LOOK BOTH WAYS
6
They sat at her small kitchen table. He was naked. When he had left her, the strength of her legs had gone with him; such had been the natural force of her afterglow. He had lifted her like a feather and carried her through to the small shower cubicle, where he had washed and bathed her body from head to toe. She had leaned herself up against the tiled walls.
He had then gently padded her dry and carried her naked once more back to the lounge, where he had left her fixing him something to eat, along with the promise of making him another steaming hot mug of coffee with an added Rum blend. Then he had returned to the shower and had bathed himself, slowly. Her eyes had smiled to greet him, as he had returned to the kitchen, without the brown robe. He had smiled back at her, noting she now wore her blue robe.
‘I feel like I know you better than I know myself,’ she grinned, as she placed a small plate of sandwiches down, on his side of the small table.
He smiled.
‘Who are you?’ she chuckled. ‘I don’t even know your name. Oh, God,’ she sighed. ‘Where have you been all my life?’
Neither did he know his own name, he mused to himself, with a smile to her. It’s a question of knowing who you really are, he thought. Knowing yourself deeply enough that you will come to know the divine is within you. He smiled, as he bit into one of the sandwiches.
Then you will have found me, he thought. Lift up the stone of your woman’s learned knowledge and I will be there. You will find me there waiting.
She sat opposite him with two mugs of steaming coffee. One was placed before him.
‘I feel drained and revitalised, at the same time,’ she said, as she took a small sip of her hot coffee. ‘God! Why are you here?’
Then she smiled and bit into her own sandwich, while he swallowed his and held her gaze casually.
I come to reveal that you and I are trinity twins, he laughed inside to himself, then wondered why he thought that. Identical twins, he added to himself. You are the child of, just as I am. Whoever drinks from my mouth will become as I am, and I will become you, and the mysteries will be revealed.
‘How are the sandwiches?’ she asked.
‘Absolutely perfect,’ he grinned at her, wondering where he really lived, and where he was going to go from there. ‘You are the perfect accommodating host.’
He watched her smile and then blush, as she held his gaze in her own. The scarlet colour crimson rose, slowly, but, surely from the base of her neck and moved upward, quickly, over her face. She dropped her gaze from his and smiled, then stared off to her right. Then her smiled faded.
‘Why haven’t I ever found someone like you before?’ she sighed with a wry grin and raised her coffee mug to her lips.
He smiled and sipped his own coffee, but said nothing aloud. You must go on your own spiritual quest to find me, he thought, and to discover who you really are—the natural female child, just like me, a male.
He recalled their physical joining and mating in the kitchen and stirred to life beneath the small table.
You are my twin, he thought to say. You only remember me from yesterday. Yet once I was there in the fourth century, and then, long before the first with you. Yet he did not say that. He just smiled and bit into another sandwich while he thought it.
‘It’s, ahh-It’s been a… a long time since-since—’ she hesitatingly said. ‘I don’t-err-I don’t understand why I-why I… ’ Then her voice softened and trailed away to unfinished silence, as she looked sadly at the tabletop.
His strong male heart reached for hers to hug it in love and compassion for another human soul who had come in from the illusory man-chosen desert, as he had.
If you want to understand me, he smiled warmly at her when she looked up, after a couple of minutes, you have to recognise yourself, his mind said silently to hers. You have to know yourself, know who you are.
‘I sort of feel like-like I’ve been living in a-a vacuum,’ she grinned and looked away, then blushed rapidly again from the neck up.
If you don’t know yourself in your waking day, he thought, as he smiled at her chosen, self-inflicted sadness, you live in poverty. And poverty is the ignorance of a life in its physical existence. Knowledge is the knowledge of your origin, of the fact that you have come from Home to be on this Earth, only on a sojourn, to learn how to be who you have always been. Yet he did not voice his thoughts. He wanted to, but he did not.
‘Heheheh,’ she chuckled astounded, as she shook her head then looked away from his gaze. ‘I can’t believe I-that I-you know-that we-that I let you do-you know. It’s just not me. I can tell you.’ Then she looked quickly away.
He grinned at her blushing radiance, while watching her finish the last her sandwiches then wash it down with a huge mouthful of hot, Rum-enhanced coffee.
To know yourself is to have insight into your own natural wholeness identity, he thought. Then he grinned at her crimson tan – to have insight into your own wholly natural femaleness. You are divine and immortal. Everything you experience physically and through your seventh sense perception, everything in this world that you can experience and feel and perceive in this way, is everything, and it is nothing.
His smile then faded a little.
It is, at best, he reflected, chaos, and, at worst, it doesn’t even exist in the real reality of recognising who you are and have always been, in all natural ways. And always will be, in all ways natural.
‘You don’t talk much,’ she grinned when she looked up again. ‘Is your twin any more conversational than you are?’
He laughed along with her and almost gagged on a mouthful of coffee he had been about to swallow.
The only thing that really exists, he thought, as he cleared his throat and smiled sheepishly at her, is the natural wholeness of who you really are, your spirit, your wholeness navigator, and your phantom core, which is identical in its quality with me and all things natural—your twin. Therefore, death is no longer a problem. It is just another of many doorways in my Father’s mansion.
Then his male heart smiled its warmth toward her natural female’s same.
Yet you do not have to wait for death to discover who you really are. He reached out with his foot and touched her lightly on the calf and grinned boyishly.
‘Oh!’ she started, almost spilling her coffee a little. Her eyes found his waiting and smiling. Then her female smiled, too.
Pure and natural mental, emotional, spiritual and physical existence is often described as poverty, he thought sadly. Yet when you know yourself you are no longer in self-chosen poverty. I am not the Contender. I am. And so are you.
‘Would you like some more sandwiches?’ she asked as he washed down the last of the last. ‘Won’t take a minute.’
His foot gently and slowly began to rise up the inside of her left calf. Her gaze had locked onto his, a half smile touching the corners of her mouth. The crimson tan from her neck to her forehead began again to deepen.
‘I am feeding now,’ he heard himself say with a warm smile then wondered why he had said that, or anything, for that matter. He knew that natural males and females did not need to hear the sounds of the words to feel the intent intended for natural feel-right communication or interaction to take place. She dropped her gaze and blushed proper and did not look at him for several minutes. Yet his foot remained climbing, ever higher upward along, her warm calf.
‘Do you-Do you have to-to go?’ she said softly, nervous and embarrassed and deepening her crimson to an almost blood red shade. ‘I mean, I-Do we-Do we, have time?’
He smiled heart’s warmth directly into her natural female soul.
While I was walking, listening to them speak with one another, he thought. I said, ‘While you have all the time in the world, listen to me, and I will reveal to you the things you have always pondered in your mind, in all ways. Since you are my twin, he said silently to her, from his male heart, and true companion in the existing moment of now, examine yourself, and learn who you wholly are, and in what whole way you exist, as a natural feeling-dominant female, and how you learned to become an unnatural thinking-dominant woman.
‘Time is all I have,’ he smiled softly at her, while the toes of his right foot traced over and upward along the curve of the inside of her left knee. She smiled softly. Her face filled full of having someone to care about, even if only for a moment, and her lips filled and reddened with her female.
‘I-I-err-Oh, God,’ she finished unfinished. ‘This is so crazy, but so-but so-so wonderful!’
Then she blushed deeply again. A thin line of beading perspiration could be seen lining her upper lip and the very top of her brow. He said nothing, but continued to sip his Rum-blended coffee, as his toes reached upward and higher past her knee.
‘Oh!’ she softly exclaimed, as he gently forced opened her legs by applying soft pressure to the inside of her high upper thigh with his toes. Her flesh there was warm and very, very soft.
Since you will be called my sister and brother, he thought to say, it is not fitting that you be ignorant of your whole natural feeling-dominant self, of who you really are, and must be helped to forget you are a conditioned thinking-dominant woman, at this time, and reminded you are nature’s female to me.
Her eyes remained lowered beneath long dark lashes that fluttered every now and then, as her breath began to tremble when it left her moist, full lips. Her gaze stared unseeing, but not unfeeling, at a spot somewhere on the floor, off to her right. Then they closed gently down and her shoulders sagged when she sighed.
‘Ohh, God,’ she almost whispered, in that joyous and sad sigh.
I know that the natural whole of you has understood my coming, he thought fondly of her then, because you had already understood that I am the knowledge of the naked natural truth in you. And while you accompany me through chosen moments of now, he pondered seriously, although you are uncomprehending of I, you have, in fact, already this night, come to know that the one who knows himself has called upon you.
‘Extend your wrists,’ he said quietly to her. ‘Here.’
With eyes wide she slowly brought her hands up and extended her arms toward him over the table. He took the robe chord once more and quickly bound them.
‘Oh!’ she exclaimed.
He only smiled softly and nodded. He did not look at her. Then, with his left hand he firmly curled his fingers around the chord that secured her wrists and relaxed back into the chair. With his toes leading his foot he then gently brushed her winery carpet. It was warm and soft to the touch.
‘Oh!’ she exclaimed softly, but did not open her eyes and did not pull back against his grip on the chord, which bound her wrists. He felt her thighs part a little wider, but her eyes remained softly shut. A gentle smile rested coiled and waiting at each corner of her soft mouth, as he watched her settle a little more fully into her upright chair, such that she sank a little downward and more closely to his inquiring toes.
She who has not known herself, has known nothing, he thought, as he deepened the touch in her warm winery. Yet she who has known she has been known for herself has already achieved knowledge about the depth of her natural wholeness all.
He rested his toes in the liquid warmth of her winery barrel lips, as she sighed and relaxed down ever further in her upright chair.
‘Ohh, God,’ she barely whispered through full female lips that had fully moistened and parted, under the direction of her delicate pink tongue.
Behold you, my sister, he smiled, as he deepened his gentle probing reach. What is obscure to thinking-dominant men and women, alike, what they ignorantly stumble against, I have already told you in natural spaces before your birth.
‘Mmmm,’ she moaned ever so softly, so as to almost not be heard by anyone listening. ‘Ohh, God.’
He smiled for her female’s honesty of expression.
The natural heartland delta truth is not difficult to perform, he said silently to the heart of her female now in sensual repose, as who you really are before males and not men. He was tracing the vertical contours from high top to deep bottom of each side of her unique and loving female shape and form, unseen, but not unfelt by him then.
‘Ohh, my Go—!’ she whispered so softly, only the tone of her growing and combusting urgency made her moan audible to his ears. He wondered right then why he did not have a car, or whether in fact he should have had one, even. His touch rested just below the top of her carpet mound then pressed gently and extended a little, causing the heart of her feeling female to be laid bare to his discovering probe of her natural winery core.
‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, and it wasn’t in a soft tone. ‘Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!’
And then she trailed off in tone, as his touch began to circle ever so gently, ever so softly, and ever so accurately, such that her words did not need to be spoken. Both male and female were dominant feeling natural feelings alike.
Her eyes remained firmly closed, her lips listed moist and parted. Her pink tongue snaked out and drank of the perspiration of her own lips, every so often. Apart from that, she remained sagged and slouching deeply down in her upright chair, her head gently bowed to her chest and to her left.
Gently, he strengthened the circling of his feeling of her winery swelling, as a warm greeting for his minstrations of her private female person like that. The velvet hood covering the Jewel of her natural Nile was moved back then relaxed forward, and then moved left and moved right, before once more moving back and laying bare, making vulnerable and exposed, the cored pleasure treasure of all females alive in all dimensions.
He smiled. Nothing remained hidden forever that was meant to be seen and discovered. If the things that are visible to you are obscure to you, he thought, as he noticed a single silver shining tear begin to journey down her right cheek—how can you hear about the things that are not visible?
‘Ohh, Jesus!’ she softly whispered and sobbed at the same time. ‘Oh, God! I can’t! I shouldn’t be doing this agai-ohh!’ she exclaimed unfinished and much more loudly, as his toe tipped the waiting lips of her warm, wet wine barrel sheath. His left hand held her straining back against him with her wrists, yet he held her exactly the way he wanted to.
‘Oh, Jesus!’ she exclaimed, as he deepened his touch and indirectly began to know her from the inside out.
He smiled and noticed his breath, as it shook upon leaving his lips. His body was stirred to life and watched and waited. She strained against his hold on her wrists, yet he kept her drawn tightly toward him.
If the deeds of the felt-right natural truth of males and females that are visible in the illusory world of men and women are difficult to you to perform, his strong male heart whispered silently to her naturally submissive female—how indeed, then, shall you perform those natural acts that pertain to your own heaven’s natural whole female, the miracle of Nature itself? Only as who you are will you perform your own natural felt-right truths and discover that your own miracle is you.
He watched, smiling, as she slid herself a little way further down the chair, such that her buttocks were almost clear of the hard surface, upon which they had previously rested. No more tears flowed, yet her eyes remained tightly pressed closed with the growing combustible tension building and pooling in her loins and her mind.
Her head now rested off to her right, but only for a moment before moving to the left again in her rising efforts of passion combustion and building. Every now and then her teeth covered her bottom lip, as she bit down gently in being known so intimately, in that unexpected way and manner.
‘Please!’ she whispered barely audible, as if in agony, yet her mouth rested half-full, with a female’s natural sensual smile.
How shall you be called a labourer in your natural effort? His male asked the purity of her female’s natural whole soul. In this respect you are an apprentice and have not yet received the height of your own natural perfection as a female. Then he grinned. Yet you will, he smiled lovingly at her sensual combustion distress and growing anguish – you will. His leg muscles strengthened and his gentle, firm touch deepened inside her liquid winery warmth.
‘Oh, God, no!’ she exclaimed, pulling against his hold on her with his left hand. It was not a bare whisper. And then he began to repeat the not unwelcome, yet certainly unfamiliar invading action. ‘Oh! Ohh, God! My God!’
He felt himself flex strongly beneath the small table and held himself with his right hand, flexing and unflexing the natural male strength in his fingers of steel. Her robe had fallen open, such that her breasts appeared visible to his eyes, as they lay soft, absolutely feminine and flattened against her chest and to one side slightly.
‘Ohh! I can’t take it! No! I can’t-oh! Oh! Oh!’ she groaned in growing distress and rising carnal heat.
As she struggled against his firm grip on her wrists, her hips began to slide toward him and meet, not-too-gently, his repeated and ever-deeper probing invasions. The welcome warmth of her female wine bathed him glistening. He felt it running warmly down to his ankle. He smiled deeply and breathed the same way, as his hand gripped steel against pulsing human steel. She was perfect in shape, heart and form, he thought. Absolutely, perfect.
Just as the body of men and women and the beasts perish, he thought, while his fingers relaxed and tensed as they moved—so, also, will these illusory manmade formations perish. Do they not derive from intercourse, like that of the beasts? If it, too, derives from intercourse, how will it beget anything different from beasts?
He smiled as a father of man.
So you are a babe until you become shed of the illusory imperfections of illusion conditioned men and women and find yourself as a whole and natural feeling-dominant female. Then, you will be perfect; he smiled, as his touch quickened, along with his depth in knowing her that way. Then you will be perfect.
She pulled herself against his hold on her wrists and began to rock herself more rapidly against his unusual touch, and not gently. He felt her rising wet winery warmth and rising combustion heat surely in the heart of his natural male.
‘Please!’ she begged, as her natural euphoric release began rushing headlong to meet her, with a natural and unrecognised vengeance so long denied. ‘I can’t take-ohh! Ughhhh! Yessss! Ohh, God! Jesusss! Oh God, yessss!’
He deepened his touch in knowing her so lustfully natural that way. She strained and pulled against the strong hold he had on her wrists. As his actions increased in tempo, he matched her stroke for stroke beneath the small table and closed his eyes to join her in the fiery arrival of her unblinding natural awakening light.
My light shines on your behalf, he thought through his own rising heat—not in order that you remain here, but rather that you might come forth to me and come Home and home to yourself, together again for the very first time.
‘Oh, God!’ she groaned and caused him to feel it through his leg with her animal force. She reefed the hold he had on her violently. ‘Ohhh, Jeeeesussss! Oh, Yess! Oh, yeeesss!’
And whenever all the men and women elect to abandon what they are and have become, he groaned inwardly as his living moment of life began to take him, too—and know who they truly are, then my light will withdraw them up to its natural essence, and its natural wholeness essence will welcome them, since I am your twin and your good forever-servant.
‘Oh, pleeeaaase! Ohh! Ohh! My Go-Go-Go-oh, God!’ she groaned and hissed, as she expelled her natural combustion euphoric lust involuntarily from between her full moist lips. Her arms strained and trembled from the shoulders. She pulled herself against him, as if she wanted to consume that which thrust inside her so fully.
It was then such that her forced pleasure ripped itself from her with a female and feminine vengeance he enjoyed to the hilt, while her natural female winery brimmed and overflowed her radiance plentifully unto him.
‘Ohh, God! Ohh, God! Ohh, Jesus! Oh, God! Yes!’
Oh, unsearchable female love of the light. Oh, bitterness of the cold fire that blazes in the bodies of men and women in their marrow, kindling of them night and day, his heart sang with hers as they bonded in soul as true sibling twins; and the burning of the limbs of men and women and making their minds become drunk and their souls become deranged.
‘Ohhh, please! Take me!’ she begged, as she forced herself into his touch with wild and feral abandon.
Them within males and females, at night only, he thought, as he pushed her hard back, such that her chair moved unnoticed with the fullest invasion inside of her overflowing winery barrel.
For the male’s move upon the females and the females upon males, he groaned to her female, inwardly, in his joyous union of souls and sibling love. Therefore I say that every thinking woman who seeks truth in herself from true wisdom will make herself wings so as to fly to the feeling females of who they are. They will flee from the thinking learned empty barren lust that scorches the illusory spirits of men and women; make yourself natural wings to flee and become whole, become one with yourself and your twin.
Her hips rocked him forcefully in her female’s throes of wild abandoned lust and passion of combustion climax and ending, with new beginnings running amok through her body from head to toe and back up again. Her arms strained back against him violently, yet he held her exactly the way he wanted to.
Her head thrashed from side to side, as her white-knuckled hands pulled and twisted in his grip; driven from the raging fire that had taken over her conditioned illusory thinking mind and blazed unchecked, yet not unnoticed or unfelt by her natural whole female core.
He held her, watching and enjoying her fullest sensual and sexual female in heat and glory, as the living life continued to combust and erupt in millions from the window to his personal heaven of hers, rediscovered by him for her.
I am the one who is beneficial to you, as you are to me, he said loudly, with love silent of mouth to her enraptured soul. If now, you desire to become perfect, as a natural whole female you shall observe and remember always and in all natural ways, these things you are feeling right now, as such.
Suddenly, but not unexpectedly, he groaned loudly and tensed then turned himself and his body over to its natural sovereign self, wholly.
If not, he cried sadly to she within her who writhed in her sexual bliss without, your name is ignorant, since it is impossible for an intelligent male and female to dwell with a man and woman fool. For the intelligent males and females are perfect in all natural wisdom.
‘Agh, God!’ she screamed, while he pushed even deeper inside her throbbing winery tightness, while she overflowed and shed her still fermenting wine in abundant flow. ‘Oh, Jesus! Oh, God! Oh, God Yes! Oh, Jesus!’
To the men and women fools, he pleaded silently, as he spent his life’s essence in streams—the good and bad are the same. The wise male and female will be nourished by the natural truth of who they are and will be like a tree growing by the meandering non-time stream.
‘Oohhhhh! God!’ she screamed and then tensed against him. Then suddenly, she became limp and lifeless to his final touch, like the mended broken rag doll of a newly found child.
He tensed himself then from head to toe involuntarily and flowed with the natural Wholeness Universe that flowed unstoppable through him and was born to the world of light and dark, of hot and cold, of love and hate, and of feeling-dominant males and females and thinking-dominant men and women.
That which guides men and women, his universe told him while he bled white, the latent fire in their deepest thinking bellies will give them the illusion of truth, and will shine on them with a perishable beauty. It will imprison them in a dark sweetness and captivate them with a fragrant pleasure, until they learn and come whence they were beckoned, since birth. His hands then fell lifeless to his sides.
And it will blind them with insatiable and illusory and conditioned mental lust and burn their souls and become for them, like a stake stuck in their heart, which they can never dislodge as a thinking-dominant man or woman.
The tears of his joy he had taken from her and for her mixed in with his bliss, at ever having been born, in the first place. And like a conditioned illusory bit in the mouth that leads them, according to its own desire, it has fettered them with its humankind slavery chains and bound all of their limbs with the bitterness of life bondage of learned illusory lust for those visible things that will all decay and change and swerve by natural impulse, long after their males and females have entered Heaven in joy.
He sighed to match hers heard, to open his eyes to behold the most beautiful creature God had ever put breath into, nature’s greatest miracle—a daughter of God and a natural female.
Men and women have always been attracted downwards, he thought, as he gazed at her radiant afterglow, in wonder at the only great wonder in the world of man—and as they are killed they are assimilated to all the beasts of the perishable illusory realm.
Blessed is the wise male and female, who seek unchallenged and unstoppable after the truth, he recalled from somewhere else. And when they find it they will rest upon it forever and be unafraid of those who wanted to disturb them in their natural discoveries
Slowly, he withdrew the soul of his foot from her warm, winery carpet and stood. He released her wrists and watched them draw back slightly and settle, loose and limp on the table. Steadily, he walked to the bathroom and bathed, while he left her to bathe in her own natural cleansing heat, whereby she would never again be the woman she used to be.
Yes, it is useful to know the natural whole who you are, he sent to her female in loving thought, as the scalding water refreshed him and made him reborn. And it is good for you, since all illusory things visible among men will dissolve; for the vessel of their flesh of their classroom will dissolve not enjoyed, and when it is brought to naught, it will come to be among visible things, among things that are seen lying in coffins, empty, wasted, and having never loved and been loved as was naturally meant.
He smiled upon returning to her gently sleeping form and lifted her true to his heart. He unbound her loosely tied wrists then carried her through to her bathing of water. Then he dried her glistening skin while she leaned sleepily upon him for support. Then he smiled and almost laughed aloud, with a sudden and knowing delta heartland joy.
That was why he had come. He had always wondered what the hell he was doing there. He needed to be needed, simply in order to be male.
He carried her in his arms, once more, only this time, through to her tiny bedroom, within which he lay her gently upon her covers, as if she were made of the finest glass.
The fire, which men and women see, he thought, as he lay her glowing body softly beneath the cool white sheets of her nightly sleep—gives them pain on account of love for the faith in themselves that they formerly possessed; and that which they will gather back to them when they start all over again, starting with all things visible and nothing felt, until it is felt and be acted upon, naturally, and wholly, or simply not at all.
Like a mother and father and grandparents in one, did he then slowly draw up her sheet to tuck into the bottom of and under her lovely chin, then gently clear her tresses from her radiant face in naturally exhausted slumber.
Only a little while longer, he thought fondly, while gazing down at her pure female loveliness—and that which is illusory and visible will dissolve. Then the shapeless shades of natural feeling-dominant males and females will emerge; and in the midst of tombs they will forever dwell upon the thinking-dominant men and women in pain and corruption of not recognising and finding their love-starved souls.
He knelt bedside her sleeping form and kissed her lightly on her trembling right eyelid. He smiled. Her female was still experiencing the pain and the joy of her natural rebirth.
Truly, do not esteem thinking-dominant men and women as natural men and women, he silently told her—but regard them as beasts of illusory; for just as beasts devour one another, so also do and will thinking-dominant men and women continue to devour one another.
He gently kissed her trembling left eyelid and remained with the soft smile on his lips as he kissed it.
‘Men and women are deprived of my Home,’ he softly told her with words, ‘since they love only the illusory sweetness of the unnatural fire and are always the servants of death to males and females, as they rush to the works of their own illusory corruption.’
He lightly kissed her nose and grinned, recalling the amazing liquid warmth in her natural female vineyard.
‘Men and women fulfil the lust of their fathers and mothers of men and women themselves,’ he whispered to her quietly. ‘They will be thrown down to the abyss in their own lifetimes and be afflicted by the torment of the bitterness of their evil nature.’ And then he kissed her lightly and lengthily on her slightly open full lips. Her breath tasted of lavender.
Men and women will be scourged, he thought silently—so as to make them rush backwards, but to where they do not know. And they will recede from their limbs not patiently, but with despair, as they rejoice over manufactured illusory madness and derangement. And then quietly, silently, sadly and lovingly, he left her in her night.