’t finish the question.
Trisha sighed. “No, we’re not broken up. We’re good. Just...don’t call me when you get out of the shop, because the funeral will have started by then. And don’t come and interrupt the service. I’ll stop by your place when it’s over.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then. I love you, Trish,” I said. I wasn’t lying. In fact, my only lie this entire conversation was pretending she hadn’t told me to stay away. Everything else was sincere.
“I know,” she said, sounding almost tired. “I love you, too. I’ll see you later.”
Less than an hour before, she had dumped me—explicitly—because she couldn’t believe me. Now, without changing the story, she believed every word, and we were back together. I couldn’t believe it, but I was starting to get used to it. I had pleaded for people to believe me, and now they did...about everything. I sat contemplating all the ramifications of this, and soon Mr. Hillbilly Mechanic called me up to the desk.
“Your car’s all done. The cost of parts and labor is $350. Cash or check?”
“No, it’s not,” I said confidently. “This one is a free favor for me.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re right,” he said. “Sorry, got mixed up. Here’s your keys; have a good night.” He handed me the keys, which I took, and I drove straight home. This was going to be a useful skill.