The Experiment
Week Seven—Thursday
I haven’t written in this log for a while, although I’ve been having daily sessions with Professor B. I had a talk today with my roommate Millie about Professor B’s experiment. She’s the only I’ve told about it, and only because we’re so close. From the beginning she expressed reservations. She asked me today how the experiment was going. When I told her that I really didn’t know, that I usually don’t remember what happens during my sessions, she became very concerned and suggested that I withdraw from the experiment.
“Aren’t you worried about not remembering?” she asked me.
Well, to be honest, I haven’t been worried. She wouldn’t let it go, however.
“I think you should be worried. I think you should just stop going. You have no idea what suggestions he’s giving you, what he’s doing to you. You started out going three times a week, now you’re up to five. It seems like you’re being pulled in. And you’ve been different lately. More pre-occupied, sort of spacey. I’m really worried about you, Katie.”
Well, it’s true that I don’t know what’s going on in my sessions. Maybe I should be concerned? Millie continued to press me. She painted all sorts of dark scenarios—Professor B making me do things I didn’t want to do, taking advantage of me, causing psychological damage.
After a while, her concern started affecting me. Perhaps she’s right about being too trusting. I have no idea what Professor B is doing to me, and that is just a little scary. As Millie continued to talk, pointing out the dangers of hypnosis and suggesting it might get harder and harder for me to back out, I found myself getting worried. Maybe she’s right.
We talked a long, long time. As we talked and talked, I became more and more uneasy. Finally, I agreed that I’d stop going to my sessions. I wonder how Professor B will take that? I feel bad, because I did commit to two semesters of involvement. But I think Millie’s right. I should pull out now, before things go any further. There’s still time for Professor B to find another subject for his experiment. It may be a bit tough for me; I enjoy the hypnosis sessions so much, but I’m pretty strong. I’ll get over it.
I ought to go tell Professor B that I’m withdrawing, but that will be so hard. I think I’ll just skip my next couple of sessions and see if he says anything.
Week Seven—Friday
I didn’t go to my session with Professor B yesterday. I really wanted to, but I held back. Instead of my session, I went to the library. Today in class he didn’t say anything. I guess I was expecting that he’d ask me to stay after class, and ask why I didn’t show up. To my surprise, he didn’t say anything at all. He acted as if everything was just fine. How odd.
I’m not sure why I’m continuing this log, since I’m no longer part of Professor B’s experiment. It’s just become a habit, I guess. And I do want to please him.