Friend Zoned No More!
Let’s get to it then. I fell in love with my best friend, in that “Hey lady, let’s get married and make babies,” kind of way.
For me, affection’s always been the lame fist bumps with my male buddies and a slap on the ass for my girlfriends.
But with Lorraine, it was different. She was my best friend since way back. There I was, first day of Junior High standing all alone in a corner of the schoolyard. And there was Lorraine walking straight up to me. She gave me the finger, I returned the insult and boom, we were friends.
Best pals throughout school, she was the short haired biker chick, I was the laid-back surfer guy, and we were always hanging out together.
So, she was my best friend by any definition. And whilst puberty came late, it was generous to her.
One day she was as flat as a board, often getting mistaken for a boy then boom! The boob fairy paid her a visit, and nobody could call her a guy anymore. I remember Lorraine lifting a water bottle to her mouth, exposing her chest and I shifted uncomfortable like, because Jesus her tits were something else.
That was the first time I realised she was a girl, first time I found her hot, but I brushed it aside, thinking it was me being a randy teen, getting turned on by anything.
When University rolled around, we attended the same community college. And hey being able to drink freely without having to answer to Mom and Dad was pretty cool, so of course I embraced the party scene. Lorraine loved it too.
One night at a pal’s shindig, I spy Lorraine sitting on the lap of a hotshot. The type of guy who’s got that bland boy band charm you know. Anyway, she’s got her tongue stuck way down his throat, he’s got his hands squeezing her butt and me? I’m shocked at first, but Jesus, I am jealous.
I don’t see myself as the envious type but seeing another guy laying his hands on Lorraine surprised me big time, and it was then, after years of insisting she was nothing but a friend, that I finally figure out I’ve got feelings for her.
Hey, I was surprised as anybody. Sitting down with a Budweiser and thinking “Me with the hots for Lorraine, are you kidding, that ain’t me!”
But God, after that night the dreams began. In my sleep, I’d see her running across a golden field in a wedding gown, leaping into the arms of some asshole, and just dreaming that made me lose it. Other dreams she’d turn to me and say “Randy, goddamn it, I love you.” And my chest would explode with a warm gushy feeling…
But real-life Lorraine would treat me as nothing but her platonic BFF, totally clueless about my growing crush on her.
It was awkward to say the least.
Yeah, but I’ve got principles, so I said nothing. Acted like her friend and hoped those feelings would go away but god no, they just got stronger. Plus watching her dating other guys was Chinese water torture.
When one dude broke up with her and she came crying to me, weeping on my lap and as I offered her some comfort, I felt like a creep. Sure outside, I was acting like her brother but inside I was doing cartwheels.
Yeah, I had fallen into that nice guy trap, being her friend without having the balls to confess my feelings. I told myself this couldn’t keep going, I had to say something, I owed Lorraine that at least.
So, as we were sitting in her bedroom one night having just finished watching a dumb action flick, I gulped and just fucking plucked up the courage to look at her straight and say “Lorraine, I love you.”
“Huh?” she frowned “You love who now?”
“You,’ I replied, standing up and placing my hands on her shoulders “I’m in love with you. Christ, I feel like an asshole for saying this but I’m in love with you and I want to be your boyfriend. Okay, so hate me if you want but I had to say something.”
And goddamn it, when I saw the fright in her eyes, I wanted to shoot myself. She didn’t reply with a “Me too”, like I prayed for, instead she acted like a cornered rabbit. Hmming and hawing before saying awkwardly: “Well Randy, I’m flattered, because hey, being loved beats the hell out of being hated. And you’ll always be my best buddy, my wingman but…”
But?
That ‘but’, goddamn that ‘but’, that ‘but’ meant I’d just fucking blew it.
Everything else went by in a blur, and it ended with me walking the streets alone, feeling nothing but shame.
Let me back up and explain that in high school, when I was young and stupid, I went up to this blonde girl and asked her out. She reacted by laughing in my face before calling over an undisclosed boyfriend. And to pore lava into the wound, they started making out right in front of me, whilst she gave me the finger.
That was the first time I asked a girl out. First time I got rejected and fuck, it stung. It wasn’t so much she turned me down. It was that the guy she called over was a million times smarter, better looking and funnier than moi. The message was ugly bastards like me don’t deserve to aim high.
So, when Lorraine handed me a rejection slip, I felt unworthy in her presence.
I know, I know. It was stupid to have that attitude and I coped with it, with the oh so mature tactic by breaking off all contact with my best friend. After two weeks of ghosting her, avoiding her in class, and not answering her texts or emails, I still missed her. There I was curled up on my bedroom floor Saturday evening, surfing the net and feeling numb, when I heard a knock on my door. Yeah, you guessed it, Lorraine was standing outside looking awkward as hell.
“Randy,” she said “What’s wrong? I don’t hate you or anything, I’m not offended that you asked me out.”
So, I told her what I just told you.
“You stupid tit,” she rolled her eyes “you’re not beneath me ‘cos I said no, I’m nobody special!”
I tried forcing a smile as the awkwardness eased up a little.
“You and me?” she went on “I’m sorry but it’s not going to happen and sulking about it isn’t going to change anything. I’ve got zero physical attraction to you. Nothing, zilch. But you’re still my best friend, almost like a brother, so romance would kinda feel like incest. Can’t we just forget this ever happened and move on?”
I managed to laugh and told her yeah why not? We got something to eat at Denny’s, before finishing the evening at a bowling alley.
But things didn’t go back to old times. I figured out at that point I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Lorraine, and you bet I wasn’t going to let her escape.
So, let me back up again and explain that around this time, there was this new program making the rounds called the Mind Control app. You wanna drop twenty pounds or quit smoking? The MC app creates a hypnotic audio file. You listen to this file and obey the desired command. This little baby plays on a sound frequency just below the human ear to consciously detect but you’re still aware of it on a subconscious level. Pretty simple.
It was taken off the market once people started using it in a billion unethical ways. Like giving your wife amnesia so she doesn’t figure out you’re cheating on her, making people vote for you, that kind of evil shit.
But back before we all knew about that, I used the app and found it totally worked. I was a slacker, lazy as fuck but after a few days of using the MC app, I’m attending lectures and getting homework done in record time.
So, Sunday morning, I’m sitting by my desk, typing in the command “You are not in love with Lorraine”. Easy enough, all I’ve got to do is listen to it for a few weeks and then all my feelings for her will be totally platonic.
But I don’t. I stare at the sentence for five minutes and hating myself, I press the delete key and then type down: “You’re in love with Randy, you want to be his girlfriend and spend the rest of your life with him.”
I know, I know, this was pure evil and I should be ashamed for even considering it, but as I sat there, I realised that I had figured out the passwords to her laptop and phone,
God, what was I thinking?
Would this send me to Hell? Did this make me worse than Hitler? I wrestled with my conscience but in the end, I knew I couldn’t lose her. I just loved that girl way too much.
So, later when we were watching TV together and she went off to the can, I quickly uploaded the audio file on her phone and when she fell asleep on the sofa, I did the same to her laptop.
I was excited, really fucking excited as I kept picturing Lorraine, earbuds in listening to the command telling her that I was her true love, I was the guy she deep down longed to marry.
After a few weeks, I start to notice the tell-tale signs, subtle at first but they soon get more obvious.
Lorraine’s acting bashful around moi, looking super pissed when I’m flirting with other girls too and one night at a party when she’s had a little too much to drink, she leans over and kisses me.
My heart’s racing but Lorraine breaks off and sounding guilty, says, “Oh god, I’m so sorry.”
Did I still feel bad? At that point no, I knew I had it in me to be a fantastic boyfriend and I was going to get the chance to prove it to her. I’d treat her better than any of her exes, believe me.
Another week goes by before she knocks on my door, looking nervous and conflicted, avoiding my gaze and rubbing her elbow.
“God Randy” she mutters “I feel like such an idiot. I know I said that you and I, wasn’t going to happen, but ever since you told me how you feel, things started to change. I don’t know what’s coming over me, but I’ve got to be honest. Randy, I like you; I mean I really like you in that let’s date kind of way. Yeah, I know I’m telling you this after I shot you down and if you don’t feel the same way anymore, I’ll…”
Like I’d ever refuse that girl. I leapt up from my bed, took Lorraine in my arms and planted a soft one upon her lips. She was shaking a little and breathlessly sighing as that innocent peck became tongue kissing and we were soon wrapping our arms around each other.
“Randy” she whispered, “I need you.”
Jesus, making love to the woman you’ve been totally crazy about ever since you knew her? Let me tell you something, it was everything I dreamed about and more.
So we kissed, letting our tongues get a good feel for each other, her hot breath burning on my throat as she unbuckled my tight jeans and let them hit the floor.
My cock was straining hard, as she inhaled it’s smell before parting her lips and getting to work.
Goddamn watching Lorraine lick my scrotum and shaft whilst she shot me a look of liquid passion, yeah, I’m all for that. My legs wobbled, and I fell back onto my mattress, as Lorraine engulfed me with her mouth, moaning all the while.
Shit, that tickling she did with her tongue was heavenly, but I grunted out for Lorraine to stop.
“Why?” she asked.
“It’s your turn.”
I flipped her onto her back, tore down her jeans and socks, and stared at her very wet pussy before easing in one finger and then another, before leaning down and letting my mouth take over.
Lorraine arched her back and dug her toes into the mattress. She was slimy and smelly down there like any good pussy. I got the strong taste of her, as my tongue drove her to heaven over and over, before I pulled back as Lorraine screamed and squirted.
Wiping myself down as she rubbed her cunt, my now girlfriend purred “Randy, I want more. I need more.” And you bet I was happy to oblige as I eased my throbbing erection into its new home, gasping at her heat as my balls rested on her ass.
She was big enough to take all of me but still tight enough to clenched down. Goddamn we were so turned on as we lay there, just holding each other, finding every tremble or tremor to be so fucking erotic.
“Fuck me Randy,” she whispered into my ear “Fuck me like crazy.”
I thrusted into Lorraine as she wrapped her legs around me. Our love making wasn’t awkward or timid, somehow, we made each other gasp at just how well we fitted together. A fine sheen of sweat broke over our skins, as I maintained my tempo. God, the sight of her large tits bouncing up and down was too much to resist so I let my mouth maul her right breast, encouraged as she commanded me to bite harder.
More and more we felt ourselves build up before backing down and racing up again, almost getting to Nevada before restarting. And every build up was more awesome than the one proceeding it.
When I knew I couldn’t take it much longer, and she was a wailing squirming wreck in my arms, I pinched her clit and felt her muscles crush me as my own soldier erupted a fine hot load inside of her.
Coming down from that great high Lorraine look at me with teary eyes and sobbed that she loved me, had always loved me and would love me forever. That made my heart ache, made me say I felt the same way. God we were kissing and hugging, giggles mixed with tears.
That was, no denying, the best day of my life.
That was the best day of my life, but seeing Lorraine, the most beautiful bride ever, walk up the aisle to make me the happiest man alive was also the best day of my life, and then watching my wife of five years give birth to our daughter was fucking far out as life changing experiences go.
What can you say when you hold your kid in your arms? If you haven’t, you don’t know what you’re missing.
So as Lorraine nursed our child, showing herself right off the bat to be a fantastic mom, I idly looked up at the TV in the corner of the hospital room, hoping to catch the baseball scores but the box was tuned onto the news. There was some report about the creator of the MC app being persecuted, all because his invention was way too easy to abuse.
“Honestly,” said Lorraine kissing our daughter’s forehead “You’d never catch me using something like that! Some men were brainwashing women into sleeping with them! Gross huh?”
‘Yup,” I agreed “totally gross.”
I wore my poker face and inwardly I was mentally thanking the guy, whose wonderful app ensured that me and my family would live happily ever after.
Hey, I’m not saying you should brainwash the girl you like into falling head over heels in love with you, all I’m saying is that it worked for me. That’s all I know.