REVISITED
by Ray Hoey
I guess you could say this was the dark time.
This was the time when my life was scattered, when so many directions could have been placed before me, yet I didn’t have the heart to pursue any of them. My heart at that point...didn’t exist. It felt more like a big, wide gaping hole was gnawing in my chest and wouldn’t go away.
It had been been six months since Amber disappeared. Not just left, but disappeared literally. It happened during a magic show that I was performing for a TV exec, that might have gotten Amber, who was my assistant at that time and myself a very lucrative contract. When we did our closing act, a Zig-Zag box to a vanish, all went is it should.
Except that Amber never reappeared. There were no signs she left the theater, her coat, purse, and other stuff were all still in the dressing room. No one saw her leave. There was nothing in the house we shared to show that she had departed either.
She was just gone.
For months, I searched for her. So did the police, who at one point even suspected me of foul play. But both the police and I came up with nothing. None of Amber’s friends or family knew anything. That was one of the hardest things, having to tell her mother and father what happened...mainly because, I really didn’t KNOW what happened! I loved them both dearly, especially with my own parents being dead, they were the only family I had.
Harder still was enduring the anguished looks in their eyes when we spoke, even to this day. I know in my heart that they truly don’t believe I had anything, at least bad, to do with Amber’s disappearance. (The TRICK worked after all!) They know I loved her more than anything. But I also know in the back of my mind, that they can’t help thinking, “maybe...what if...perhaps...?”
The cruelest irony was that even with my true magical powers, which I had fought to keep hidden to avoid being treated like a freak, I was helpless. My father’s dying wish had been for me to use my powers wisely and carefully, never using them for personal gain, or an easy solution. But life had constantly proven that impossible. I had to use them time and again because I didn’t see any other way. I even saved Amber’s life with my powers once, although that was after I had used my powers to push her into a situation that turned dangerous...all to get a better life for us!
Yet for all that, I couldn’t use my powers to find her, or to even know if she was alive. I could close my eyes and easily envision her sandy-blond straight hair, her hazel eyes, high cheekbones, glowing skin, soft full lips and lithe body. I could almost reach out and feel her. I could almost hear her soft laugh, her cooing of admiration, her “oh yeahs!” of enthusiam...EVERYTHING...
...and nothing. NOTHING. And it was big nothing that was growing inside me, gestating like the chest bursting creatures in the “Aliens” films, only the pain lasted much longer.
What I never imagined was how far I would go to use my powers to ease that pain...
After Amber vanished, I kept up with my magic. I had done several shows for clients that paid well, but I had to cut down on a number of acts because they had involved both Amber and myself. Instead, I ended up breaking my vow to my father and “faked” my shows by actually using my powers to perform with. For example, I would call for a female volunteer from the audience and actually levitate her with my powers, instead of the “old fashioned way”. Because of my performing style, no one ever suspected a thing. Sure, doing it this way, made things easier. But my conscience and more importantly my HEART felt empty.
Simply put, there was no heart in what I did, no SOUL. With Amber, I had felt more REAL, more HUMAN...a lesson that she had taught me endlessly. Now...what was the point?
Before long, the shows became infrequent. I just didn’t have the same drive as before...I wasn’t even sure if I could carry a show by myself.
My interest was declining and the money was drying up.
And then, of all people, Mark Killiac called to save my ass...
Mark was a theater critic who had in my opinion began on the side of the angels, then took the express elevator down...WAY down! Early in our career, Mark had written some nice review of shows that Amber and I did on the theater circuit after my manager Sid Moritz died. Then, Mark got the attention of the management of the Chimera Theatre in Los Angeles who needed an act that could perform during the theater’s normally dark days. All Amber and I had to do was perform one act and the six figure contract was ours.
The catch was, Mark had arranged for the illlusion that we auditioned with, without telling us, thinking he was doing us a favor because we had succeeded with it before.. Amber and I had performed the illusion once during a benefit and that was enough. The buzz saw illusion is scary enough when performed with all the equipment working properly. IMPROPERLY WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.
And the illusion malfunctioned. But due to a happy accident, Amber wasn’t injured and we vowed never to do it again...until Mark called about the Chimera proposal. Amber hadn’t wanted to do the illusion again and it truth, neither did I.
But in a moment of pure inexcusable desparation, I cracked. I hypnotized Amber to render her unconscious and went through with the act.
And Amber nearly died a SECOND time.
But my powers came through and ended up saving both of us. But, I refused to have anything to do with the Chimera after that.
I never spoke to Mark Killiac again...until now.
The phone buzzed and I was slow in picking it up. “Hello?” I said.
“Ray?” squeaked Mark on the other end. “Is that you?”
“What do you want?” I gruffed. I had no time for this guy. Mark chuckled a bit then continued.
“Not even a “hello, how ya doing?"” he asked. I was about ready to hang up.
“Get to the point, Mark.” I said, curtly.
“Look, I know that things haven’t been easy for you lately. Especially since Amber vanished.” I had no reply so he pushed on. “I haven’t seen you much in the trades, but I came across something that I thought might help your dry spell.”
I leaned forward, having piqued my interest a bit. “Are you talking about a show?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “It’s for a very particular client...or should I say clients?”
I was floored. This guy, whom I didn’t trust, was trying to offer me the kind of thing that made me lose my trust in him to begin with! My head began to hurt...
“Goodbye, Mark” I said, about to hang up.
“WAIT, WAIT!” he cried. I mulled it over, then spoke into the receiver again.
“Wait for what? To listen to YOU? The last time I did that, Amber was nearly killed...and now, she’s not even around anymore to remind me how lucky I was she didn’t...” My voice broke as the pain came back.
“Look, do you honestly think that if I had known what was going to happen, I would’ve made those arrangements? Do you really think I wanted to hurt either of you?”
It’s amazing how much soul searching can take place in the course of a few seconds...but I had to admit that I didn’t feel he wanted to hurt me then...or now.
“I just wanted the best for you two, because you guys were something special in this town. With all the bullshit here in La-La Land, you two somehow kept it real. I just thought you deserved better opportunities for that.”
Silence hung between us before I said, “So, what’s this gig?”
His voice brightened up immediately. “Well, as you know, there are plenty of adult clubs, swingers groups and fetish parties in this town...”
“I don’t do leather or chains.” I said flatly.
“Relax, it’s not like that. This is for a party of very rich, young people, couples who gather for erotic games and stuff...they thought that having a magician perform at their gathering would be fun. And the best part is...they’re willing to pay $1 million.”
I tried hard not to stutter at that amount. “$1 million? How could they afford that?”
“Some friends of mine belong to the club and it turns out that this club is composed of people whose assets total no less than $3 million per person. So, by pooling their resources, a million is nothing to them.”
“But why ME? " I asked. “Why don’t they just hire some other magician?”
I could almost see Mark smiling on the other line. “Because they all had seen you and Amber perform together and loved how great a couple you two made. Almost all of them know about what happened to Amber. I guess they thought maybe they could cheer you on and get you going again. They said you’re free to do whatever tricks or illusions you like. They want you to feel welcome.”
I had to admit that this was the singularly best piece of news I had received in a long time. I should have been hopping off the walls at this stage. But, instead I was plagued by questions, doubts...could I really live up to these people’s expectations? Could I really get back in the saddle? Was the money really that important? Most important of all, could I do it without Amber?
“When is this gig?” I asked.
“Saturday night.” he replied. SATURDAY NIGHT? That was two days away! My thoughts turned a bit melancholy as I remembered how my late manager Sid always arranged gigs for me at the last minute. I could almost picture him, looking down at me, laughing his head off...I missed him.
“So? What do you say?” he asked.
The show was not going well. I had brought everything in my repertoire to entertain these people, most of whom looked like catalog models, splayed all about the main hall of this large Bel Air mansion. I was doing every trick and illusion I knew and had made a point to myself of doing them the honest way, the way my other fellow magicians had learned and practiced themselves. But it wasn’t long into the show when I could sense a restlessness from the crowd. Sure, they applauded but there wasn’t much enthusiasm behind it.
A few times, I called for an audience volunteer and at those points, people seemed to perk up. But when the audience saw me merely draw a card that a volunteer had chosen, all while I was BLINDFOLDED the whole time no less, the energy seemed to fade. I was grateful to call the intermission.
While I gathered and regrouped for the second half, the event organizer, a girl named Traci came over to talk to me. Her parents owned the house but they were in Europe for six months, so she decided to make the most of it. Traci was blonde, with a curvy body that was snug against the simple black dress she was wearing. She was lovely, but was nothing like Amber. Traci’s sleepy looking blue eyes, and her babyfat cheeks reminded me of a gangster’s moll from a 1940’s noir film. The way she sauntered up to me only reinforced that image.
“How are you doing?” she asked, her voice a bit low, with a slight rasp.
“Well, my tricks work, but I don’t seem to be getting through to everybody” I replied.
“That might be because they were expecting something more than the standard tricks...” she said.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Well, something a little more daring, a little more risque...something they can get really get behind, if you know what I mean...”
“Actually, I think I do...but what can I do? I mean, my show is my show. I thought I was hired because everyone wanted to see me do my show...”
“Maybe your show, as such, isn’t enough...especially for $1 million.” I was hornswaggled! Who did this woman think she was, bringing up the fee now of all times?
“Look,” she continued. “all I’ll say is that I suggest you make the second half something unforgettable...unless the rumors I’ve been hearing are true...”
“What rumors?”
“That Amber was made to “disappear” because she was the one with talent in your act.” And then she walked away.
My blood pressure must’ve been ready to go like Mount Vesuvius. What the hell was with this girl? Amber had talent, no question, but it was TOGETHER that made us a great team! Who the hell did these people think they were, making their judgments when they had absolutely no clue! I know many fellow magicians that would’ve just walked away after such an insult, fee or no fee.
But I couldn’t do it for several reasons...
First, I was a professional and I was going to follow through with my commitment to finish the show. Next, I wasn’t going to let this stuck up crowd get away with insulting me...and finally...
I had an idea...
When the second half started I walked out in front of the crowd again and faced them. Okay, you snobs...you want something to remember? Try this... I then said, “Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to my attention that a number of you are, shall we say, less than happy with how the show has progressed so far. It’s all right. Such criticism is very useful in such times, and so, I have decided to forgo my original program for the second half and present you with something a bit more...unusual.”
The crowd began to murmur at this point, bristling with anticipation. They’re going for it...I thought. With a wicked smile, I turned toward the sides where Traci stood watching with her fellow friends. I swept my hand toward her and said, “Perhaps if our lovely hostess, Traci would care to assist me?” I could see her taken aback a little, but she recovered and sashayed to the stage, amid growing cheers and applause from the audience. When she got to the stage, I took her by the hand and kissed it.
Her eyebrows went up as no doubt her curiosity began to get the better of her. “Thank you for coming up.” I said. She nodded gracefully before I continued. “But, as you know, you couldn’t resist coming up, could you?”
A puzzled expression crossed her face as she said, “What do you mean?” At that point, I began to focus and lock my eyes on hers...
“I mean, you couldn’t resist helping me, could you? In fact, you couldn’t resist me at all if you tried, isn’t that true?” My eyes began to bore into hers. I could see her eyes widen a bit in surprise as she no doubt was wondering what was going on. “Come now, you’ve been wanting to participate all along, haven’t you?” I asked sweetly.
“Well, yes, I suppose...” Now, I could see that her eyes were starting to lose that glint of life, that showed she was in control. She was slowly becoming...MINE...
“And now, here’s your big chance...so, you really want to help me, then?” The more I concentrated, the more I could see that she was fading. Her eyes were now vacant, and her voice was losing itself.
“Uh...yes....I think...".
“DON’T THINK...Just LISTEN...and obey...because you do want to obey...”
Now she was putting up what remained in her mind to struggle. “No...I...can’t..”
“Of course, you can. It’s easy because you WANT to!” I intoned firmly. Her body was starting to sway at this point.
“I...no....don’t....”
“Don’t resist...don’t fight it...because you can’t...”
“I...can’t...fight....” Her eyes were fluttering so much now, any moment she would be at my mercy.
“You will now go into a deep sleep,” I commanded. “You will obey my every command”
“I....will....obey...” she intoned. I smiled. She was ready.
“SLEEP.” I commanded. Instantly, Traci’s eyes closed and she collapsed forward against my chest. I gathered her into one arm, where she hung limp, seemingly lifeless. Then, I turned back to the crowd. To my surprise, no one had moved an inch, but they were all staring intently at what had just transpired. But the stares were those of amazement, awe...and I noticed in a few cases...approval.
So, THIS is the kind of thing they wanted...well, mustn’t disappoint them.
I then began making passes above Traci’s body and softly commanded, “Traci, you are now becoming as stiff as a board. Rigid as steel. Every muscle locked.” I could feel Traci’s body shift as it straightened and her arms were plastered to her sides. I tried separating them from her sides, but with great difficulty. Traci truly had a suggestible mind.
“I need two chairs in front of me, facing each other, about five feet apart.” Two guys from the audience quickly complied then sat down. I brought Traci to the tops of the chairs and carefully placed her body so that her neck was on the back of one chair, while her ankles were on the other, with the majority of her body spanning the middle, forming a human bridge of sorts.
“It’s one thing for the body to be balanced in such a manner. It’s quite another to remain so when weight is placed on top.” And with this, I concentrated...until my feet left the floor. I floated up, over Traci, manuevered myself into a sitting position in midair and started to come down...to the middle of Traci’s body! Within seconds, I was casually sitting on top of her, yet her body didn’t betray one ounce of discomfort or shift in position. Traci remained impassive in her trance.
At this point, the crowd was beyond murmuring. They were applauding enthusiastically for the first time...and some of the couples appeared to be feeling each other up! My GOD, they were actually getting hot over this! Well, let’s turn up the heat a little then...
I hopped off Traci and took a bow. Then, I said, “Of course, sometimes balance can go even further than you can imagine.” And with gusto, I KICKED both chairs out from under Traci...and she remained in the same position, now floating in midair...thanks to my powers! Cheers went up as well as gasps as I’m sure many wondered how I was doing this...
“You know, “I said, with a sly grin, " it’s getting a little hot in here...what do you say, we give Traci a break?” Without waiting for a response, I waved my hands over Traci’s floating body...and suddenly, in the blink of an eye, HER DRESS WAS GONE. Now she was clad in red satin bra and matching panties and her silver ankle strap high heeled shoes. The men in the room went nuts...and then their girlfriends or wives went nuts with them...now, couples were feeling each other up, with no regard for anyone but themselves...ravishing, kissing,...EVERYTHING! And in all that, they kept saying one thing to ME; “MORE!”
Suddenly, it seemed as if a window to my mind had opened and I had a clarity inside me as never before. I felt like I could do anything, like anything was possible...but of course, for me, anything WAS ALWAYS POSSIBLE! I felt as if a dam had opened in my head and so many ideas and thoughts that I had always suppressed were now flooding to the fore. I suddenly wanted to do ANYTHING!
With this powerful feeling, I turned back to the levitating Traci and leaned over to whisper in her ear, “Traci, I will now make you float higher. The higher you go, the more aroused you will get.” Wasting no time, I waved my hands above her and she began to float higher. As she did, she instantly started to moan, and began squirming, running her hands up and down the length of her body, several time poking her fingers under her bra and panties...
“Ooooo....” she uttered as she ascended. " OH......ohhhhh....ooooo” Her cries became louder as she went higher....her caresses becoming harder as she progressed.
How’s this for an unforgettable experience, you twats? I thought gleefully. Now, I could see guys and girls stripping, getting into the spirit of things. It was time for the big finish.
“You know, she might catch cold the way she’s dressed now...what say we warm her up, eh?” The crowd roared their approval. Finally, with utmost concentration...a length of flame began to form in midair, just in front of me. The length grew to about five feet. I then used my mind to bring the two ends together...to form a fiery hoop!
At this point, it was so quiet in the room, only the lick of flame was talking.
I then, gently manuevered the hoop so that it gently passed around Traci’s nearly nude body. The glow of the fire illuminated her gentle skin, now beaded with sweat. The hoop went from head to toe and then back again.
At this point, the audience was going mad, cheering, clapping, whistling, (that is when they weren’t in the throes of passion!) I myself felt as if I just finished climbing a mountain...
I felt like nothing could stop me!
I don’t remember much of what happened after that. Obviously, I ended the show on a great note. Traci was restored to her former dignity and I was paid in high compliments...as well as $1 million.
But the thing I remember most was that for the few minutes that I had Traci completely under my control, the painful ache in my heart had vanished.
And now that the show was over, and I had my $1 million fee...my heart felt empty again.
Because, though it was all real when it happened, it wasn’t as real as when I worked with Amber. With Amber I had felt true labor, sweat, creativity...and most of all...LOVE.
Even when Traci came to me backstage and told me how she had enjoyed EVERY SECOND of her experience (mainly because I made sure she remembered!) the feeling was a fleeting one for me.
How ironic...the last girl I hypnotized against her will, she had nearly died and I vowed I would never do that again. And now, here I was, having broken my own vow and what happened? I actually felt ALIVE for the first time in a LONG while.
And the frightening thing was, while Traci had enjoyed the experience...so did I.
And I would do ANYTHING to feel that way again...