Saving My Marriage
Chapter 3
I called up the marriage counselor and the phone was answered by the automated receptionist. I said I wanted an appointment for my husband and myself and the receptionist asked if we it could access our calendars which I authorized. It instantly found a few times and I chose a Thursday afternoon.
“Can you give me your name?” I knew that this would be a bunch of questions about my name, address, contact unique Id etc. So rather than go through that I had my bot chat with her bot and we had everything done in a few seconds.
RJ and I arrived in separate vehicles as we were both getting some time off work for this. Our jobs were both flexible and we could move our schedules around. The taxi sent me a message to my WCI to be 5 minutes earlier as it had detected some traffic and needed extra time to get me there.
The office was lovely and the receptionist bot which was really just a computer generated image of a woman on a screen greeted us. “Ah Jess and RJ, would you like anything to drink.” I had a cup of tea and RJ had nothing. He looked calm whereas I felt quite nervous. What if this didn’t work? Would this be the end?
After a short wait a couple we recognized exited.
“Steve, Martha?”
They had big smiles one their faces and Martha recognized me.
“Oh hi!” said Martha, coming over to give me a big kiss on the cheek. “You’re here to see Dr Jain. Isn’t she the best.”
“Well I don’t know yet.” I replied. They looked at each other and smiled not saying anything.
“The Dr will see you now,” said the automated receptionist and she motioned to the door Steve and Martha had just come out of.
We waved goodbye as we walked into a cozy small office with only one large couch. Instead of being separated from her patients Dr Jain sat in a large chair close by. The interior was wood with a fake fire place that gave it a log cabin feel. Dr Jain was an older woman that looked to be in her fifties. She was stunning though with thick long brown hair, tall and blue eyes.
“Hello RJ and Jess,” she said warmly motioning for us to sit down. “Now it seems to me this is your first time coming to therapy. Is that right?”
We sat down, though RJ wouldn’t sit beside me choosing the opposite side of the couch. “Yes.” I answered nervously. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but my eyes were teary. “He thinks he can just throw away everything we’ve worked at. He just won’t talk to me anymore. Its like one day he woke up and there was a completely different person there who didn’t love me or the kids or anything. We made a promise and to him its as though the last 11 years never happened.” This unprompted outburst was not characteristic of me. I grabbed for a tissue.
Dr Jain came over and put her hand on my shoulder. RJ slunk a little into the couch where he was seated. He hated to see me cry. Well it was his own fault.
Dr Jain turned to RJ. “There are a lot of relationships that can be cured,” she started, “but for me to offer some of the therapies that I have we need to first find out whats wrong. I’d like to hear more from RJ, can you tell me more?”
“Well he needs to listen more do what I say,” I started. Dr Jain pressed on my shoulder firmly.
“Come now Jess, let him speak,” she turned towards him.
“Well,” RJ gulped a little before starting. “I’ve thought about this a lot. When I reach to touch her and hug her, she always pushes away as though she has much more important things to do. We don’t have sex. Last week was the first time in four months but she only did it as part of a deal to get something she wanted. Really it wasn’t even that enjoyable. She just lays there and acts like she’s just waiting for it to be over. I’ve tried to explain to Jess what is wrong quite a few times, but she just doesn’t seem to lis…”
“Of course I listen,” I interrupted. “Just last week we sat down for dinner together, you and I, and I listened.”
“Please Jess,” Dr Jain said. “Let him finish.”
“Well, yeah, we went to the restaurant and talked last week. But it was the first time all year and the only reason it even happened,” he explained, “was because you thought it was a crisis. It wasn’t because you just wanted to spend time with me. Look, I feel like I’ve just had enough. I’ve thought a lot and the relationship has changed. Its not at all like what I married into.” He turned to me, “ you don’t feel attracted to me anymore and I think we should acknowledge that and move on.”
It was not looked down upon in society for a couple to just say they had fallen out of love and move on. Divorce was common. Despite the advances in “post divorce management”, couples never came out of these things unscathed. Jealousy and bitterness are not something technology had yet managed to cure.
The conversation continued. Primarily it made us seem like complainers. I suppose when you’re letting out grievances there is no way around that. I complained that his arrival back home was too unpredictable. His primary concern seemed to be my lack of affection.
I wondered why it seemed as though he had never told me this before. I thought back. He had been telling me this a lot. I’d just thought it was lower priority. I mean who makes time for love when there are: schools to coordinate with, jobs to worry about and 100 other things on my mind. Back when we were first together, I’d often been affectionate and the love making had been intense. It had just waned away slowly.
She questioned us about how we were at sharing money and responsibilities around the house. Was there any friction with pets we had or was anyone being mistreated by a family member. Mother in laws she explained can sometimes be a problem. None of these were a problem, and it warmed my heart to hear him explain what a great mother I was.
Dr Jain broke in. “In the past you would have been limited to trying to talk your way through things or getting a divorce. Fortunately science has provided us some new techniques. After hearing what you’ve said. RJ you want more affection.” He nodded. “And Jess, you just don’t feel the need for it. You want RJ to be more available and responsible.” I nodded. “Well, what would you say if I could just give you this?”
I blinked. RJ tilted his head.
“Come back next week, I’ll have everything set up and I’ll explain the treatment I would like for you two to try.” Dr Jain ushered us out. The automated secretary showed us some available times it had matched by looking at our calendars and I chose the earliest one.