AMNESIAC
Chapter Twelve — The Most Important Thing
Then
“This is so hot, Josh,” said the pretty, perky nurse as she carefully led her boyfriend through the back corridors to Doctor Mulroney’s office. She opened the office door and stifled a happy yelp. “I told you he wouldn’t be here. It’s just you and me.” She reached her hand down to his crotch and nodded approvingly. “Mmm, someone’s excited. We have to make it quick, though. I’m back on station in a little bit.”
“No worries, Amy,” said Doctor Mulroney. He pulled down his pants. “I’m just glad I could make your night go by a little faster.” He winked, and she eagerly sank to her knees.
“You’re the fucking best, Josh. Mulroney is such a creeper sometimes. Imagine what he’d say if he knew what we were doing in his office right now!” She giggled again, louder this time, clamping her hand over her mouth.
“Less talk, more action,” said Doctor Mulroney, taking her gently by the hair and guiding her to his erect cock. He smiled and moaned quietly as she closed her lips around it and went to work.
The desk phone rang. He looked at it, then down at the nurse, then back to the phone. “Hey, babe, hold on a second,” he panted, pulling her head back.
She looked up at him, confused. “What’s up, baby? Did you hear something?”
He snapped his fingers, and watched as her face slipped into serene blankness. “You will sit quietly and await further orders, Amy.”
“Yes.”
He ignored the protests from his lower body and reluctantly walked to the desk, where the ringing phone was waiting for him. “Doctor Mulroney’s office,” he began, knowing the response.
“Were you successful?”
“I’m not one of your little robots, Decker.”
“Cut the bullshit. Did you program her? Is she back in business?”
“The triggers are holding. Kapoor went out like a light. The skeptical ones always do. The two of them had a session this morning, and then Kate came straight to me. The German trigger is active and she responds well to it.”
“I’ve been trying to reach her. She’s ignoring her phone. She’s not supposed to do that.”
“She’s probably with her husband, Decker. After your stunt with Nikki, he probably pulled the guilty husband routine and went straight home. Don’t worry. She’s already programmed to turn against him. It’ll just take a few days to build up the resentment and guilt. Kapoor’s already ready to support and encourage her decision to leave him.”
“I want that schlub gone, Kyle. I need her out of the house on contracts, not hanging out with him watching TV every night. I can’t have my best agent farting around Freeport doing local hit jobs and playing Svengali to a bunch of sorority girls.”
“You’re the one who wanted her all hot for Mister Home and Garden in the first place, Decker, not me. Look, the triggers are working, her blonde friend is primed and ready for programming, and we have Kapoor on call to plug any holes for us. It’s foolproof. Calm your tits and keep calling her.”
The phone went dead.
I really, really, really want to be there when she blows your head off, Decker. He returned to the hypnotized nurse. “Amy, when are you supposed to be back on station?”
“Ten thirty,” she said.
He looked at the clock. She had only ten minutes left, and Nurse Gonzalez was a real hardass about tardiness. “What a waste of a good evening. Listen carefully, and remember.”
Now
“Hello Kate. Are you tired of the Weltschmerz?”
She knew just what to say.
“Yes.”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes.”
A pause. “Are you ready for instruction?”
“Yes.”
Another pause, longer this time. “I’m very disappointed with you, Kate,” said the voice, and the line went dead.
She stared at the phone for a moment before placing it on the counter. “Dammit,” she said. “Dammit. DAMMIT.” She stomped her feet on the floor, forgetting about the broken shards. “Damn it.” I should have recorded the call. I should have… ugh. UGH.”
“Hun, what’s the matter?” He joined her in the kitchen, still naked, and shivering a bit in the chilly air. “Jesus, it’s cold in here. What’s going on? Who was that?”
“Haaahmm, it’s nothing. Really. Just a stupid wrong number.” She pressed her naked body against his and relished the warmth. “Let’s go upstairs and go to bed.”
“It’s not just a wrong number, hun. Nobody gets mad when they don’t record a telemarketer call. And I know that face you’re making.”
“It’s… it’s long story. You wouldn’t believe it, anyway. I don’t even believe it, and I…”
“Look,” he said, cradling her face with his hands, “I didn’t believe you when you said you didn’t cheat on me, and I was wrong. I didn’t believe you about the shower, and I was wrong. I don’t want to be wrong again. I promised that I would trust you, Kate.”
“You did,” she said. “Okay then. Let’s have a talk.” She took his hands from her face and held them in her own as she gently pushed him back into the living room. He dropped onto the sofa with a soft plop, gathering up his ruined dress shirt for warmth. His pants were off in a corner somewhere, and he settled for his boxers while Kate retrieved her jeans and bra from the overturned coffee table. She huddled next to him. “Okay,” she began, “it all started with… Jesus, why do we keep it so cold in this house?”
“Blanket break?” he suggested.
“Blankets and coffee. We’re going to need a lot of coffee.”
“It all started with a voice in my head.”
He looked at her, and opened his mouth.
“I—will—pour this hot coffee over your head, James.”
He closed his mouth.
“Very good, Kate. Now listen to my voice, as I tell you what Doctor Mulroney wants you to remember. Relax completely, trust me completely.”
Doctor Kapoor’s commands washed over her like warm water, pulling her deeper and deeper into her own subconscious. She felt herself relax as she let the Doctor’s words wrap around her mind, comforting and soothing her as she continued to drift away. Every once in a while she felt herself nod her head, or respond with a gentle “yes, Disha” to something, before sinking back down into the wonderful, peaceful abyss. It was perfect. Everything was perfect. She was relaxed, and sleepy, just like Doctor Kapoor wanted her to be. Floating, drifting, feeling so peaceful.
“Doctor Mulroney wants you to remember this, Kate. So you will listen very carefully and remember now. Your husband deserves better than you. You are weak and broken. Weak, and broken.”
“Weak… yes…” she said softly.
She stood in front of the sink, the kitchen knife pushing deeper into her flesh. Blood, dripping, wet and warm and scary. She was an empty shell, and James deserved better. She’d tried to kill him. She was a monster. She had to end it.
“In the next few days, you will understand this more and more, until you realize that you must leave him. You are better off alone, Kate, where you cannot hurt anyone. He will understand. He will be thankful that you left him. Just let my words sink into your mind. He will be thankful when you leave him. You will be glad that you left him. Repeat this for me now.”
“I will… leave… mussst… remem… ber…”
The strange voice from the sink incident bubbled to the surface again, softer than Doctor Kapoor’s, but just as compelling. When you are ready, Kate, you will obey no one but yourself.
“I… I will obey?”
“Yes, Kate. Remember what we spoke of earlier. How afraid you are that he is lying to you. He is, Kate. He is a liar, and so are you. You are not a good person, Kate, and you must run away from him. You must leave him forever. He will be happy, and so will you. In a few days, when your mind is ready, you will understand this and accept it as the absolute truth.”
When you are ready… She thought of the knife falling from her hand, landing in the sink with a tremendous clatter. I have to free myself.
“I have to. Have to.”
“You will carry out Doctor Mulroney’s commands without question, Kate. We must obey him without question.”
Colored lines swirled behind her closed eyes, twisting and turning in impossibly beautiful ways. This is your final command. The lilting Irish voice was stronger now, filling her sleepy mind, blocking out everything else. Obey with every fiber of your being Above her sleeping body, above the voices in her mind, she could hear Doctor Kapoor speaking to her, demanding that she obey without question. Demanding.
Her placid face collapsed into a stern frown. “No.” James was wrong. He knows that now. You’re wrong, too.
“Relax, and go deeper for me. Deeper into trance. Let your mind drift away.”
“No. I can’t.” She shook her head. “I won’t.” I can do this. I can fight this. I can beat this. I have to free myself.
Doctor Kapoor pushed back her chair and stood. “I have my orders, Kate. I must obey them, just as you must obey them. Please relax and remain still, while I prepare a sedative to help you to obey.”
“No, I… I will obey you, Disha. I obey without question. I trust you completely.”
The Doctor stopped in her tracks, like a robot receiving new instructions. She immediately returned to her chair and sat down. “That is very good, Kate. I dd not wish to drug you. I am glad that you trust me. Now, repeat your instructions.”
“I will listen and obey. Listen, and obey. Listen to the voice, and obey.”
“That’s… very good… Kate…”
Kate continued. “I will let the words drift through my mind, softly, relaxing, deeper, relaxed. So warm and relaxed. So easy to let the words hypnotize me, take me deeper, deeper, so deep. My eyes are so heavy and relaxed, my muscles so heavy and relaxed. Heavy. Warm. Relaxed. Hypnotized. Deep. Deeper. Sleep. Deeper. Relaxed. Sleep. Sinking so deep, deeply hypnotized. Completely hypnotized, Disha. Completely, totally, deeply hypnotized.”
She paused, and cautiously opened her eyes. Across from her, the Doctor sat motionless, her head down, her long hair covering her face. She looked beautiful in trance, and another, older voice rose in Kate’s mind. I like hypnotizing pretty girls. I’m so good at it.
She pushed it away.
“Disha, you will hear only my voice now. You’re still deeply hypnotized. You’ve fallen even deeper into a hypnotic trance, beyond Doctor Mulroney, beyond thought, beyond his commands. There is only my voice now, taking you deeper and deeper, making you feel so relaxed and wonderful. What are you right now?”
“Deeply… hypnotized.”
“Good. My voice is your voice, Disha. My thoughts are your thoughts.”
“Your thoughts… are my thoughts…”
“I’m going to count backwards from ten, and when I reach one, you will become completely awake. You’ll forget that you hypnotized me. In your mind, you will believe that you are just about to put me into a trance, so that you can obey Doctor Mulroney. You must always obey him.”
“Yes. We must always obey Doctor Mulroney. We must obey him without question.”
I have to free myself. “You’re going to hypnotize me, and I will fall into a deep trance. You will undo all of the hypnotic suggestions that Doctor Mulroney told you to give me. In your mind, you will believe that you have programmed me as he asked, and that you have carried out his commands. You will write down everything that he told you to tell me, and any commands that he has given to you, and you will place that piece of paper into my purse. You will then snap your fingers, and we will both wake up.”
“We will both wake up.”
“You will not remember being in a hypnotic trance.”
“I will not remember.”
“From now on, whenever you try to hypnotize me, you will guide yourself back into this wonderful, relaxing trance, safe and warm, hearing only my voice. Do you understand?”
“I understand.”
“Good, Disha.” She lay back in the chair. “Ten, nine, eight…”
He looked at her, eyes wide. He hadn’t moved a muscle in five minutes. “So you hypnotized her?”
“Technically she was already hypnotized, but yeah, more or less.”
“And you broke free because she went too far, and tried to make you do things you didn’t want to do.”
“Well, that’s Psych 101, right? But I was really going under. I was going along with it. I believed what that she was telling me. She could have told me that I was the Queen of England and I would have believed every word of it. And then this voice clicks in my head. I’ve heard it before, I think. Maybe a lot of times. At least once since the accident. Telling me to free myself. Telling me that I’ll do it when I’m ready to do it. And suddenly I was doing it! And I… oh. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.”
“And what?”
She looked at him, amazed. “It was you, James. It was you, this whole time. It’s not just that she was trying to make me do something against my will. She was doing that already, programming me to obey Doctor Mulroney. Which I didn’t want to do, but as soon as she told me I had to, suddenly I really wanted to. But then she told me to leave you, forever, and I still didn’t want to! She was sending me over the waterfall, and you were the rock that I grabbed with all my might.” She leaned into him, and they shared a tender, lingering kiss. “You kept me from going over. You were the reason. You were my reason. This whole time.”
“I am now thoroughly confused,” he declared, returning her kiss with another, deeper one. “But I’ll always be your reason.”
“It’s hard to explain.” She was caressing his face, staring into his eyes. Her mouth hung half-open between sentences. “She was trying to take me away from you, send me back down into that black hole, all alone. That’s how they control people in cults. Get them alone, away from everyone, nothing to live for, except for obedience. Except for the master. Obedience is their purpose. But if someone finds another purpose, another reason, suddenly they don’t need obedience anymore. That’s what Alice was trying to tell me all along.”
His hands found her back, and they rested their heads together as he gently massaged her shoulders. “I love you, James,” she whispered between kisses. “I love you. I really do. I love you.”
He put a finger to her lips. “Who’s Alice?”
“I have absolutely no idea. Isn’t that crazy? I have no idea. All I know is that a light went off in my head, and suddenly I realized that I didn’t have to sit there all helpless and passive, like I did in the cult. I could actually do something about it. And then everything from college, and from the cult, and from what Michael Oliver taught me… it all came back and I knew exactly how to take control of Doctor Kapoor’s mind. Exactly how to lull her into a deeper hypnotic state, where she would accept my suggestions. It helped that she was really, really easy to hypnotize. It’s no wonder that Mulroney got his claws into her. You could probably hypnotize her.
He raised his hand. “Did I miss the part about the cult being a real thing?”
“I skipped it.”
“You skipped it.”
“I’ll circle back to it, I promise! Right now I want to tell you about today.”
“I don’t know what to say, Kate! This is crazy! Did you wake her up? Did you tell her what happened? What did she say?”
“I specifically didn’t tell her. I let her do her thing, which was really my thing, and then she woke us both up. I pretended that I didn’t remember being hypnotized and happily walked out of her office. I didn’t want her to freak out and accidentally spill the beans to Doctor Mulroney before I could make my appointment with him.”
“You didn’t actually go to see him after that, did you?”
She looked at him.
“Why didn’t you go to the cops? Why didn’t you call me? They tried to brainwash you! Like, literally tried to brainwash you, Kate! Not to mention Doctor Kapoor! This is some serious, scary shit we’re dealing with! We should call the cops. They’ll protect you. They’ll arrest him.”
She leaned against him, feeling his skin press against hers. She could feel his heart racing. “I love you so much. But… there’s more to this story that you really need to know first. Please. At the end, if you really want me to, I will call the police. Deal?”
“As my mistress commands,” he sighed. “You have a deal.”
“Deal it is, then. When I was done with Disha, I left the hospital and I came home, had a really, ha ha, REALLY stiff fucking drink, and then called and made that appointment. Surprise! He had room for me right away! So I agreed to come right away.”
“And you went.”
“And I went.”
“For fuck’s sake, Decker. Do you know what time it is? I have rounds tomorrow.”
“She’s not responding to the triggers, Kyle.”
He sat up in bed. “What do you mean she’s not responding to the triggers? She was just fine this afternoon.”
“Well, she’s not responding to them now. Listen, it’s worse than that. She knows about the Weltschmerz trigger.”
Doctor Mulroney held his hand over his tired face. “Decker, look, she can’t remember the trigger phrase. If it works, she goes under. If it doesn’t, it’s just a nonsense phrase that means nothing to her. You’ve been trying it out on her all week. Did she say anything? No.”
“She tried to bluff her way through it this time, you idiot! She tried to pretend that she was triggered. Do you know what this means? She knows that she’s supposed to go into trance. What did you tell her, Mulroney?”
His stomach churned. “I… shit, Decker. She might need another reinforcement session. That head injury of hers really scrambled her brain.”
“Then get that hot shrink of yours down to her house and get her back into a trance before she ruins everything. I don’t care how she does it, only that she does it before Kate decides to run to the police. Or the press. We won’t have the government to protect us this time.”
“We should just terminate her, Decker. She’s a broken toy. Throw her away and replace her with Claire Jenkins. Kill the husband while we’re at it.”
“I. Want. My. Agent. Back. Do you understand me, Kyle? I didn’t crawl out of that hole in the ground after we… after she ruined it for me, just to have her ruin it for me all over again. No. I want that dumb little redhead wrapped around my finger for the rest of eternity. Make it happen.”
The phone went dead.
Tina drifted to her bed as if drawn by magnets, pulling off her t-shirt and sliding beneath the cool silk sheets. She tried to push the day’s hectic events out of her mind. There would be time enough to tackle the revised budget on Monday. In the meantime…
She closed her eyes, and let her hand drift over her breast, cupping it gently and running her thumb over her nipple. “Mmmmmm,” she breathed, enjoying the sensation as her other hand slipped beneath her panties. Her fingers found her clit and she bit her upper lip, her face forming a tight smile as the pleasure surged through her. “Mmmmm, yes.” She arched her back and increased her speed, building herself up to a fantastic orgasm. Her eyes slid closed, and her bedroom became the castle’s main bedchamber, decorated with gold and silver and lace. Her beloved knight was gently making love to her, whispering French poetry into her ear as the pleasure built and built and…
The phone rang.
The castle dissolved, and the fairytale princess went back to being plain old Tina. The fire down below fizzled out just as quickly as it began, and she opened her eyes. Her phone sat on the edge of the nightstand. She eyed it with suspicion, preparing to let it go straight to voicemail, but she knew that she couldn’t. Clients didn’t like voicemail, even on Friday nights. Reluctantly, she rolled over and reached for it.
“Polaris Consulting, this is Tina.”
“Are you tired of the Weltschmerz, Nikki?”
Her eyes glazed over. “Yes.”
She opened her eyes, letting the fog clear away from her head. The phone was buzzing.
“Nnnnnnn… whaaaa? Who is this? What time is it?”
“It’s time to obey, Disha.”
“I… yes. It’s time to obey.”
“You will come to my office tomorrow morning. You will go into a deep trance when I ask you to.”
“I will come… go into a trance. Yes.”
“You will hang up and fall back into a deep, dreamless sleep. Remember nothing.”
“You went to the crazy evil hypnotist who was preparing to brainwash you into doing all sorts of horrible things. Alone. Without me, or the cops, or anyone.”
“I had to make him think that I was still under his control. That Doctor Kapoor had brainwashed me enough that I would do everything she told me to do. She ordered me to make an appointment with him right away, so I had to do it. Otherwise he would have figured out what I was doing, and I would have lost my one advantage.”
“Did he hypnotize you?”
“Back and forth, just like this. Your eyes follow the light back and forth.”
She let her eyes close a little more as Doctor Mulroney swept the penlight in front of her, back and forth, slowly and evenly. Inside, she laughed a bit at the corniness of it all. Back and forth. Flash. Back and forth. Flash. Back… flash. Forth… back… forth… forth… flash…
“Uh huh,” she heard herself say. Back and forth… back… no… wait… can’t let… can’t fall… She dimly remembered being asked a question, but fortunately, he chose that moment to repeat it, and she responded. “Yeah. I can… hear.”
“Eyes so heavy. Relax. Back and forth, and sleep.”
Can’t… back… flash… forth… sleep. Sleep. Yes. So tired. Sssooo… no. NO. KATE. NO.
“He’s good, James. Holy shit, he’s good. One second I was laughing at how easy it was going to be to fool him, and the next second I was on the edge of being turned back into a zombie. It happened that quickly. And all because of that stupid penlight! No drugs, no spirals, no electronics, just… Jesus, just thinking about it makes me start to drift off! So I started singing in my head until my brain reset itself. I could barely hold it in after that, but I managed.”
James looked at her and smiled, until she smiled in return. “Was it… the song, I mean,” he grinned. “Was it ‘Africa’?”
“No, James. Only you would sing that to keep from being hypnotized. If I tried that I would have gone under instantly out of sheer embarrassment. Can I get back to my story about being brainwashed by my primary care physician, please?”
“Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. This is just really intense! You’re scaring me, and I can only imagine how scared you were. How scared you are, even now, just telling me all of it. This is absolutely insane. So you sat there and pretended to be hypnotized?”
“Turns out that a little practice goes a long way. Or a little role-play with your sexy husband.” She held out her arms like a sleepwalker. “Command me as you wish, Master. Anything for you, Master.”
“You’re deeply asleep, Kate. So nice and deeply asleep now. Did you meet with Disha this morning?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sure that she had a lot to tell you. As I say these words, a door is opening in your mind, and all of the things she told you to forget will now become clear to you. What did Doctor Kapoor tell you to do, Kate?”
“I will let you hypnotize me, and take me into a deep trance. I will obey without question.”
“Take off your sweater, and your shirt and your bra, and play with your tits for me. Do it now.”
“Yes.” She felt the rage build inside her. Has he been doing this every time?
She began to pull off her clothes as he nodded and rubbed his hands together. “As you do so, Kate, you will tell me who your true master is. Who is the man you obey more than anyone?”
“You are my master,” she responded, as her bra hit the floor and her hands began caressing her breasts. Let him hang himself, Kate.
“Very good. Very, very good. As you feel your body under your fingertips you will become aroused, full of desire only for me, your master. I am the only man you truly desire, Kate.”
“Yesss…. so hot…”
“Whenever you make love to your husband, you will imagine making love to me instead. Whenever he kisses you, you imagine me kissing you instead, and your submission to me will deepen ten times more. Your desire for me will increase ten times more. Do you understand?”
“Want…. desire… sssssubmit… yessss.” Her hands moved faster, and she began to sweat. “Undersssstand…”
“You and I, Kate, we’re special. We’re soulmates. You’ll see that soon. When you become my devoted slave and servant. With Decker out of the way, it’ll just be you and I, and our little collection of puppets. I’m going to enjoy fucking you, Kate. And you’re going to love every second of it.”
“Yessssss….”
“But first, the show must go on. Relax now, Kate. Put on your clothes, and sit back in the chair, going ten times deeper into trance for me when you do so.”
“Yes.”
“Another day, another lovely day… hey, how are you?” She gave the orderly a winning smile, and danced around him, letting her hair spin around her in the way she liked best. She wanted everyone to see how happy she was, and to everyone and their mothers, she seemed egregiously happy. To everyone, to their mothers, and especially to any spies that Doctor Mulroney had stationed between his office and the parking lot.
The Honda was just a few rows away from the front of the lot, and she smiled as she reached into her purse. She brushed aside the car keys and reached for the tape recorder, thankful that College Kate had splurged on the expensive, silent-running model. She held the machine in her hand, enjoying the wonderful feel of the buttons on her thumb, and the sound of the tape as it rewound itself to the beginning.
“Gotcha.”