The Wizard
Chapter One — Earrings of Simple Beauty
Here it was, our six-month anniversary. Not that I expected anything out of my idiot boyfriend Dustin, who hadn’t considered that any anniversary so far was worthy of special effort. The closest he’d come was taking me out to a new restaurant on our four-month—only then he let it slip he’d just wanted to give the place a try, and I realized he hadn’t even known the day was anything special.
I guess to be fair, I should admit he wasn’t really anything all that special to me either. He was the kind of guy that my mom always wanted me to date. Dustin made great money doing something technical I didn’t understand or want to understand (something called thaumaturgy?). He didn’t cheat on me or abuse me (and honestly, if he ever tried either, I’d beat his scrawny ass to kingdom come). He had a cat, Milly.
He was the kind of boring dweeb Mom had always pressured me to date, and with my 30th birthday looming large, if I ever wanted to actually settle down and do the family thing, maybe I should take her advice for once. She’d made it work with my dad, after all, and they have less than nothing in common. Besides, as she was always reminding me, not many smart rich men would date 30-somethings who worked in retail at the mall. (I was a shoe-in for day shift manager, but still.)
So here I was, six months in with a guy that I was still trying to get used to being touched by. I’m not a priss or anything, it’s just… well, here’s how I explained it to my friends. Dustin and I, we both have strengths, and they don’t have much overlap. He’s good at keeping things organized; I’m good at home decorating. He’s got money; I’ve got friends. He’s smarter than me; I’m… well, let’s be honest—I’m out of his league. In the conventional sense.
Not that I’m crazy drooly hot or anything. If I were going to let some pig slap a number on me like a side of beef, I’d expect a 7 or so. I’ve got that kind of pretty-without-being-intimidating thing going on, the “girl next door” as they call it. Cute face, long legs, nice and fit. And hey, sue me if my breasts never really grew after 6th grade, but on my skinny little frame, I think they looked pretty all right.
I get hit on, a lot. Hard. Annoyingly so. A shift never went by without some sleaze ball (or twenty sleaze balls) trying to get my number. That’s how we met, actually, but when I saw he was wearing an $8000 watch, I went ahead and gave it out for once. (I’m much more a relationship gal than a casual hookup type. My body is my temple, and all that.)
Dustin… well, like I said. He’s smart. A provider. That counts for something. (Right?) But still, every time we’re together, I can’t help but feel like he’s looking at me like I’m some prize he won out of a claw machine game or something. Like he’s trying to figure out how I work. I don’t know. It’s just… weird.
I just told myself it would work itself out, and let him fumble along. It’s not like he was my sugar daddy or anything. I wasn’t just some girl he could booty call, then make it all right with a piece of expensive jewelry. (Though he did buy me quite a bit of it.)
Though presently, as I rode the elevator up to his penthouse, I told myself that if for all his brains he wasn’t bright enough to have at least remembered our anniversary, I didn’t care how expensive the next vacation he took us on was. I was done. I’m a hot little commodity, and I demand respect and consideration.
I texted my mom, on my way in—if he forgot again, we’re DONE. Wish him luck. I’d have said to wish me luck, but I knew it was him she was rooting for. A dependable male to give her some grandchildren and spoil her daughter. She was so old-fashioned it was embarrassing sometimes.
I let myself into the apartment, and surprise surprise, there was my boyfriend with his nose in some book. He didn’t even notice me enter. Looking around, it sure didn’t look like I was expected either. I saw no candles, heard no music, smelled no dinner. Dustin was wearing comfy old jeans and a t-shirt with a weird shape in the middle with all kinds of random numbers on it that said “I’m Attacking the Darkness”.
Whatever the fuck that meant.
Jesus, the slob hadn’t even cleaned the place. There were old soda cans on the end table and dirty laundry all over the living room, and his omnipresent notepads full of scribbles I couldn’t make sense of. There was litter everywhere. Hell, I tidied up more than this if I was expecting a pizza guy.
“Ahem.”
He didn’t look up.
“AHEM.”
He scribbled something in a notepad on his lap. Stroked his chin pensively.
“DUSTIN!”
He jerked to attention. “Damn, Jes, I didn’t hear you come in. Sorry—I was really absorbed in this. Great bit of theory by an apprentice of Mordenkainen—that’s right, THE Mordenkainen!”
I rolled my eyes. He knew I didn’t understand and wasn’t interested in his techno-babble. “Sounds awesome,” I said, sparing no sarcasm. “You about to get ready, or…?” I braced myself for it.
“Uh, sure,” he said, finally taking note of me. I was wearing a tasteful ankle-length blue dress, a string of pearls I’d bought for myself (with his money), a pair of shoes he no doubt wouldn’t appreciate cost $800. (Also his money.) How could he have so little respect for his investment?
“Great,” I said. “I can’t wait to see what you have planned.” Aaaaaand…
“Planned? What do you mean, planned?” There it was.
I let my displeasure show on my face. “You really don’t know, do you. You forgot. Again.”
“Forgot what? Did we make plans? Milly, you didn’t remind me…”
“Stop talking to your fucking cat!” I thundered. It was cute sometimes, the way he’d talk to her and she’d mew back at him and they’d pretend to converse. But I was not in the mood for cute. “It’s our anniversary! Six months, Dustin—six months, and you still can’t keep me a priority enough in your life that you want to celebrate that!”
“Jes, sweetie. We just went out like two days ago. Why do we need some big excuse to enjoy each other? I always like spending time with you.”
“Maybe I deserve more than just a dinner? Huh? You ever think of that?”
“What do you mean? I got you a credit card! I took to you Turks and Caicos! Who pays for your trips to the salon, and those day-spa appointments?” He paused, and took a deep breath to calm himself. “Look, I’m not saying you… owe me, or whatever. I have more money than I know what to do with, so if I can use it to make you happy, great. You just… always seem to want more.”
“Maybe I deserve more than just an allowance. Maybe I want you to get me something that shows you really know me. Maybe I want your respect. Maybe I want to be treated like a lady, you know? With class, and dignity.”
He fixed me a hard look. Chilling, almost, if I could have made myself take him seriously. As it was, at his most menacing he was about on par with the bad guy from a children’s cereal commercial. Dustin was just too geeky to be afraid of. I mean, he collected wands and pixie dust and stuff, like he’d never grown out of his Harry Potter phase.
Then, he softened. “You know, you’re right. Why are we fighting? I just remembered—I did get you something. I’ve been waiting for the right moment. Stay right there.”
I folded my arms impatiently as he hustled away. How could he possibly not have thought our anniversary would be the right moment? Because he forgot, obviously. Watch him come out with some kind of voodoo potion or tickets to a comic book convention. I asked myself for the hundredth time how I ever could make it work with a guy like this.
I gritted my teeth and steeled myself to make good on my resolve. We had no chemistry, no common interests, no mutual friends, no mutual attraction… This was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
It was time to dump this nerd.
He came back in with a little jewelry box. Curious as I was to see what was in it, I knew how this would play out if I accepted it. I’d have to pretend to be mollified, make-up, the inevitable make-up sex (or make-up lying-there-being-groped-like-I-was-his-favorite-toy, more like), wait for him to screw up again (which did sometimes take a while, I admit, but it would happen eventually), and breaking it off then. All so I could hang on to some stupid trinket.
It was probably really expensive though…
No. No, it was time. “Look, Dustin… we need to have a talk.”
“What? No, just look in the box. Trust me. Please.”
“Let’s not make this harder than it has to be. I… I think we need to break up.”
His narrow shoulders slumped. “Damnit, I didn’t want it to be this way…”
“I know you didn’t, but we just—”
He cut me off. “No, you misunderstood. I didn’t want it to be like this.” Then he said a few words in what sounded like garbled Latin and waved his hands in the air. What the…
Hmm.
Wow. I’m so unbelievably relaxed. Why am I so relaxed? Oh wow is this nice.
Dustin was talking to me. Hmm. I should listen. Listening is easy. Nothing is hard right now. Mmm. “That’s it, Jes. You’re feeling very relaxed now, right?”
“Mmmhmmm.” Easy question. Good.
“Good. It’s important that you stay relaxed. Let your mind go, nothing but you and me and my voice. You don’t have to do anything but listen, just listen to me because you know you can trust me.”
I nodded. He’s so right. I have all this stress. But there doesn’t have to be stress—just me, and him, and his voice. I trust him. “Trust. Yes. Still breaking up, though…”
“That’s fine, that’s fine. But you can do that later—you don’t have to worry about us. The break-up will take care of itself, understand? You don’t have to do anything. Just relax, and take my gift, and put it on. That’s all you have to do—the only thing anyone in the world could ask of you.”
Accept a gift. Put it on. The only thing anyone could ask. That’s so easy. That’s something I want to do anyway. “OK,” I agreed dazedly.
“Great, Jes, just great. You know you can trust me, right? You trust me, and you like me.”
Another nod. “Trust you. Like you.”
“Good girl. In a moment, I’m going to let you come back awake. Do you remember what you’re going to do then?”
I didn’t really want this to end, but… well, I was just too zonked to argue, so I just answered. “Gonna take your gift. Gonna put it on.”
“That’s right. On the count of three. One… two… and three.”
I blinked. “Damn. Oh, wow. Dustin, how did you… that was amazing!” I smiled at him. What a smart guy. He gave such good advice sometimes. It was almost a shame we were breaking up. I took the box he was still holding out.
Inside were a pair of earrings—each sporting a diamond the size of my thumbnail.
“Holy mother of… Dustin! These are just amazing! I feel sort of bad, accepting these. You know, since I’m breaking up with you.” I didn’t hand them back, though.
He smiled as I started removing the earrings I was already wearing. “Think nothing of it. You see, I made them myself. Well, not the earrings themselves—we have the jeweler to thank for that—but the important part of them. The magic part.”
“Magic? Dustin, really. This is no time to get all Dungeons and Flagons with me.”
He sighed irritably. “Dragons. Dungeons and Dragons. How on earth could you possibly think it’s ‘flagons’? Have you ever heard someone playing—or given your social circle, made fun of someone for playing—D&F? You can be dense sometimes, Jes, I swear.”
See? I make a tiny little joke and he gets all bent out of shape. Definitely past time for a break-up, no matter how incredible these earrings were. “Sorry, geez. Sue me if I’m not a nerd like you.”
“Sue you? Far from it. You see, I’m going to curse you.”
I rolled my eyes as I took his gift from the box, inspecting them in the light. They shone like… well, like diamonds. There was nothing else quite like them. “Curse me? Dustin, please don’t be childish about this.”
“Technically, the earrings are going to curse you, but as I made the earrings and am passing them on…” He shrugged. “You see, they really were supposed to be a present for you—huge enhancement bonus to Charisma. The formula says to use sapphires, but I know how partial you are to diamonds, and I remembered how you said that sapphire clashes with your eyes, so… I fudged it.”
“Formula? What formula?” I stuck one in, then walked down to the bathroom to inspect it in the mirror as he explained, following behind.
“For the Charisma boost. It’s traditionally a headband, but the headband slot can be kind of awkward. I mean, nowadays, they allow a ‘head’ and a ‘headband’ slot, so who the hell knows which one goes where. Unfortunately, the substitution screwed things up—if I were guessing based on my study of spellcraft, I’d say that it’s because the diamond, while beautiful, is also empty inside.”
I tried to follow his blathering as I admired myself, but it was honestly just too beautiful. It looked dynamite on me! I couldn’t wait to try on the other one—which I began to do. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You know I don’t like it when you start rambling over my head, Dustin. You see, this is why this break-up is past due.”
He smiled, and put a hand on my shoulder but I shucked it off peevishly. “Well, Jes, if having conversations go over your head is something that bothers you… you’re about to have a real rough go of it.”
I fastened the other earring.
Uh, oh.
There was a sudden lurch in my stomach that soon spread throughout my whole body. It was accompanied by a schklurp smell, if that was a real thing, then an acute sense of nausea and dizziness that made me grip the sink for balance and squeeze my eyes shut. Finally, there was a sense that everything was suddenly, fundamentally, different.
I opened my eyes.
The first thing I noticed was a some slutty-looking woman wearing my dress.
Well, it was kinda my dress, I guess? Like, it was similar, only on me, it was sorta loose-fitting. On this chick it, like, wasn’t. It clung to her wide hips so tight I wondered how she’d even squeezed into it. Her boobs were so freakin’ big that I could see the stitching ripping along the seams under her armpits. Geez, like, what a desperate skank. Only a skanky skank would wear something that skanky.
The second thing I noticed was that I could barely breathe. It was like a dump truck was parked on my chest or something. Then I realized my bra had shrunk somehow! Gee whiz, maybe Dustin does have magic! He shrunk my bra!
Then after a deep gasp for air, I heard something rip and it was fine. I guess I sorta kersploded outta my bra. Whew, thank goodness.
“You OK, Jes?” Dustin asked as he put a supportive arm around me, guiding me back out to the living room. I collapsed onto my butt on the leather couch.
“Yeppers,” I replied, then looked around. “Um, Dustin? Where’d that other lady come from? And, um, where did she go?”
“Other lady?” He arched an eyebrow, them mumbled to himself. “Damn, they shouldn’t be making her hallucinate…”
“Yeah. That dumb-looking skank wearing my dress? I saw her in the bathroom.” I looked around. “Come on out skank! I know you’re in here!”
He laughed. “Ah, I see. No, sweetie. That girl was you. I tried to tell you, the earrings are magic. They changed your body. Made a few improvements.”
“Changed… my body?” I repeated. Then I looked down—and sure enough, sitting on my chest were a pair of ginormous, slutty-looking knockers. Super weird! I’d always been sorta flat, TBH. My college roomie used to tease me about it and rub her big boobs in my face. Not for reals, of course—that’d be gross. But she thought she was soooooo cool for having boobs. It hurt my feelings and made me sad.
Now, I was like her. Boobs! So I should be happy. But something was making me nervous. “But… that girl didn’t, like, look like me?”
“Sure she does—err, sure you do. Come on, let’s take another look.” He gave me a minute to catch my breath—then another as I copped a feel of my huge new jugs—then offered me his hand and lead me back down to the bathroom, where I took a longer look in the mirror.
“Holy cruddles, it IS me! But I look so different!”
“Different how?” he prompted.
I took a long look, exploring with both my eyes and my hands. The big new boobs weren’t the only thing. (Geez, how big ARE they? I was a B cup before, but like… this is a WAY bigger letter!)
My waist, which had been skinny-ish before, was now all pinched in, just so it was more noticeable how my hips flared out. Boy, did they ever—I’d been kind of a rectangle before, sorta straight down. Now I was all hourglassy! I spun to the side and… “WHOA! My butt!”
Dustin, leaning against the door, smirked. “You don’t like?”
“It’s so BIG! My panties are totally way up my crack and stuff.” I fidgeted, trying to get them out, but with this skin-tight dress on, there was nothing for it. “Like, it’s gonna take me forever to work it back down to size!”
“You can certainly try,” he said, but like, it didn’t sound like he thought I could do it. Hmmph. Even if he was about to be my ex-boyfriend, he should still be more supportive. Meanie head.
I kept looking. My legs seemed to have grown to match my butt—curvier, thicker (but not really thick, somehow?). They’d been thin and coltish before, but now I was like some kind of slutty-looking bikini model. Or at least it felt like that. The dress was sort of in the way.
And then there was my face. Holy geez. I’d always been kinda pretty, but now I was dead sexy. My eyes looked bigger, my lashes longer, my cheekbones more pronounced, and my lips—oh man, my lips were HUGE. Like I was some kind of lipstick model girl. They looked like they were puckering even when I didn’t do anything with them. I caught myself a couple times with my mouth just slightly open.
“You like?” Dustin asked.
“I look… kinda dumb and slutty,” I said sheepishly.
“Well you hit the nail on the head, Jes,” Dustin said with a grin. “I was trying to tell you earlier—the earrings are supposed to enhance a person’s Charisma. That can manifest in plenty of ways, from boosting confidence to enhancing one’s wit and social reasoning skills to outright augmenting one’s physical attractiveness.”
“Um, what?” I asked. Physical attractiveness was the only thing I really understood in that. Somehow those words, even though they had lots of sillybubbles, or whatever you called them, felt like they were burned into me deep, deep down.
“The problem, as I was saying before the curse took hold, is that the substitution of diamond for sapphire seems to have inadvertently given them a side effect of rendering the wearer somewhat vapid. Sort of like how your brain must feel now—things go in one ear and go right out the other without meeting any resistance in the middle.”
I stamped my foot. Wow, my boobies really jiggle when I do that. “I don’t get it. Stop using big words at me!” I whined.
“They turned you stupid, Jes. Beautiful, but stupid. Assuming they apply a penalty akin to the bonus, gauging from where I think you were before, I’d say you’re hovering at… I don’t know, a 7 in intelligence? Maybe a 6?”
I sorta remembered just thinking to myself that I was a 7 on the way in—only that had been my prettiness, not my intelligentness. So… if a 7 in Prettiness went up to a number and numbers went down (heehee—“went down”) to a 7 in Intelligentness… that made me… um… carry the two… so…
Geez. Pretty stupid, I guess.
Dustin had been watching my mind work through the math of it, barely concealing a chuckle at how trying to add and subtract one-digit numbers was like trying to swim upstream. In a river of mud. “Darn it, Dustin, why did you make me stupid!”
“Well, it wasn’t the plan, Jes—really, once I screwed them up, I only held onto them as a curiosity to study. I thought things were pretty good between us, really. You seemed like you were warming up to me. And your mom is such a nice lady. I figured if I just held on, got through the whole pampering, sugar-daddy phase, maybe we’d actually turn into something real.”
“But instead, you like, turned me into this big dumb slut. Only, like, I’m not a slut. I just look like one—honest, Dustin. I’m not super easy, like it looks.”
“Whatever you say, sweetie. So anyway, when you threw your little fit… I realized I’d been kidding myself, and figured what the hell. May as well have some fun with you before I release you into the wild.”
I gasped. “Into the… You can’t send me out into the jungle like this! I would super die! I won’t let you!”
He shook his head. “Figure of speech, hon. I just meant I wanted to have a little fun with you before I send you on your way.”
I folded my arms across my now-massive chest. “Well nuh, uh. I trust you and all about how the earrings were a super good idea, but like… nopers. We’re totally breaking up.”
He sighed. Milly strutted over, rubbing herself between his legs and mewing up at him. “Good point. She reminded me the hypnotism only improves your attitude regarding that one suggestion. Sorry, I’m usually more enchanter than illusionist. Hmm. What should we do with her, Milly?”
She gave me a weird look, then mewed up at him. He chuckled. “Oh, you are a saucy one—never did get over her making me board you while we were on vacation, eh.”
“You, like, don’t get to do nothing with me.” I sniffed haughtily, and glared at his little cat.
“Well, for now, maybe you’re right. Didn’t really plan my spell list around this today, after all. But let’s talk this through. You’re a pretty little houseplant now, so let me help you think, OK?”
I smiled. He said I was pretty. “OK.”
“So you didn’t recognize yourself after the change, right?”
“Right. I’m SUCH a slut. Err, look like SUCH a slut.” Just having giant boobies and a big round butt and a sexy face that looked like it needed a cock shoved in it didn’t make me a slut. I think.
“So would anyone else recognize you? Say, your doorman?”
“Um… No?”
“Smart answer. And what would he do to a stranger trying to get into the building?”
“Um, make them not go into the building?”
“Right, he’d send them away. So you can’t go home, see.”
“I’ll just go to my mom’s place.”
“Oh? You want your mom to see you like that? She’d freak out. Think you were some prostitute. Besides, even if you could get her to accept it was really you, don’t you think she’d be disappointed at how… let’s call it ‘slow’ you are now?”
I frowned. My mom had always been super proud of me for my grades. Honor roll! Wow, I wonder how I ever managed that. Books and numbers and essays… I shivered in fear. “I guess she would be.”
“Right. So… what’s the logical thing to do then, for now?”
I thought. Ugh, it practically hurt. Plus it was super distracting how my nipples were rubbing against my the inside of my dress. They felt awesome. I wish I wasn’t breaking up with Dustin so I could have him play with them. But that’d be ACTUAL slutty, not just slutty-looking. I was still a good girl, just stuck in a big dumb cock-sucking whore’s body.
Then I realized Dustin was still looking at me, waiting for something. “Um, what?”
“I asked you what the logical thing to do is.”
“Oh.” I tried again. It took me a couple minutes, but I finally came up with something. “Um, take off the earrings?” It felt really stupid—putting them on had been such a good suggestion, and I trusted Dustin about that totally even though he’d told me it was a trick. But then I thought… wait, if that sounds stupid, and I am stupid, maybe it’s smart?
It was the best I could do.
“Well, sure. Let’s give that a try.”
I grinned. Getting answers right felt good. It probably wouldn’t happen to me too often now that I was all empty-headed and all, so I had to really enjoy it when I got the chance. I unfastened the clasp on the left earring, then took it off and set it on the bathroom sink. One down.
Then I reached over to the one on the right and undid that clasp, and set it down on the sink. One down.
Then I reached over and undid the clasp on the left, took off the earring and set it down on the sink. One down.
I did it four or five more times (those were small numbers; I could handle those, mostly) before I stamped my foot in frustration. Just lifting my knee high enough to do that tore a several-inch rip in the seams at my hips. “Like, they won’t come off! Every time I take one off, it just hops right back on!”
“Yep, that’s why they call it a curse, sweetie. You can’t take them off.”
“So like, I’m gonna be all hot and sexy and curvy and ditzy from now on?”
“Yeah, that’s about it.”
“But, like…” I tried to think how this would be a problem. Surely it was. Wasn’t being smart, like, important for stuff? Think, Jes. Think.
“Oh! What about my job?”
He smiled. “I think retail might be pretty tough for you now, don’t you?”
“Um, but like… I can still be nice to people and help them find things. I’m not that stupid.”
“OK, but what about the register? Say someone buys a blouse that costs $30 dollars, but it’s a buy-one-get-one-free sale. How much do they owe you?”
“Umm…” I tried to do it on my fingers, wishing I had more of them. Times the thirty… carry the x… minus the sale… “Um, thirty?” I had no idea. But it was the only number I had.
Dustin looked surprised for a moment, then laughed. “Not even close, Jes.”
I nodded. “Darn, I knew it.”
“Right. So you can’t go back to work like this, so… how are you going to pay your rent and bills?”
I frowned. “I don’t know.” This was very sad. No wonder people hated math problems. All they did was make sadness.
“So why don’t you just not break up with me, let me take care of you?”
I thought about that. He could for sure afford it. His apartment cost like a bajillion times more than mine. It was an uptown penthouse overlooking the park, for crying out loud. And I was too dumb to make money now. The only thing I had to make money with was my huge jugs and my sexy butt and my slutty face… and the only way those things let you make money, I was pretty sure, was by being a hooker or a stripper.
I was a good girl. I had self-respect. So… Hold on.
“If I stay with you, isn’t that basically the same as being a hooker?”
“Uh, pardon?”
“Like, if I be your girlfriend and like do girlfriend things and all,” I blushed at the thought of that, “then like… wouldn’t that be sorta the same as being a hooker? Like, you’d be giving me money, and like, I’d…”
“Suck me, fuck me, whatever I want.”
I frowned. “Yeppers. That. I’m not gonna be a hooker. Not for you and not for anyone!”
He sighed. “Easy as you look, you really aren’t making this easy on me, are you. Well I tell you what. You have nowhere to go tonight, right?”
“Uh, I guess not.”
“So why don’t you stay here, just for tonight, and tomorrow I’ll use my smarts to make everything right. Sound good?”
“But, like… I won’t suck your cock or nothing, and like, you can’t stick in my pussy either. Oh geez, I wonder what my pussy looks like now.” Aw crud, did I just say that out loud?
“You got it. No sticking my cock in any of your very fine holes tonight.”
“Not my butt either.”
“I included that hole in the original agreement, but yes, I won’t fuck your butt tonight.”
I nodded, trying to think if I’d forgotten anything. “Oh! No, um, titty-fucking me either.”
“Scout’s honor.”
I guess that meant yes. Only… “But, um, how do I know I can trust you? Like, you already cursed me and turned me into a total moron.”
“Separate beds. I’ll stay in my room, and you can stay out here on the couch. That way I can lock myself in.”
“Wow, that’s a smart plan. OK. So, like, I’ll stay here. And no fucking me anywhere. And you stay in your room. Tonight only.” I think that covered anything.
He nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”
Dustin went back to his room, and I was still smart enough to listen for him to lock the door. He did. Then he opened it after a minute to come give me a pillow and a blanket. I didn’t hear it click again, so I yelled for him to lock it.
Ha! He thought I wouldn’t notice. I’m not that stupid.
The dress was super uncomfortable now, especially with my kersploded bra and my butt-floss panties. I was just afraid that if I took it off, I for sure wouldn’t get it on again. It took a while, but I finally found a position that wasn’t too uncomfortable. I fell asleep thinking mean thoughts about that big jerk poophead Dustin and how he tricked me with his super mean curse of dummy-hotness.
I slept so soundly I didn’t even notice him casting another spell on me.
My eyes opened to see my best friend and favoritest person standing over me and smiling softly. “Hey! You were locked in your room!” Only I said it not like I was mad, because I wasn’t. I couldn’t be mad at Dustin! This was a nice surprise.
“Well for one, I’m a wizard, so I could pretty easily just use a simple knock or a blink, or even a full-on dimension door if I want to be fancy.”
“Oh.”
“For two, the door locks from the inside, which means it also unlocks from the inside. Also it’s my apartment, so I have a key that would open it even if I was locked out. I guess none of that didn’t occur to you, eh, genius.”
I shook my head. “Dustin… I hate to tell you this, but… I’m not a genius any more.” I hoped he wouldn’t be sad.
“Don’t worry, sweetie—you never were, and I never cared.”
“Oh, goody!” I sat up, and managed to twist myself in such a way that I could hear more seams ripping. There wasn’t a whole lot still holding this dress on any more—big patches of smooth creamy skin were visible on either side of me. Dustin helped himself to an eyeful of them—which was cool. He was such a nice guy, and if looking at my new stupidly hot body made him happy, then that was cool by me. I thrust my boobs out and grinned as he leered at them.
“You know, right now it’s hard to remember why I ever wanted to try things the old-fashioned way.” He could see I was confused. (I sorta looked confused by default now, I think, so I made sure I really exaggerated it on my face when I was extra lost.)
“It’s just so easy to use a little spell or two to make things right—if you’re even halfway competent, you can seal the deal with your basic charm person, to say nothing of a more straightforward suggestion. I just figured I’d try to have a normal relationship with a normal girl, like people do.”
“Oh. Well… I’m not really normal any more.”
“I’ll say. You are just plain exquisite.” He saw that confused face again. “Great. You’re great. I’ve had my share of charmed pussy—what wizard hasn’t—but I’ve never gone this far with it. Polymorphing, ability drain—well, technically a permanent ability penalty, not that it matters from where you’re sitting—I gotta say, I might be onto something here. This could be the dawn of a whole new day for my research.”
I glanced out the window. “It’s way past dawn, silly.”
He smiled. “And you said you were dumb.”
“I am dumb now.” But then something hit me. “Um, Dustin? Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, Jes. I’d say to ask me a question any time you have something you wonder about, only I’m not sure I’d have enough hours in the day for you any more.”
I didn’t get what he meant, so I just focused on the sure, Jes part of it. “Like… I was kinda mad at you last night, and I was gonna break up with you. So, um, why do I super like you this morning?”
Dustin chuckled. “You noticed that, eh? Surprising—you’re not supposed to be able to. I wonder if your primitive mental state renders you more keenly aware of shifts in emotion.” He stopped, then went and wrote something down in one of his notebooks. When he was done, I was waiting as patiently as I could, my head cocked to one side and bottom lip sticking out to remind him I was still confused.
“Sorry, important to take good notes. So yeah, I went ahead and blew a charm monster scroll on you today—not that you’re a monster, sweetie, but it lasts a whole lot longer and we may need it during this transitional phase. Who knows, by the time this wears off next week, maybe I’ll be bored with you and we can break up like you wanted.”
I shook my head vigorously. “Oh no! No no no, we can’t break up now! I love you again! You can’t break up with me!”
A strange look came over his face. Like he was amused or something, and hiding it? But I don’t know what was funny. “Sorry, Jes, but you said it yourself last night. Honestly, I already considered us broken up.”
I found myself tearing up. “But… but… I love you. And like, now that I’m this big dummy with this porno body, like, what am I going to do with it? Like, I’m not so smart now, but like, even I can tell I sound not smart. Nobody will treat me like a serious girl. They won’t know that I’m actually a smarty smart, like you know I am. Err, was.”
“Indeed, it is the quality of your brain that turns me on far more than the quality of your body.”
“Even now?” I sniffled.
“Only now, actually,” he said. I didn’t really get it, but it seemed like he was saying he knew I was still smart. Or liked me better stupid? Either way, what a nice thing to say—all the more reason I didn’t want to lose him!
“So, um, can we still be boyfriend and girlfriend? Puh-leeeeease? I promise I’ll be good to you, just like before!”
He scoffed. “It definitely won’t be like before, Jes. It’s not like we can go out on dates anywhere respectable any more.”
“Why not? Dates are nice.”
“Yeah, but like this… you’ll cause a scene. My friends will realize what I’ve done to you and I’ll get heckled to kingdom come; your friends will realize that you’re different and it could cause headaches; strangers will just think I’m taking a dim-witted escort out to a meal before I bang her.”
“Um… I don’t get it.”
“For crying out loud, how are we going to stuff that body into any remotely respectable outfit. Wherever you go, people are going to assume you’re… well, a bimbo. Not that they’ll be wrong.”
“But… I don’t wanna be a bimbo…”
“Plus, we don’t have anything in common any more—not that we did before, but we could at least talk about our days, current events, pop culture. At this point, I’m pretty sure Milly understands me better than you do.”
Glancing over, I saw Milly looking down at me from atop the entertainment system. She looked smugger than ever, somehow.
“But… but…”
“I’m sorry, Jes. I just don’t see how we can keep going out with you like this. I’d do the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ spiel, but since I made you this way the pronouns are really quite jumbled.”
“Pronouns? Right, like from that game you play, with the humans and the zerg. See? I pay attention to your interests!”
“Wow. Just… wow.” Dustin shook his head. “Jes, I just don’t see this working. Relationships need to be mutual. Everybody has to bring something to the table. I have the intelligence, the income, the… let’s call it sophistication. What can you offer me any more?”
“I… um, I…” This wasn’t fair! It’s not my fault I couldn’t do a job any more, or get people’s respect, or be taken seriously, or wear normal girl clothes that wouldn’t show off my big tits and my round butt and long sexy legs and…
Whoa. Is this what having an idea feels like?
“You could use my body!” I shouted. A little too loud, maybe. Oh well, so what if his neighbors heard. They’d take one look and think I was a slut anyway. Besides, Dustin was an awesome guy! I’d be happy to let him touch me and lick me and suck me and fuck me.
“Oh, you mean like, use you for physical labor? You mean like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals and stuff. Yes, I suppose that’s something you could do. Hmm, well maybe not the meals…”
“Oh! Um, yeah, I could do that too. But I meant, like, you could… you know. Do stuff to me.”
“Jes, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable using you as an experimentation dummy. That’s not really safe…”
“I’ll be whatever kind of dummy you want, Dustin. But I meant, like… you know. Sexy stuff.”
“Not sure I follow.”
I rolled my eyes. “And you say I’m the dumb one.” I stood up and planted my feet shoulder width apart—and just like I figured, the dress was not having it. There was the sound of threads being ripped apart and suddenly, there was a slit all the way up the side to my waist. Then all it took was grabbing the split and tugging, and with a little jerk, I tore my dress right off.
Holy SHIT.
Before Dustin could do more than gape, I ran down to the bathroom again to use the only full-length mirror in the apartment.
“Holy SHIT,” I said out loud this time. I was so fucking hot. Like, I knew I was hot now, but THIS. It was like nobody had told my tits about gravity. They just stuck out, huge bubbles of creamy smooth girl flesh, with perfectly round pink nipples sticking out like two pencil erasers. They looked so good even I wanted to suck on ‘em.
I jerked my panties down, too eager to keep looking at my new self to care about being naked. Whoa. My pussy was totally smooth. It hadn’t looked like that in forever—and then as I put my foot up on the sink to check out my labia, I saw they were neatly tucked and a pretty pink color as well. My kitty had never looked that good.
My butt, too. I’d felt it, but seeing it… it was too fucking perfect. Perky, round, capping a neat little thigh gap. The only blemish on any of it was a tiny little mole on my tushy, and even that was put in what had to be the cutest possible spot.
All over, I was just too hot to ignore. My skin was perfect. The old scar on my shin from when I’d given myself a bad gash shaving was gone. The big ugly mole on my shoulder blade—gone. The skin on my elbows I’d spent a lifetime trying to keep moisturized—smooth as silk. My hair, which had always been fighting off its tendency to be stringy and limp, bounced with every twist of my head and shone with natural luster.
Suddenly, weirdly… I felt guilty not getting fucked. A body like this was made for it—literally—and not fucking anyone made me feel selfish. And like even bigger twit than I already felt like for wasting my potential.
“Dustin honey,” I called, but then I realized he was standing right behind me, drinking in the sight of me. I giggled. “Um, would you please fuck me?”
He took a deep breath. “Maybe, but… look, if we’re going to make this work, me and the new you, we need to understand a few things.”
“Sure, anything.” If it meant this wonderful man would keep me as his girlfriend. And fuck my meager brains out.
“First, I’m going to need you to be available to me whenever I need you. However I need you. If I’m playing a game and I need a little stress relief, you have to be ready to get down on your knees and give it to me, right then and there.”
I nodded. “You got it, baby.” It felt a little demeaning, but I loved him too much to say no.
“Second, I need you to embrace the new you. This is who you are now, and if I’m going to be with you, we both need to accept that. If you’re going to be a stupid, slutty little bimbo, then I need you to go all the way.”
I pursed my lips. I didn’t wanna be a stupid, slutty little bimbo. Not at all. This was humiliating, to be honest. I knew I was just eye candy, that I had nothing to contribute to any conversation, that nobody would ever respect my thoughts or opinions on anything.
Sooo… if that’s who I was now, I guess he’s right. May as well embrace it. “Okey dokey,” I said seriously, sliding a finger between my pussy lips. Mmm, that felt nice. Nicer than it ever had in my stupid old 7 body.
“Wow, kinda surprised you agreed to that. Why did I wait this long?” He chuckled. “Man, what won’t you agree to.”
“I’ll agree!” I insisted. “Just fuck me!”
“Stand on one foot.”
I did, wobbling a little. I was still getting used to balancing my new bimbo body.
“Hold your nose.”
I did. “Dis feels silly,” I said, my voice coming out all funny.
“Bite your elbow.”
After almost two minutes, I began to lose faith in my ability to do this. “I’b drying, Dustid, bud I can’d reach id!”
For his part, he was just laughing and laughing. At me? Maybe. I guess it was pretty funny. “OK, OK, you can stop. I just wanted to see if you’d do it.”
I wrinkled my nose as I let go of it, then glared at my stupid elbow for not getting in my mouth. “So, um, did I do good? I tried real hard.”
He smiled at me and patted my head. Like I was a dog or something. He was so funny. “You did.”
“So… can I still be your girlfriend?”
“You earned an audition, at least.”
“An… audition? What’s that mean?”
“It means, get on your knees and show me you can be a good girlfriend.”
I squealed happily. This was all I had wanted for, like… all morning? It felt like longer.
I got down on my knees just like he said—only then he said having me blowing him on the bathroom floor was a little weird, so he walked down to his bedroom. I followed after him as quick as I could without getting off my knees.
(Maybe it would’ve been OK to stand up? But he didn’t say, and the last thing I wanted to do was be a bad bimbo and start trying to think for myself.)
Dustin let me get his pants off—and oh boy, he was already hard for some reason! Maybe my slut body was good for something after all. Wow, my mouth was suddenly really drooly, too. Like it knew it was going to need to be good and wet for Dustin.
I think my pussy knew the same thing, because I was practically dribbling and he hadn’t even offered to shove it in me yet. Just my mouth.
Oh yeah—I’m s’posed to be sucking him off.
So I did! I’d only done this a couple times for him before. Which was really dumb of me—if I’d been a better cock-sucker he might not have had to turn me into a bimbo. But then, I’d agreed to embrace bimbohood, so maybe it was good I’d been such a bitch before. It had given him a reason to turn me into this fantasy slut.
Sucking cock was actually super fun! I wonder why I never liked this before, I asked myself as I put my tongue to work. It was weird—so many things were suddenly so hard, like counting by 5’s or standing up for myself. But sucking a man’s dick? It was like my mouth knew exactly what to do all the sudden. My tongue, my lips, my hands, my eyes… they were all in perfect sync. I’d somehow been rewired to be an expert blowjobber.
(Is that a word? It should be. It’s an awesome one.)
So maybe being a bimbo had some benefits. This was actually really fun—like all my paranoia at suddenly being useless and dumb were melting away in realization that I was still an expert at some things! Dustin sure seemed to think so, from the way he was moaning, the way his cock was twitching in my mouth.
Oh! That meant he was about to cum!
Since when did that thought make me so thirsty? But my amazing boyfriend’s needs came first. I mean, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I was just some lazybones who got him off with a five-minute blowjob? It wasn’t fair if it went too fast just ‘cause I was all hotty-slutty now. I owed it to him to make this last for at least an hour.
It was harder to make myself pull back that it oughta be, but I did, his cock slipping out from between my lips with a loud wet pop. I needed to give him a sec to calm down so I could keep blowing him, so I stroke oh-so-gently as I smiled up at him.
“You must’ve bimboed me up real good,” I said softly, “because I can’t wait to suck this thing all day every day.”
Oops. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say.
Dustin’s first blast got me right in the eye. I squeaked in surprise, but my hand still somehow knew it needed to go from stroking to pumping. More jets followed, spurting into my open mouth and then, in case he wanted to, on my titties. I couldn’t help but giggle—I was still wearing the pearl necklace from last night, only now I was wearing two of them!
The first time I ever gave a boy a handjob in high school, he’d jizzed on my sweater and I’d broken up with him on the spot. That was the last time a boy had gotten his stuff on me. All the sudden though, wouldn’t you know it? I actually thought it was kinda fun. I mean, what better way to be a good girlfriend than to proudly wear my man’s spunk?
My brain was halfway through a fantasy of him inviting some friends over to show off his jizz-coated big-titted girlfriend when I realized one of my hands had found its way to my pussy and I was lying there on the floor, jilling myself to a rocking orgasm at the thought of being Dustin’s trophy bimbo.
And wouldn’t you know it? My perfect loving boyfriend sweetly stood back and waited for me to finish. God I just love him! Like, I know that maybe that’s only because he used more magic to make me love him, but what did a dumbo like me know about magic? I just know how I felt.
I also felt kinda sticky.
Anyway, once I recovered, I hopped back up to my feet, Dustin still leering at my naked body in what I hoped was delight. “Want me to make you some breakfast?”
“Uh… sure, Jes. Just please don’t burn down the apartment.”
I giggled. Then realized that he might have a point—I wasn’t exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. I actually pleasantly surprised myself with how safe I was in the kitchen though—three times trying to make him toast before I realized I hadn’t plugged in the toaster! No fire hazard there.
“Cereal it is.”
But Dustin was OK with that. In fact, while he ate I decided to do something about the big ol’ pig sty in here and got to work tidying up. He was still naked, and I noticed after a while that he was good and hard again.
I wonder if that’s because he really likes my cooking, or if he just likes seeing his naked stupid big-boobed girlfriend crawling around on her hands and knees rubbing her clitty out of how happy she is taking care of him. I hoped it was the second one, because I didn’t think I was gonna be much of a cook any more.
I was in the midst of picking up some junk off the floor, bending at the waist with my ass facing him (I can still be a lady, after all), that he started fucking me. I didn’t even hear him coming up behind me—just one second I was grabbing a discarded sock, and the next I was grabbing my ankles while his cock pounded in and out of me like… like a…
Hmm. What pounds really hard. Dustin?
Yeah, he pounded in and out of me like a Dustin.
Honestly, and maybe this is gonna make me sound kinda whorish, but like, nothing in my whole life had never ever felt this good. My whole pussy now was one big pleasure factory, just churning out moans and squeals and tiny little orgasms every few seconds.
Weirdly, my mind flashed back to the last time we’d had sex, about three weeks ago. The old me had decided to reward him for buying her seats center court. (I/she didn’t really like basketball, but we were sitting right there with some celebrities and I’d been sure to wind up on TV.) Afterwards, we’d gone back to his apartment and I’d told him he could have sex with me, if he wanted.
It seemed so strange, in hindsight. Me giving Dustin permission to fuck. I remembered making him put on a condom, being annoyed at thinking that’d make it take longer, and then just lying there and forcing a smile that I was pretty sure he knew was forced.
The old me was such a fucking bitch.
How much sex had she cheated me out of? How many blowjobs? How many of these endless amazing orgasms? If the old me had been cleaning her boyfriend’s apartment and found out that turned him on, she’d have yelled at him for… for… Well now I couldn’t even figure out why that would upset her, but I just knew it would. That fucking frigid cunt, cheating me out of years and years of pleasure!
“Fuck that bitch!”
I hadn’t actually meant to say it out loud, but my bimbo mouth apparently shared my bimbo body’s tendency to just do without thinking.
Just as I began to worry I might’ve put Dustin off his appetite… his hands clamped down on my hips and I swear, it’s like he grew two sizes bigger right there in my cunt.
Oh geez. Oh WOW oh fuck oh geez oh shit oh FUCK FUCK FUCK ME FUCKING FUUUUUCK!
I realized somewhere in the middle of my delight that I was babbling out loud—and then I realized that Dustin was fucking loving it. Now this, this was a pounding. I had to make him keep going. He liked it when I got vocal? I’d never shut up with his cock inside me again. As frazzled as my nerve centers were by the spikes of pure bliss radiating out of my pussy, I still didn’t have too much trouble coming up with stuff to say.
“Fuck me, Dustin! Oh FUCK yes, stuff your little bimbo’s cunt full of your big dick!”
“Oh god, I’m basically just your fucking plaything, baby—so play with me, play with your slut’s big tits and her sopping wet cunt…”
“Thank you, Dustin, thank you for fucking your bitch, thank you for sticking your perfect cock into your little slut, thank you for drilling your little bimbo fuck toy!”
(He said something, then, “yeah, that third person is good” but like… it was just him and me here—so, who was the third person?)
Either way, he didn’t quiz me over it, thank goodness. He just fucked me senseless, flooded my soft wet slut cunt with his cum, patted me on the ass and told me to get back to work while he took a nap.
“OK,” I said. “But… does this mean I’m your girlfriend again?”
He smiled. “Sure, Jes. You can be my girlfriend.”
I had an orgasm then and there that, I shit you not, brought me to my knees. Dustin just rolled his eyes at how silly his little bimboslut girlfriend could be and laid down on the couch.
It was kind of crazy to think that this man—this amazing, sweet, perfect, loving man—had almost slipped through my fingers last night. Fingers that, now, were busy at my drippy little snatch, keeping myself wet and ready in case he wanted to fuck me again when he woke up. (OK, OK, so I know my pussy would’ve flooded in an instant if he even hinted he wanted to fuck me. Still, I could have my fun.)
I heard a buzzing somewhere, and after giggling at myself for hoping it was a vibrator, I saw it was my phone. It took me a minute to figure out how to make it work (duh, you gotta hit the button), and I saw it was a text from my mom.
It took me a little bit to read the whole thing (it was, like, three whole sentences—my mom will go on forever), but I ignored the big words and got the gist of it. She wanted to know how our anniversary went.
With a spirit of dedication, I set out to reply. It was hard, because I didn’t wanna leave out any details because my mom and I are really close. Plus it was kinda embarrassing not to be able to use your boyfriend’s name because you didn’t know how to spell it any more.
omg mom u have no idea. it was soooOOOOOOOOOO good. he gav me these umazing earings and i like just fell N luv with him all over again. staid the nite!
I didn’t wanna tell my mom everything—I mean, she’d totally be embarrassed that her daughter was an airhead fuck toy now—but I figured that covered the basics.
She replied right away. That’s great honey. P.S. I think someone might’ve messed with your autocorrect or something lol
I smiled. She was right; I was the luckiest girl in the world. My boyfriend loved me enough to autocorrect me.