Benny the Bumbling Bunny
Introduction (no sex)
Long long ago in the days before Kings and Queens, when magic and myth ruled the land there was a belief that with the season of Spring came fertility. Every culture held their special ceremonies and rituals to enhance fertility and further their own civilizations. In one small sect located deep in the Black Forest of what would one day become Germany, a magic being came to be known as the Easter Bunny.
Originally only one Easter Bunny existed, exclusively for the followers of its faith in the small village of Ghirache. Each Spring the mythical creature would bestow gifts of fertility upon select individuals, gifts in the form of magic eggs. These eggs were more symbolic than what many today think of as Easter eggs. They were not painted, they were not colorful. They were simply eggs, much like any other, except to the right person they could mean a fruitful future and many blessings to come. In the Spring should a believer receive a magic egg buried beneath the entrance threshold of their dwelling, they would receive the blessing of fertility upon passing over that threshold.
Over the millennia many things changed. The belief in the Easter Bunny grew and spread to those outside the original faith. The concept was warped into a cartoon rabbit and not a mythical creature. The belief in Spring fertility continued and thus the magic continued as well. Each Spring the Easter Bunny, the real one that is, would still bestow mystical gifts to those who truly believed. However the job became more difficult. Believers were all over the earth and it became far more difficult for one Bunny to travel all places.
Less than six hundred years ago the Bunny Bequest program began. Mythical beings wishing to apply for Easter Bunny status were trained to perform the legendary duty so that instead of one lone individual, many Bunnies could spread over the face of the planet and scatter the magical gift of fertility to all those who believed. This proved a booming success, until the day a bumbling if well-meaning bunny by the name of Benny came along.
Benny was a Bunny, a real descendant of the original Easter Bunny. This allowed him many privileges and rights, not the least of which was a direct shot at being an Easter Bunny. However, poor Benny was a bit of a fool. He was simple-minded and commonly klutzy. As he tried for a hundred years to pass the tests and challenges necessary before being given a field test, he made many mistakes. It wasn’t that Benny didn’t want to succeed. He just seemed doomed to fail.
Then came the year, most recently in fact, that Benny was to be given his first solo field test. Benny would finally be a real Easter Bunny, but to only three couples. That was his limitation. The magic would only apply to three Easter Eggs and Benny had been carefully selected for one of the easiest assignments of all bunnies. The three believing couples all lived on one street in south Michigan. There was no reasonable way Benny could bumble this assignment and if all went well, Benny would be a licensed Easter Bunny in no time.
“Alright Benny are you all set for your first field assignment?” said Eli.
“Sir, yes sir.” Benny said, saluting the older and wiser bunny.
Eli rolled his eyes. “Benny this isn’t a military action. Just tell me if you have everything for your assignment.”
Benny looked down, his floppy ears hanging low. “Y-yes, yes I think so.”
Eli looked Benny over and saw several key items missing. “Benny, I’m gonna be gentle with you since you have tried so hard in the past. But you don’t have your basket which means you don’t have your eggs. And I don’t see your location map which means you don’t even know where you’re going.”
Benny was nervously twitching his nose as he took a deep breath. “Oh, okay I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright Benny, you’re nervous, it’s perfectly normal. Now you’ll find your eggs in the basket down at the end of the long table right over there.” Eli said pointing behind Benny to a busy lab filled with older more experienced Easter Bunnies.
Benny pricked his ears up and turned to look. Smiling, he turned to Eli. “And Benny, you’ll find your location map on the wall. I’m pretty sure yours is the lowest one on the right as you have just three sets of believers to visit.”
Eli watched Benny, firm but supportive that this would be only the first of many successful years for Benny the Bunny. “Now, do you have any questions?”
Benny seemed to think deeply, his furry little face furrowed in contemplation. He grinned at Eli, enthusiastically shaking his head.
“Well then hop to it Benny, time to spread the eggs!”
Benny hopped away happily in the direction of his Easter basket. The lab was crammed full of others all grabbing the baskets from the crowded table. Benny was shoved this way and that and each time he thought he would get his hand on the magical baskets, another older bunny knocked him down. Benny smiled and patiently waited. He’d get his chance. No reason to be rude, he realized.
Benny watched as one section of the table after another was cleared of baskets. Then he saw one small basket that had been overlooked. “There’s my basket.” He said proudly, hopping over and grabbing the small wicker container. Sure enough inside were three little eggs, his first magic Easter eggs.
Hopping away towards the location wall, Benny completely missed the small sign on the table where the basket had sat. There was a very good reason these eggs were left by all the others and it wasn’t because they were Benny’s. The sign read ‘Warning: Bad Eggs Do Not Use’.
The location wall was very full, holding hundreds and hundreds of lists. Most had several dozen or more names and locations. Benny carefully studied the wall, scanning every sheet of paper. He was determined to be careful and not make a mistake. “There it is.” He said happily.
Benny reached up to his small little list located exactly as Eli had said. Grabbing the paper he tore the list to him and hopped away with his basket and locations, ready to do his very first duty as a real live Easter Bunny. Unfortunately again Benny failed to notice that as he ripped the list, part of the street name was ripped away. He was now headed for Juniper Road when in reality the believers he was assigned lived on South Juniper Road.
Benny stood in line waiting for transport to his location. One by one all the bunnies were teleported to places around the world. Eli was watching Benny just to make sure he seemed comfortable and suddenly he noticed something else missing. This could be a problem.
“Benny, Benny wait, you forgot your...” But Benny was already gone.
Eli frowned and looked down at the Bunny Handbook laying on the small stool where Benny had been seated earlier. The handbook contained every rule and regulation essential for correctly bestowing Easter egg fertility gifts. All Easter Bunnies were required to carry them with them as they performed their jobs. Eli shrugged and then remembered Benny only had three eggs. Surely he could deliver those without needing to confer with his manual.
As Eli hopped back down to his office, he felt a dark shadow hanging over him. Benny would be fine, he told himself. He’d be just fine. Wouldn’t he?