BLANDMAN VS. THE ELF WHO WOULD STEAL CHRISTMAS
The Justice League computers were in full dither which is just another way to say that the poor things were very much upset. Production at the North Pole had stopped and a crisis was brewing. Santa had sent out a request for help.
At first, the problem seemed almost mundane. One lone elf had decided that Santa had had his job long enough and that it was time for the fat man to step aside.
Santa disagreed and the lone elf who had a history of insubordination went postal which is to say she went back to her quarters, got several guns that were most definitely not of elvan manufacture and went back to the workroom and shot the place up.
Still, while this was a bit extreme, this hardly seemed to be a reason to involve the Justice League. After all, elves were notoriously thin skinned and this was not the first elf to go off the deep end. I mean, you try living your entire life at the North Pole with no shopping malls, no movie theaters, no entertainment of any kind, and see if you don’t go a little stir crazy every now and then.
So, security had seen this before and they thought they were prepared. The men rushed in and Kira, that was the elf’s name, Kira mowed them down. Not with the guns, mind you. Those were mainly for show, but with something just as deadly and just as lethal: Slut-bots.
Elves, as everyone knows, are pretty horny, little creatures. When they’re not making toys, they’ll pretty much fuck anything in sight. They got a saying at the North Pole. When an elf is really randy, they say “Even the reindeer are running scared.”
So you wouldn’t think Slut-bots would be all that big a deal. Oh sure, a novelty, yes, but hey, fucking is what elves do best and if you want to know a secret, they’re even better at that than they are at making toys.
But these weren’t any, old Slut-bots. These were mind controlling Slut-bots. Working in her spare time, which she had plenty of at the North Pole, and using the excess capacity at the North Pole created by a decided spate of naughtiness in the children of the world, (or at least that’s what Santa said although most of the elves thought it was just his hemerhoids acting up again and making the jolly old elf rather irritable,) Kira had built herself an army of Slut-bots able to satisfy the most carnal desires of even the horniest of elves. Of course, even Slut-bots weren’t guaranteed to put the elves in their place so Kira had another trick up her sleeve. It was a head band that once placed around the forehead locked the elf into an never ending band of elfan sex fantasies. Once under the thrall of one of Kira’s Slut-bots, an elf would lose the desire to do anything more than just fuck and fuck and fuck. In fact, so effective were her army of Slut-bots that while Kira and her army had taken over the joint in mid-summer, no one had actually bothered to press the panic alarm until early December and then it was only because the captive elves and their fearless leader needed more condoms and lube.
But the call did go out and the Justice League computers were all in a dither about it. Who should they send, they wondered.
Some people were obvious outs. Firewoman would most likely melt the joint before she got close enough to do any real damage and Waterboy would most likely freeze to death before he got there so they were definite outs.
They’d already sent a couple of superheroes up there but they hadn’t made it past the Slut-bots and now they, too, were caught in the thralls of the attractive automatons. So who could they send and more importantly, who could they get to go.
Most superheroes had in their contracts provisions that allowed them to say no to certain jobs. It was one of the perks that came with being a superhero and now, it seemed, everyone was using that out to get out of this particular job. Sure, saving Christmas was important, but no one wanted to run the risk of being the “Superhero Who Failed to Save Christmas”, so everyone, it seemed was opting out.
That’s when the Justice League computers started to look for a superhero who was so ordinary that he lacked even that most basic of provisions in his contract. What they found was Blandman.
Even the Justice League computers balked when they found that. Surely, they thought, surely there had to be someone else. Blandman was just so ... so ... so bland.
But there wasn’t anyone else. The call went out for Blandman.
Blandman didn’t hear the call at first. He got tired of carrying the Blandman cell phone with him wherever he went especially when no one was ever going to call him on it so he left it on the counter at home. It was only when he got home that he saw he had a message.
Even then, he didn’t think much of it. He only had two real skills. He could heat water by several degrees and he could make things freeze, and that was about it. He really didn’t think anyone had a real job for him but he checked in nonetheless.
“Where were you,” the voice on the other end of the line said.
“Christmas shopping. Why?”
“Oh. Did you get me anything good? No, never mind that. We’ve been trying to reach you all day. Get down here right away.”
Whatever it was, it sounded urgent, Blandman thought, but it probably wasn’t because if it was, they would have called someone else. Still, he’d been ordered to go to headquarters so off he went.
“So what the heck am I supposed to do against an army of Slut-bots,” Blandman asked when finally told of the mission.
“You’re a superhero. You’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah, but all I can do is heat and freeze water. I can’t really do much of anything.”
“Well, I suppose that will have to do,” his superior said and with that, Blandman was sent to a waiting plane that would drop him in over the North Pole.
“We’re doomed,” said his superior as he watched Blandman go.
“Yeah,” said another. “Christmas will never be the same again.”
The plane trip was quick and soon the plane was over the drop zone. “Get ready,” the pilot told the ersatz superhero. “Three ... two ... one ... jump.”
Blandman leapt from the plane and all of the sudden, he remembered something very important. He didn’t know how to parachute.
Fortunately, the chute opened on its own and Blandman floated gently down to earth.
He had instructions on how to get in to the North Pole complex. It was all very complicated with all kinds of biometric scanning and the like but if you went in through the side entrance, there was almost no checking at all.
Elf Kira was standing just inside the doorway. “Well, well, well, I was wondering who they would send next.”
Blandman backed up for two reasons. First, Kira had her entire army of Slut-bots behind her and it was kind of crowded inside the doorway, and second, if he was going to make a run for it, backing up seemed his best course of action.
Having an army full of Slut-bots sounds pretty cool, but Blandman couldn’t help but think it sounded cooler than it actually was. After all, not a one of Kira’s Slut-bots stood taller than two feet tall and while your average elf wasn’t much taller than that, Blandman towered over the Slut-bots. Some of the little Slut-bots looked like nothing more than cocks with feet.
“And just who the heck are you,” Kira demanded.
“I’m Blandman,” the superhero said.
“Never heard of you.”
“I know. I get that a lot.”
“So you’re it. You’re the best that the Justice League could send to beat me?” She shook her head. “It looks like they must be dragging the bottom of the barrel if they have to send you.”
“I get that a lot, too.”
“Enough,” Kira said even as she held up the robotic controller on her wrist. “I guess I might as well have one of my Slut-bots take you although it seems to me to be a perfectly good waste of a Slut-bot, if you ask me.”
“You seem to think you’ve won,” Blandman said.
Kira laughed. “So you think you have a way to beat me, do you. This ought to be good. Okay, hero, let’s see what you can do.”
“I’ve already done it.”
“What?”
Too late, Kira realized the trap that she’d fallen into. When she’d followed the superhero outside of the complex, she’d stepped out onto the snow and even as she stood there, Blandman had used his powers, first to melt the snow beneath her feet and then to ice it over again.
“Hey, let me go,” Kira demanded as she found her feet now wedged in a block of ice.
Even then, Kira could have stopped Blandman but she was too preoccupied with what had happened to her feet to pay attention to him. Almost in an instant, he was moving forward and he was grabbing her wrist.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
Too late, Kira realized what Blandman was doing. He was taking her robotic controller from her.
“No,” she cried out. “No-o-o-o-o.”
But already, Blandman had wrested the controller from her wrist. “Now,” he said, “time to give you a taste of your own medicine. Robots,” he said, “attack.”
Kira smiled evilly. “Do you think I would be that stupid,” she said. “My controller is voice activated. Robots,” she yelled. “This is Kira. Attack the stranger.”
The robots moved forward and Blandman groaned. His dick had suddenly swelled and he knew why, too. They wanted to fuck him and dammit, there was a cute, little robot that looked like little more than a pussy on wheels.
No, the superhero told himself. No. Get control of yourself.
The man shook his head. “Did you really think I was that stupid,” he said through gritted teeth. “I just needed to hear the voice commands.” He pulled out a tape recorder and started playing back the elf’s words. “Robots, this is Kira. Attack” ... and then with a quick rewind, the last word that came out was ... “Kira.”
The robots suddenly halted their forward motion and then they turned towards the hapless Kira.
“Robots,” the elf yelled. “Robots, this is Kira. This is Kira. Do not attack me. Do not attack.”
Blandman smiled. “Sorry, but it seems as if I’ve moved the controller out of range of your voice.”
Kira moaned as the robots advanced upon her. “No,” she moaned. “No. Stop. Robots, stop.”
But already, the robots were upon her.
“No,” Kira moaned. One of the robots climbed up on the shoulders of another and he had one of the mind control headbands out.
“No,” Kira moaned as the headband went over her forehead. Her pussy was so wet. “No. Must resist.”
But even Kira knew that was impossible. She was after all a master toymaker in Santa’s workshop and she knew how to build toys that were made to stand up to the trials and tribulations of petulant two-year-olds.
Already, she could feel the robots stripping her of her parka. She knew what the robots were doing to her but she knew she didn’t care. That was the mind control talking but she knew she didn’t care.
Why don’t I feel cold, she wondered. It’s the frickin’ North Pole and they’re taking off my jacket. I should feel cold.
Blandman seemed to sense her confusion. “There’s enough water vapor in the air for me to heat that. Now, why don’t you just relax already.”
“No,” Kira moaned, once again trying to get control of herself. “No. Must resist.”
Blandman just shrugged. “Suit yourself but I think you’d enjoy it more if you relaxed.”
He was probably right, the elf realized, but she couldn’t relax. She was supposed to be the one in control now.
The robots had her parka off and now they were taking off her top. “No,” she moaned. “No. Must resist.”
Kira could feel herself getting even hornier. She knew what was happening and yet even though she knew it, she still couldn’t resist it. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to perch herself over one of the Slut-bots that looked like a cock and she wanted drop herself down on it and she wanted to bang the hell out of the thing.
“No. No. Must resist,” but even as she said it, she felt one of the robots loosening her belt. It was taking off her skirt just as it had been programmed to do, just as she had programmed it to do.
Her feet were still locked in the block of ice but she could feel the robot coming up behind her. Her mind had almost completely surrendered to the headband she now wore. She was bare from the waist up and now the robot was bending her over at the waist.
“No,” she moaned. “No. I want to be in control. I want it. It’s me. It’s me. I want to be in control.”
The robot pulled her panties down and now Kira felt herself now totally exposed. “No,” she moaned as her mind fought to against the power of the robots. “No. Don’t.”
The robot had a big cock just as she had programmed it. She could feel the robot’s hands on her ass and then she could feel the robot spreading her cheeks.
“Now, for a little heat,” Blandman said.
The errant elf moaned as she felt the heat radiate from between her legs. She moaned again and then she bit her lip as her mind finally lost its battle to stay in control. She could feel the robot’s hands on her ass and she just couldn’t help herself. She surrendered to the inevitable. “Fuck me,” she moaned. “Fuck me.”
That’s when she felt it, the feel of that robotic dick between her legs.
She moaned again. “Fuck me. Fuck me.”
The robot wasn’t stopping and Kira moaned. The robot just kept on fucking her just the way she’d programmed it, too. Kira moaned again. Oh fuck, she was ready to be a good, little elf if only that robot would make her cum.
It was almost as if Blandman seemed to read her mind. “So,” he asked, “are you going to be good now? Are you going to be good if I let you cum?”
Kira was moaning uncontrollably. “I’ll ... I’ll ... I’ll be good,” she moaned. “I’ll be good.”
“You sure now?”
“I’ll be good,” Kira moaned again. “I’ll be good. I’ll be good. Just let me cum, you ass hole. I’ll be good.”
“Ass hole? I don’t know. That’s not very elf-like language.”
“You have no idea what we elves say when the rest of you guys aren’t around. Now, God dammit. Let me cum.”
“Well, all right, I suppose you’ve earned it if you promise to be good.”
“I promise. I promise. Now, let me cum.”
It came in an instant. A flash of heat between the elf’s legs followed almost as quickly by searing cold as the robot cock froze inside her cunt. Kira screamed with ecstasy and then she screamed again. She was cumming. She was cumming. She was cumming so fucking hard and this time, she knew it wasn’t just because of her robots. She knew it was the stranger, too. She was cumming so fucking hard.
Almost as quickly as it had began, it was over. Kira lay crumpled in the snow, her body a twitching wreck as after shock after after shock after after shock rolled through her superheated pussy and all the while as she laid there in the snow, she kept muttering the words, “I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good.”
With Kira and her robots out of the way, freeing Santa was a piece of cake which was exactly what Blandman did but even so, there was still one problem that was yet to be solved.
They’d managed to get him in here by air drop but how the heck was he supposed to get home. He hoped he wasn’t going to have to walk.