An Excellent Subject
by xesulliv
Part II: Breakthrough
The next Thursday I sat in the waiting room waiting to be called back to see Brian. I focused on the young man behind the corner desk. He was dressed so smartly with a crisp white shirt. Has black hair was almost stunningly dark, thick and wavy. I noticed the designer stubble on his jaw. Such a strong jaw. Why hadn’t I noticed this kid before? I had been coming to see Brian for three months and yet I had only that day took notice of such a handsome young man.
The kid probably took me back to Brian’s office for every visit, not that I would remember.
“Hey, what’s your name?” I asked as I waited.
“Philip,” he said with a smooth, deep voice.
He looked at ease in his own skin and I longed for his confidence. How could I be so envious of a kid at least a decade younger than myself?
“Where did you go to school?” I asked.
“I graduated a few years ago, but it was a chore. I was a college burnout until I met the doctor. He happened to have an opening in his office and I jumped at the chance when he offered it to me.” The guy smiled, showing off blindingly white teeth.
“How nice,” I commented lamely. I decided it was nice to get to know attractive looking men and was happy to have struck up a conversation with this one, but then I went back to fidgeting on my phone. I put in the earbuds and started the last audio file that Brian had loaded on the mp3 player at our last session. The files didn’t do their job correctly, but it was soothing to listen to Brian’s voice and the music in the background was just perfect. It was a very relaxing way to spend my time.
“The doctor will see you now,” Philip said, breaking me out of my calm bubble. The young man rose from his desk and shimmied in front of me. He had on tight black pants that were cut as if designed to fit his body. His shoes were a shiny black and they clicked on the floor as he walked in front of me. He pushed the door open.
“I’ll see you in an hour,” Philip said calmly, almost seductively—or was my mind playing tricks on me?
“Yes, of course,” I replied. My cock had been semi-hard during my time in the waiting room. Now that I was getting closer and closer to Brian’s couch, my arousal was becoming more and more uncomfortable. I wore the plain slacks that I wore in my job. A veterinarian wasn’t a fancy doctor like a surgeon or something… I wasn’t expected to look as crisp as the young man in the waiting room—I felt like a scrub when compared to Philip. I felt like a scrub when comparing myself to the distinguished doctor that walked up to me and shook my hand.
Brian.
I was reminded of the student debt to income ratio and how I was still in the red and probably would be for a few more years, seeing as that bitch of an ex-wife left me at the worst possible time. Breathe… calm… no worries. I needed to find my calm, happy space and not get angry… not in front of Brian.
“Hello, Matthew, how are you doing?”
“I’m doing fine, doctor.”
“Oh, please, we’re beyond that at this, point don’t you think. You should call me Brian.”
My face flushed. “Of course, Brian. What was I thinking? I must be nervous to be here.”
“I get that reaction a lot. Why don’t you have a seat? Let’s talk about what’s wearing on you. Your shoulders look more tense than I expected.”
“I don’t think your tapes are working correctly,” I offered immediately.
“And why would you say that?” he asked with a funny grin on his face.
“I just had a feeling as the week wore on that I was getting more and more tense. The songs were supposed to relax me… that’s what you promised. But then I would wake up after having these strange dreams. And I grew so frustrated with myself.”
“Frustrated, in what way?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Interesting,” Brian murmured. He scribbled a note on his pad. The scratch scratch scratch pulled at my ears and reminded me that I was in a familiar space. A safe space. I felt even more relaxed than I had in the waiting room when I compared myself to the secretary and came up lacking. “And you don’t think the tapes had any effect on you?”
“Not at all,” I said.
Brian looked down. He stared at me. I didn’t know what he was looking at. “And you’re sure the tapes that had no effect on you whatsoever?” he asked again.
“Brian! Is this a trick question? I already answered that question, what is it, twice now? I know I pay you to quack at me, but if you’re going to repeat yourself, maybe it’s time for a new therapist!” I laughed at my own daring. Brian was such a great man and such a great friend. I would never give that up.
“I know you must think I’m crazy,” Brian suggested with a laugh of his own. “Why don’t you humor me for a minute longer. Would you look down at yourself?”
I looked down at my knees. “What am I looking for?” I asked. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps I had spilled some animal refuse on my clothes before I left the hospital? But everything looked to be in order.
“Nothing is catching your eye? Nothing feels uncomfortable?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said with a guilty laugh. “Why don’t you give me a hint? Is there something on my shirt or on my legs that I can’t see?” I twisted on the couch, inadvertently showing him my meaty ass. I knew that my clothes weren’t the best, certainly not up to his standards.
“Something like that. You can look back up now.” I shook my head at Brian’s silliness. He was normally such a serious man so his goofiness was out of character, but it made me relate to him more. I was realizing more and more how much I truly respected the man. He looked and acted the part of a proper gentleman.
He asked me another question, “Does anything feel out of the ordinary to you?”
“Brian!” I said angrily. “If you have something to say, just say it!”
“What am I doing?” he asked, oddly.
“You’re sitting in your chair, just like you always do. Milking me of my money, just like you always do. Clacking at me and making me frustrated, just like you always do!” I could feel my anger boiling over. It has been a while since I flipped out at Brian that quickly. Something had really gotten under my skin in the past week and I couldn’t put my finger on it. That’s what this quack was here to help me with and yet he just kept asking me the same stupid question over and over again, expecting a different answer.
“Calm down,” he said easily. “I’m not teasing you and I didn’t mean to upset you. Perhaps we can get to the root cause of your distress. I was hoping that this week we might have a Breakthrough.” He said that last word strangely, like he wasn’t speaking to me in a conversation but like it was as a command. The word made my head feel weird and I recoiled—I felt physically sick.
“Just stop asking me the same question!” I retorted. I touched my head and squinted, which pulled my eyebrows together. “This is giving me a headache,” I complained.
“It’s okay… I expected you to be further along than you are.” Brian was so considerate. “This was my mistake. There must have been something important that happened this week to interrupt our programming. Do you want to talk about it?”
I noticed that Brian had stopped stroking his boner out of concern for me. I didn’t know why he had to show off his erection when I walked in, but it was a completely natural thing… to have a boner. I had one, too, so it’s not like it was anything to make a fuss about. Maybe that’s what he was asking about—our boners? But why would I take issue with him touching himself.
“Were you talking about your penis?” I asked slowly.
“You mean my boner?”
I laughed. “Yeah, dude, your boner. It sounds so funny to hear such a distinguished and respected man like you say a word like that.” My anger dissolved slightly as my warm chuckles filled the room.
“I’m glad to see you figured out my little question. It didn’t upset you at all, did it?”
“What didn’t?”
“This.” He touched himself again.
“Why would that bother me?” I asked incredulously. “We’re both guys. All guys do it.” I touched myself just to prove the point. It felt so great to stroke my cock, especially in my safe space. I felt powerful when I was in Brian’s office and this was the perfect place to release my pent-up emotions.
“Now, why don’t we get back to what happened over the past week and discuss whatever is blocking you.”
I fondled my crotch and ignored my therapist. I thought about the thing that had captured my attention as I walked in the building… “I talked to your receptionist. He seemed like a nice guy.”
“He is quite talented. Did you notice if he was erect. Is that what upset you? His hard cock?”
“I told you, Brian, quit repeating yourself. This is a safe space and boners are perfectly natural. I don’t understand why you keep talking about them.”
“Never mind… please continue. What would you like to talk about with regard to Philip?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I stuttered. “I don’t really even know why I brought him up. You asked me what was bothering me and that’s what’s been on my mind. I saw him sitting there and I thought: Who is this? Why haven’t I seen him before?”
“Ah yes,” Brian said. “This means your barriers are lowering. You are opening yourself up to a new and happier life. This is a good sign. It’s a sign that the hypnosis files were working as intended.”
I scoffed at him. He itched his boner and grinned at me. I smiled shyly and scratched my crotch. “Did you notice how handsome Philip is?” Brian asked me.
“I guess, I hadn’t noticed before…” I stated. The truth was that as I sat in the waiting room and looked at the young man behind the desk… I had thought about how handsome he looked. I had compared myself and discovered that I wanted to look like him. The young man looked so refined—the perfect stubble on such a strong jaw. He had a deep voice and some incredibly green eyes. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t notice him before a few minutes ago! The way he looked at me through those long dark lashes. He had perfectly styled, thick luscious hair.
Philip was perfect.
“Yes, when you find a green-eyed, black-haired beauty like him, you don’t let them go.”
I blushed. “I have green eyes,” I mumbled. “But my hair is brown.” I didn’t know why I said that or why it made me so sad to have brown hair instead of black. Why was I unconsciously comparing myself to Philip?
“Your hair is a nice chocolate brown,” Brian said approvingly. “It’s dark. Certainly dark enough for my tastes.”
I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Something didn’t ring true about Brian’s words and I thought that he was patronizing me.
“Brian,” I accused sharply. “I thought we had moved past this part of our relationship—I thought we were being real with each other. Weren’t we supposed to form an excellent partnership—” My words rang in the room and my head was suddenly filled with cobwebs. I didn’t know why I had spouted those words at him so quickly, but the ‘Excellent Partnership’ resulted in a jolt of energy to my body. I felt like I needed to get up and run—like I needed to express myself more fully.
“Yes,” I heard Brian say, as if from a distance. “You are an Excellent Subject.” My head drooped and my energy faded. “I want you to count backwards with me. Start from ten.
“Ten, we are falling backwards, but you know that I am always here to catch you.
“Nine, you are in control and I am just guiding you.
“Eight, you are finding yourself trusting me even more.
“Seven, we’re going on this journey together.
“Six, you know that I can help you. Only I can help you.”
His voice disappeared and I mumbled something that I couldn’t quite remember even as I was saying it.
“Two, anything uncomfortable is receding into the distance. You are so relaxed. You are very calm. You like feeling this way and only my voice can bring you to this happy place. You are such an Excellent Subject.”
My mind was completely open. I trusted Brian completely. I would trust him with my life. I trusted him with my savings. I would trust him with anything he asked for.
And lucky for me, he didn’t ask for much.
That’s how I knew he was the best kind of friend—Brian would help me work through my issues and that was all he cared about. I felt a warmth around my shoulders like he was giving me a hug or like there was a comforting blanket around my body. I could have stayed in that moment forever. But like all good things, it had to end.
I reluctantly followed Brian’s voice as he brought me back to awareness. The vague whispers of the past however many minutes began to clarify into a more actionable motivation. I had something I needed to do. Oh yes, that’s right… I had to listen to Brian.
His voice lifted me up as my body soared to the sky. There was a light on my face. I heard a ticking clock. The cars on the road. And his voice, always his voice, was all around me. I felt so happy. So blissful. Brian helped me work through my blocks and I was sure we were going to have a Breakthrough.
That word: Breakthrough. It woke me from my reverie with a disorienting jolt. Brian’s face comforted me—his distinguished face was about one foot in front of me... staring.
“What was that!” I said as I jumped back.
“You still aren’t used to coming out of an induction,” he informed me. “Don’t worry, we’ll get over that soon enough. You are an Excellent Subject.”
My head slumped. My worries faded. I no longer cared about that word—that breakthrough. It was still a bad word but I didn’t need to yell at Brian about it. We would work our way around it. We would figure out why that word was so upsetting to me.
I blinked as I woke up again, feeling like a computer after it reboots.
“Now that we know what word you don’t want to hear,” Brian said calmly. “Why don’t we figure out how the audio files might have triggered something deep within you.”
“They didn’t trigger anything. They didn’t even work.”
“You walked in here with an erection and you felt perfectly at ease in my office. Trust me, the audio files worked.”
“I did nothing of the sort!” I claimed.
“Look down. Do you notice anything out of the ordinary.”
I looked at my crotch. I was erect. Fully erect. And why wasn’t I wearing underwear?
He laughed at my shocked face. “Don’t worry,” he said smoothly. “We are in a safe space here. Everything you feel is completely natural.”
“Yes,” I agreed slowly, putting the pieces together. “There’s nothing to be worried about. I trust you completely. Completely natural.”
“I softened the trigger word when I had you under a moment ago. When I say the word Breakthrough, what do you think about?”
I flinched. “I don’t want to talk about it!” I said angrily. “It gives me a headache. I don’t want to be here!”
“Calm down,” Brian commanded. “If we don’t get to the bottom of this, I’ll have to say the word again. I need to know why it affects you so deeply.”
“You know why,” I said sadly. “You know about my history.”
“Why haven’t you been going to the gym?” he asked, changing the subject.
I kept my mouth shut and looked down at his feet.
“Matthew… Dr. Ives. Dr. Matthew Ives. Matthew Reginald Ives.” His voice was soothing. “That’s it, so calm and so easy to listen to me. Tell me, your trusted guide… I’ve been asking you for months to go to the gym. The physical activity will help with your anger issues. It’s so easy to look at the truth when you’re feeling so relaxed and so safe. Tell the truth now: why aren’t you going to the gym?”
“I can’t,” I said slowly. It was difficult to move my mouth when I was so relaxed.
“Why not?”
“It reminds me of them… I can’t do it. I can’t follow the Breakthrough.” Saying that word made my body shudder. I wanted to Breakthrough my blocks. I wanted to be happier. I wanted to be more at ease and have less worries. But I couldn’t go to the gym. I couldn’t find and replace my friends—they were lost to me forever. I had to wallow in my anger and my pity.
“That’s good…” Brian suggested. “This is the first time you’ve admitted as much to me. I would love to hear more about your fears.”
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “I love those men… Used to love them.”
“I know,” Brian said softly. “It’s okay, you can still love them. You can admit it to me. It is masculine to love the men you served with—your brothers in arms.”
I felt tears form in my eyes and my emotions were so high. I came out of the hypnotic trance on my own and without his command.
“What’s happening to me?” I stared at my hands before wiping my face. I felt like a sissy. I felt weak and exhausted, like I had just run an emotional marathon.
“This is good,” Brian said. “We’re having a Breakthrough.”
I shut my eyes and let the calmness return. This time, hearing the word ‘breakthrough’ was not discomforting, but liberating. I had revealed my inner secrets to my good friend Brian. He was a man I could trust and whom could make me feel at ease. I had finally had a breakthrough.
Brian mumbled some other things that I couldn’t hear. I remembered that I was an Excellent Subject and that it was so easy to trust him and to believe in him and to do whatever he said.
And after our little talk, I had a sudden inspiration to workout—not just to work out my anger issues, but to physically go to the gym. I had been feeling this way all week for some strange reason—a build up of an unusual amount of energy and now I finally needed to act on it.
“Breakthrough—”
My eyes snapped open and I took a deep breath. “That’s so strange!” I said, my mind full of wonder. “Now I can recognize when you’ve had me under for a long time. It makes me feel…” Wonderful!
“It hasn’t been that long,” my therapist said. “Take a look at the clock, it’s only been half an hour.”
And he was correct. Our time together had been so short. I could have swore I was on that couch for hours and hours just listening to his voice. It was true—Brian and I must have had a breakthrough.
“I trust you so much,” I said. I felt like I needed to declare my loyalty to him and shower him with adoration.
“I know you do. Now, why don’t we talk about the gym again? You’ve been resistant to the idea for months.”
“I’ve been feeling sluggish and am ready for a change. I wonder if getting a personal trainer would do me good, but I don’t know if I can do it. It brings up so many bad memories for me.”
“I understand. You just have to go with someone you trust deeply… someone that would take care of you.”
“I trust you deeply,” I said automatically. “You will…” take care of me.
“Yes, it is so easy to be calm and relaxed as you listen to my voice.”
Brian was so calm and commanding. He was a respected man and he deserved my complete loyalty. Whatever Brian suggested would be a great idea. He was so much smarter than me.
“I know of a good gym. It’s very clean and very friendly.”
“Where is it?” I asked, suddenly very curious.
“Well, I could show it to you sometime, if you want. I go there at least three times a week. Why don’t we go try it out on Saturday morning. Wouldn’t that be alright with you?”
“I’ll have to look at my schedule,” I said while scratching my chin. I felt like there was something important that I had to do on Saturday, but I couldn’t remember what it was. Plus, anything Brian suggested had to be the right idea so why was I fighting him on this?
“Matthew…” Brian said calmly. “Doctor Ives. Listen to my voice. If we are to be in an Excellent Partnership, you need to trust me.”
I felt extremely horny when he said the word ‘partnership’. I wanted to be such a good partner to him. I wanted to be his—
“Excellent Subject.”
My head dropped.
Time passed.
I was an Excellent Subject.
“Four, you are almost to the surface now.
“Three, you are grabbing onto my voice for support.
“Two, you know that I will never steer you wrong.
“One, you are ready to go to the gym.”
I opened my eyes. “I’m ready to go to the gym,” I said robotically.
“How about this Saturday morning, two days from now?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. I sighed happily, happy to have made Brian happy. “If there is anything on my schedule for that day, I will clear it. I need to go to the gym. And I would love to go with you, my trusted friend.”
“That’s so good of you to say,” Brian purred. “We’ve come so far in these past couple weeks… On your way out of the office this afternoon, ask Philip for directions to the gym. And he will hand you the new files for the week.”
“I don’t think the hypnosis files worked,” I said, for what must have been the tenth time in an hour.
“But how would you know?” Brian asked with an impish grin. “What if I designed the audio to make you feel as if it wasn’t working, to make you trust them even more?”
I blinked stupidly, trying to rationalize what he just said. Eventually, I gave up. “No, that can’t be right,” I said. I felt more awake with each passing second. “The files aren’t working. You must not be as smart as you thought you were,” I teased.
“That’s a very mean thing to say.” Brian scowled and suddenly looked very mean—I had never seen him wear such a dark expression. “I thought you respected me? I thought you were in awe of my intelligence?”
“Oh, I am,” I said quickly. “You are very—”
Brian snapped his fingers and my head dropped. I floated down into the trance, listening to Brian’s trusted counsel. I heard his voice as if from across the room. He spoke to me with anger. I felt so naughty, like I wanted to wake up and make him feel better—to please him.
I knew I had done something wrong and for that I had to apologize. Brian was such a good friend and he didn’t deserve how I treated him. He was so smart, and I had to respect his intelligence. There were two kind of men in the world, attractive ones, and smart ones. Brian was smart and deserved respect. I was attractive, and deserved guidance from a smart, respected man.
He snapped his fingers.
My cock was rock hard.
“How do you feel, Matthew?”
I looked at Brian in a slightly different light. I felt so reverent towards him—like he was helping me through all my problems and deserved all of my attention. He deserved everything I could possibly give him.
“Oh Brian!” I said with my voice full of awe. “Thank you for helping me so much. What would I do without you?” I was overcome with adoration. “You are the only man that can do this for me, who can make me feel so calm and at ease.”
“And what do you make of my intelligence? Doesn’t that make me so much more important than you?”
“Oh yes!” I agreed quickly and with great enthusiasm. “You are the best ever!” There was absolutely no doubt about that!
It felt so great to praise Brian. He was such an excellent hypnotist. I fell under his spell so immediately and so easily. I really wanted to impress him and to be an even more excellent subject. I wanted to be an excellent partner, an excellent companion, and an excellent lover…
Whoa… where had that last thought come from. It’s like… what was I thinking? Brian couldn’t be my lover… he was a dude!
“That’s enough for today,” Brian suggested. “Philip will see you out. I’ll see you on Saturday,” he finished stiffly.
I stood on wobbly feet. I didn’t quite have my balance back because I had been under his hypnotic spell for so long. It felt strange to admit that Brian had actually hypnotized me, but that’s the only answer I could come up with. And plus, I was such an excellent subject, and the hypnosis felt so great!
“Oh, and Matthew…” Brian added as I left. “Do send in Philip when you’re done. I am in extra need of him tonight.”
“I will,” I answered, slightly bowing my head to the older gentleman.
Philip gave me directions to the gym when I asked. He looked at my body, but I did not feel proud to show off either my chest or my attire. I felt as though I needed to improve myself by making adjustments to my physique so that Brian would be happier with me.
“Here are your files for the week,” Philip said with his sensual voice. He handed me the mp3 player. “The next couple sessions are the most important. I can’t wait to see you next week…”
“Yes,” I agreed in a daze. “I do like to see you, too,” I said. I took in his crisp, clean clothes and his eager, youthful face. I wanted to look like that. I wanted to look like I belonged in Brian’s orbit… in Brian’s office… and in Brian’s life. I needed to prove myself to Brian. I needed to show how loyal I was to him.
I played the audio files as I tried to fall asleep that night. I let my head go its own way and disappear into the music. I dreamed of Brian. I dreamed of being in his company all the time. I wanted to feel him around me. I wanted to feel him in… inside… in… What was that?
“You trust me completely,” Brian’s voice said through the recording.
“I trust you completely,” I said as I fell closer and closer to sleep, but still in a dream-like daze.
“Do not worry about the emotions you are feeling for me. I welcome them. I appreciate them. When such a handsome young man looks at me, it is not anything to be worried about. It is natural.”
“It is natural,” I agreed.
“Firmly hold your cock,” Brian’s voice instructed as the music swelled in the background.
I grabbed myself so that I was comfortable. Brian told me to stroke myself and I did. He told me only his voice could bring me such pleasure. And he was right; I was feeling so unbelievable at that moment and it was all thanks to his voice.
I wanted—no, needed—to prove to him how much pleasure he brought me. I had to go deeper. It was important that I find release so that I could let my conscious mind sleep while Brian spoke to my subconscious.
“Speak to my subconscious,” I said to my empty bedroom.
“Say my name,” he commanded.
“Brian,” I whispered.
“Say my name.”
“Brian,” I said, louder.
“Say my name.”
“Brian!” I yelled as I pumped my cock. The music swelled with emotion—it was the same type of music as last week’s audio files, but it felt more intense. I knew that I needed to release in order to go deeper—just like last week.
“Say my name.”
“Brian! Brian! Brian!” I thrust into my hand and breathed raggedly.
“Say the name of your lover.”
I followed the script as I had for the past however many minutes by shouting Brian’s name as I pumped my cock. “Brian!” I yelled.
“You will be an Excellent Lover.”
His command over my pleasure was total.
I erupted and fell into my bed… fell into my sheets… and fell asleep. I subconsciously agreed with Brian’s assessment: I would make an excellent lover. But first I had to improve myself to get up to his standards. Oh, how I wanted to be up to Brian’s standards.