The Customer is Always Right
By CNP
Commissioned by Mike Lee
It was 8:59 when John Smith walked into the local pet store. The greeting he received wasn’t the cheeriest of the day. A pretty woman with dark hair gave him an ugly look, and perhaps calling what she said a greeting would be a stretch.
“The store is closed.” Sarah Ng said flatly. John knew her first from reading her nametag. He knew her last from reading other things that he and few others could.
John gave a pout and looked at his watch. Then he responded with as much kindness as he could toward those with foul attitudes. “I’m sorry to come in so late, I know you’re closing soon. I only need to pick up a few things then I’ll be on my way. It will only take a minute. I promise!”
Sarah turned the sign around to make sure no more late comers tried to gain entry. She didn’t even look back at John when she rejected his business a second time. “Store’s closed. Come back tomorrow. We open at 10.”
It was the sort of response John had been expecting. That was part of why he had chosen to shop here this evening. THe other part being that his pets did in fact need supplies. And John wasn’t about to let them suffer needlessly for a night.
If it were 9:01 he might have. John would have no argument that he would have missed the boat by that time. But his foot was already in the door, even if but only a minute before the store closed. He knew exactly what he was going to get, it wasn’t like he was going to waste time idling about shopping. And he’d be damned if he didn’t leave without getting at least some of what he had come for. Especially for something so easy to just hand over.
“Alright, I know you’re in a hurry to get out of here. Can I just get some PetChow please. It’s right behind the counter. I’ll buy it quick, no checks I promise! Then I’ll be out of your hair.” John asked.
“Store’s closed.” Sarah said rejecting him now thrice. This time more sharply than before and now with a glare of contempt. Then she looked into the back of the store and called out “Albert!”
A young twenty something came out from the back. He looked at Sarah as he came to see what she needed him for. She responded by jerking her head toward John.
“Sorry, dude, store’s closed. We can’t sell you anything after 9.” Albert said. John wondered if he might have been a relative of his, since they both bore the same last name. But he could tell that any relation must have been distant. It appeared Albert had lived all his life on the coast, as had his family before him for many generations.
“Well, I’m in luck then, it’s only 8:59.” John said pointing to his watch. “I’ll take one bag of PetChow.”
“Oh.” Albert said, then turned around to grab a bag and check John out. But Sarah punched him before he could.
“Oh. Uh, store’s closed. Sorry, dude.” he said taking the hint.
“Come on, it’s just one item. Just ring me up. Please?” John asked. Sometimes it paid to be insistent. He knew it wouldn’t this time, but it was only fair that he gave everyone their fair chance to play nice.
“You heard him. Come back tomorrow. Your pet can wait. Especially if that’s what you’re feeding it!” Sarah shot back, scowling at him.
John smiled. That was the answer he had wanted to hear. He might not have gotten a full read out on Albert, yet. There would be time for that later. But he didn’t need to waste any more time trying to get Sarah to play nice. She wasn’t about to do that on her own terms. And what good would a pet do John if she didn’t play well with others?
“You know what, you’re right. My pets can wait.” John said turning to leave. Then he froze time and added “But so can you!”
John laughed at his little joke, he knew no one else could, then he went about what he had hoped he would be doing that night. He was sure his animals wouldn’t mind if he were a few minutes, or maybe an hour late. But he wasn’t about to let them go over night without at least something to nosh on. And if it meant putting some uppity sales clerk in her place during the process, so be it. Plus, he still had a few empty rooms left.
It was precisely 9 in the evening when he had frozen time. John Smith was meticulous about making sure he was punctual for his important engagements. Nothing short of the US Naval Observatory time for him. For whatever reason it seemed to be the most consistent when he froze time on a grand scale.
John went about locking up the store. He’d served his time in customer service before his ‘awakening’ and the paneled windows of one store where just the same as any other. He wanted to make sure that it would be difficult for anyone to break in. He’d make the mistake of not taking such precautions on one his early forays and wound up with a herd of persons he’d rather not have spent any time with.
Still, he knew the plan wasn’t foolproof. If someone really wanted to get in, they could. They just would likely be making a lot of noise in doing so. That would give him enough warning to figure out who was coming and just what exactly they thought they were hoping on doing by robbing a pet store.
The building sufficiently locked, John did a quick glance around to make sure there were no missed side entrances. He did notice it was still possible to see in and out of the windows. But only if you were really adamant about it. John figured if anyone was to go the the effort to watch what they could through the narrow strips that they deserved to see the show.
All entrances accounted for, John went about his way of making slight changes here and there. It was fun to see what his targets noticed. Especially when it was something out of place that he’d even forgot he’d moved.
John went back to where he had been standing when he had left the two clerks frozen. He didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself this early in the game. Then he unfroze time.
“Huh, I’m sorry about that.” John said, turning back to the clerks who seemed unaware anything had changed. “It looks like I can’t go anywhere after all. I can’t believe you guys locked me in here with you!”
Sarah scowled at Albert then jabbed him with her fist. “Why did you do that?”
“Ow! Not cool, Sarah. I didn’t lock up. I don’t have the keys, remember?” Albert defended.
“Well, since I’m locked in here anyway...” John interrupted “Could you go ahead and sell me the PetChow?” He wasn’t below giving people last chances.
Albert looked like he was about to answer in the affirmative, but Sarah answered before he could. “No! We’re closed! We can’t sell you anything! Customers aren’t even allowed in the store after hours!”
Sarah said all this while leading John Smith to the door. Once there, she tried to unlock it so that she might be rid of John for the evening. But her plan bore no fruit.
“I can’t get it open!” Sarah said, frustrated and with a hint of panic in her voice.
Albert walks up to try his hand at it. “Did you lock it?”
“Of course I didn’t lock it. I wasn’t the one to close it up, you were!” Sarah accused.
“Well, if it’s locked, try unlocking it?” Albert may not have been the brightest in his class, but even a dim bulb makes some light.
Sarah tried, but the key seemed to be of no use to her.
“Well, this is a fine predicament. You won’t sell me PetChow, and even if you did I couldn’t take it home to feed my animals. What am I supposed to do? What are they going to do?” John asked.
“Sorry, bruh.” Albert said.
“No, we’re not!” Sarah said “If you hadn’t come in so late we wouldn’t be in this mess!”
“Me?” John asked, surprised “And how exactly was it my fault? If you’d just sold me what I wanted to buy, I wouldn’t have been stuck with you. But no… For whatever reason, no seems to have ever taught you the phrase ‘the customer is always right’.”
Sarah laughed out loud. “The customer is always right? Ha! Have you ever worked in retail? If the customer were always right, we’d be giving everything away for free!”
“Huh, yeah! Customers can be pretty dumb, dude.” Albert added.
“Great, well, if I’m the dumb one how do you two brainiacs plan on getting us out?” John inquired.
“Uh…” Albert answered.
“We call the manager and wait for him to show up.” Sarah said, already on the phone.
John hadn’t thought about that variable. He’d expected the sales clerk to be too stubborn to ask for help.
“Hey Mr. P.” Said Sarah on the phone. “Sorry to call you so late. No, the stores not on fire or anything. But somehow Albert managed to lock us inside the store. Yeah, he can be quite the idiot sometime.”
“Hey! Not cool, Sarah.” said Albert, then louder to be heard over the phone. “It wasn’t me Mr. P!”
“Yeah, I tried the keys. I don’t know what’s up, it’s jammed or something. But there’s a customer locked in with us, too. I don’t know how it happened. Alright, I’ll make sure he doesn’t try and file a complaint.” Sarah sighed then hung up.
“You don’t want me to file a complaint? After the way you’ve treated me and then locked me in the store with you?” John couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Sarah’s sigh turned into a loud groan. Then she reached behind her and grabbed a bag a PetChow and tossed it to John. “Boss man said it was on the house.”
“Well, that was nice of him.” said John, accepting the bag.
“Woah, free PetChow! Score, dude!” Albert said, offering John a fistbump. Which John took, awkwardly. Albert didn’t seem to notice. “Dude, I’ve never seen anyone get free anything here. Like, ever!”
“I’m happy to be the first then.” said John.
“Good. Because it’s not going to happen again.” Snapped Sarah.
John didn’t dignify that with a response. It was clear Sarah wasn’t the chatty type. Unless it involved insulting someone.
So John played along as if he were trapped, like the employees thought they were. He stood silent at the counter, his fingers strumming an unknown beat out of boredom.
Albert wasn’t the type to keep a conversation going, let alone start one. He stood nearby, trying to maintain his relaxed disposition. But it was clear that he didn’t like being trapped in the store. John noticed that he stood away from Sarah and would occasionally glance at her, as if he were trying to make sure her ire wasn’t directed at him.
It wasn’t. Aside from the occasional glance to the door to see if their boss had come to unlock them from the outside, Sarah kept her cold stare fixed on John.
He pretended not to notice. But it would have been impossible not to, the way she glared at him. Albert might have wrongly accepted responsibility for them being locked in the store. But Sarah would have none of it. It was clear that she placed every ounce of blame on John’s shoulders. He couldn’t begrudge her that. It was mostly true.
Of course, if she’d just sold him what he’d asked for before the store closed she wouldn’t have been locked in, either. So John wouldn’t hold her entirely without fault.
At last, Sarah couldn’t take it any longer. “Do you have to keep drumming your fingers like that?”
John stopped. He’d almost forgotten he was doing it on purpose. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize it was bothering you.”
“Well, it is. So don’t do it anymore.” Sarah warned.
“Fine. Albert, you look bored. Why don’t you show me the animals you’ve got? It’ll help pass the time.” John asked.
Albert looked to Sarah as to what sort of response she might like best. But she had already turned her back on him and John. “Uh, okay.” He said at last. “But, uh, I don’t really know much about what we’ve got. I mostly work the back room.”
“That’s alright. This isn’t a pop quiz or anything.” John said. “We’re just passing time, and I’m sure you know more about what you’ve got here than I do.”
“Whatever you say, dude.” Albert said, heading toward the animal displays.
John followed. It was unlikely there was anything there that he hadn’t seen before. Except for whatever the ‘trending’ animal was. Hermit crabs with painted shells were still popular, but now black light fish were hot. They were called Neons, but John would forever think of them as Frankenfish.
“Uh, here it is.” said Albert, stopping in the center of the animal section. “What were you hoping to look at, dude?”
“I don’t know, just passing the time, like I said. I like all animals, really. What about you?” John asked.
“Uh, not all animals. The lizards and snakes still creep me out.” answered Albert.
“I can understand that. Especially if you haven’t been around them much. Well, you’ve said what you don’t like. What about what you do? What’s your favorite animal?” asked John.
“Uh…” Albert stuttered. It was clear he wasn’t used to being asked this many questions all at one time. “Probably cats.”
“Cats? Really?” John asked. He hadn’t been expecting that.
“Yeah, dude. They’re independant. Not too needy. They seem chill, you know?” Albert explained.
“Chill?” John gave him a skeptical look. “I don’t think you’ve been around many cats, my friend.”
“Well, not outside this store, no.” Albert admitted. “Most of the people I know are dog people. And I know enough to know that I am not. So I must be a cat person, right?”
“I don’t think it has to work that way.” The thought of trying to explain it out crossed John’s mind, but he thought better of. “So, cats definitely are more independent than dogs. What else do you like about them?”
“Well, they’re easier to take care of. Like I said, not too needy like the dogs are. And they’re really soft, you know?” Albert said smiling.
John kept the questions coming. “Do you like to pet them?”
“Yeah, they’re like the softest things I’ve ever felt.” said Albert.
“I take it you’ve never heard of chinchillas?” John asked.
“Chin what?”
“Nevermind. What about bunnies? Have you ever tried petting a bunny?”
“No way, dude!”
Again, John found himself surprised by the answer. “Really? Why not?”
“They’ve got really sharp teeth. My friend had one growing up and he warned me about it. Plus I’ve seen ‘The Holy Grail’” Albert explained.
John kept from slapping his own forehead. “You’re afraid of bunnies?”
“No! It’s just, I was a kid, you know? Kids are dumb, dude. I”m not a kid anymore.” Albert said proudly.
“Sometimes kids are dumb.” John laughed. “I think you should try petting a bunny. I’m sure you’d like it. If you like petting cats that is.”
“Maybe.” Albert said, then sighed. “But there aren’t any bunnies here.”
John perked up, the time had come. “Maybe not plural, but there is one.”
“What?”
“Over there!” John said, pointing toward Sarah.
“What are you two talking about?” Sarah asked seeing John’s finger pointing toward her.
“Oh, we were just talking about how nice it was to pet bunnies. Albert’s never done it before. Don’t you think it would be nice if we let him pat the bunny?” answered John.
“We don’t have any rabbits.” Sarah frowned.
“Told you, dude.” said Albert, his hopes dashed. He was really looking forward to petting something really soft.
“I wasn’t talking about a rabbit.” John explained. “I was talking about a Bunny!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sarah asked, she was already tired of this game.
“I’m talking about you, Bunny. You should let Albert pat you.” John suggested.
“The hell I will!” Sarah yelled. “Listen mister. I don’t know what you two have been talking about over there. But you can stop right now. Just because my boss is on the way doesn’t mean I won’t call 911!”
“Oh, don’t worry. That won’t be necessary, Bunny. And, because you asked, I’ll stop right here.” John assured her. “But every bunny I’ve ever met liked it when I pat them. And I’m sure you’ll like it if Albert pats you.”
“I highly doubt that! No offense, Albert.” Sarah lied.
“No worries.” Albert said, sheepishly.
Then Sarah asked John. “And why do you keep calling me ‘Bunny’ anyway?”
John shrugged. “It’s what it says on your nametag.”
“No it doesn’t!” Sarah countered. “It says… ‘Bunny’.”
“Woah! And to think I’ve been calling you Sarah all this time! I’m sorry, Bunny” said Albert. “I really like that name, by the way. Bunny, heh.”
“But my name is S… Bunny.” Bunny said at last, stomping her foot in frustration.
“Yeah, I get it. I’m not dumb!” said Albert. “Jeez, no wonder you were always angry with me. You could have just told me that when we met. Would have saved us a lot of hassle.”
“But my name’s not Bunny! It’s S… Bunny!” Bunny said, stomping her right foot more.
“Alright. Now I’m confused.” Albert said, genuinely puzzled. “Is your name Bunny or Sbunny? ‘Cause Sbunny is a weird name.”
“It’s Bunny, see her nametag? Don’t worry, I think she’s confused, too. And she’s stressed. Bunnies get like that sometimes. You can tell when they stomp their feet like that.” John said, pointing to Bunny’s still stomping right foot. “But they’re pretty easy to calm down. All you have to do is just pat them until they calm down.”
“You sure, dude?” Albert asked, somewhat nervous. “She looks pretty pissed, and I don’t want her to bite me. I told you about bunny’s having sharp teeth and all.”
“Ew, I’m not going to bite you, stupid!” Bunny said, still stomping her foot.
“Uh, then is it okay if I pat your head?” Albert asked her.
“If it gets my leg to stop, then yeah. Go ahead and pat it.” Sarah sighed, frustrated.
Albert neared her with caution. It was clear he still wasn’t sure if she was going to bite him or not. At last in arms length, he reached out and gave her head a quick pat.
“Ow!” she said, her foot still thumping.
“Uh, sorry.” said Albert.
John shook his head. “You need to pat Bunny softly.”
“Like this?” Albert said, he moved in a little closer and lightly patted her head. Her dark hair felt soft against his skin.
“Why don’t you ask her.”
“Uh, like this, Bunny?” he asked.
Bunny didn’t answer immediately, her eyes were starting to glaze over. But the words got to her soon enough. “Yeah.” She said calmly. “But my foot is still thumping.”
It was, though not with as much force as it had been earlier. Albert looked to John for advice.
John shrugged. “Surely you don’t just pat a bunny on the head?”
The response only confused Albert.
With a sigh, John gave him more consul. “Pat her on the rump. Bunnies like that.”
“Oh.” Albert said, then he did as directed.
Bunny’s foot stopped thumping the floor. Her mind was drifting, thinking of thumping other things, like bunnies do. Her nose twitched and she looked over at Albert who was still patting her on the rump. At first, it had calmed her down. Now it was exciting her!
“Woah! Her foot stopped!” said Albert excitedly as he continued to pat Bunny’s butt.
“I thought it might. Bunnies like being patted, especially on the butt. Isn’t that right, Bunny?”
Bunny wasn’t paying attention. Thoughts of being thumped by Albert, or John, or anyone filled her head. It didn’t matter who. So long they filled her up. She realized she was a doe, her primary purpose to make a litter. She couldn’t wait until she was full with babies.
“Woah, dude! Check it out!” Albert happily said. He was still trying to pat Bunny’s rump. But her butt was doing most of the patting for him. Her hips shifted and her thighs jiggled as she twerked into his hand.
“Yeah, bunnies will do that.” John explained. “She’s ready to be mated and bred.”
“Uh… Bred?” Albert tried pulling his hand away. But Bunny’s rump found her way back onto it.
“Yeah. She wants to get pregnant and fill the world with baby bunnies.” John went on. “Your baby bunnies from the looks of it.”
“Woah, kill the motor, dude!” Albert was trying to pull away from the horny Bunny—but her hungry rump wouldn’t let him go far without her. “I’m not planning on having any kids, man!”
“Well, strictly speaking, it wouldn’t be you that would be having them…” John corrected. “But I can understand your point. Still, you liked petting Bunny?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, dude, I liked petting her. But I’m not looking to be Mr. Albert anytime soon, ya know?” Albert said, he was actively dodging Bunny right now. She clearly was avid for more of his attentions.
“I do know. Well, perhaps something a little less needy?” John asked before freezing time. He made just a few more minor adjustments to things and undid a few of his traps he’d previously set that were no longer of use. Once done, Albert and Bunny were once again none the wiser that anything at all was different.
“I mentioned bunnies because they are so much softer than most any other animal you might have around.” John finished.
“Uh, we don’t have any bunnies, dude.” Albert said, clueless to what he’d once considered his former coworker.
She was, perhaps, in a more clueless state than Albert. Her mind was racing with thoughts that were strange to her. One moment she was thinking about her belly getting filled, now she was only thinking about filling her belly. And neither exactly made sense, but she couldn’t deny that was how she felt. How she’d gone from horny to hungry so quickly was anyone’s guess.
“Ah yes, so you were telling me. But you do have kitties, don’t you?” John asked.
Albert eyes lit up. There was no denying the truth in his words. “Yeah, they’re my favorite!”
“That’s right,” John pressed “and you said that you really liked petting them?”
“Yeah, they’re super soft, dude. You should try it.” Albert answered. It seemed he genuinely thought that John had never pet a kitten before.
Their conversation was lost on Sarah. She was still trying to figure things out. She was still confused as to why she had felt horny moments earlier, but more confused as to why she was feeling hungry now. More to the point, what she was hungry for: meat.
“Some may be, sure. But most kitties that I’ve ever met have been pretty coarse, unless they’re extremely well pampered.” John said following Albert to the kittens.
“Coarse? You mean, like, rough?” Albert asked, stopping in front of the kitten’s cage.
“Yes. Most kittens worth petting, that is.” John answered. “Their hair is more coarse than soft. Still fun to pet though. Assuming you find one that wants to be pet. Specifically, one that wants to be pet by you.”
“Dude, you’re overthinking it. A kitten doesn’t care if you pet it or not.” Albert laughed.
“I beg to disagree.” John laughed along. “But most kitties only want your attention when they want something in return.”
Sarah didn’t understand this new craving. It had been a lifetime ago since she’d eaten meat. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had anything other than lettuce and carrots. Sometimes she’d even have the two together. What was that called? It was on the tip of her tongue. But it didn’t matter. The thought of having greens didn’t sit well with her at the moment.
“Whatever, dude.” Albert said picking up a kitten from its cage. “These kitties don’t want anything from me.”
“Maybe, but are these kittens really worth petting.” John said, scratching the kitten’s ear. “They are soft, sure. But I doubt it is as rewarding as petting a real pussy of a kitten.”
“Heh, dude! You just said pussy!” Albert laughed.
John kept a straight face, he might have been playing on puns, but he wasn’t joking. “Of course I did! Have you ever pet a real pussycat, Albert?”
Sarah licked her lips. She was hungry. How come no one had fed her? She looked around. There was no food anywhere left out for her. Worse, it seemed no one was paying attention to her. That was unacceptable! Maybe if they were paying attention to her she would have been fed by now! Stupid men!
“Uh, a real pussycat?” Albert asked, putting the kitten back.
“Well, that answers my question.” John said, then turned to Sarah who was approaching them. “Oh, Kitty, there you are! Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?”
Sarah gave him a cross look. “How dare you call me that, meow! And why haven’t you fed me?”
“Now, now. That wasn’t very nice, Kitty.” John chided. “Plus, it’s after nine, why are you hungry?”
Sarah gave him an angry look “What? I don’t know why I’m hungry, I just am! Meow, meow. Why haven’t you fed me yet and why are you calling me Kitty?”
“Uh, that’s what it says on your nametag?” ventured Albert.
Kitty looked down and read the badge affirming what Albert had said. But rather than accept it, she turned her nose up at them. “Well, that’s not what I call myself! And I’m still hungry. You should feed me. Aren’t I pretty, meow? You should feed me!”
Kitty had moved up on both of them, and she was rubbing her body against each of theirs.
John sighed then said to Albert. “Well, independent and needy aren’t always separate things. Anyway, I told you that she’d want something in return. Alright, Kitty, I suppose you can eat. Wet or dry?”
Her face contorted in such a way to show disgust that he’d even asked the question. She didn’t want to dignify it with response, but knew she was dealing with particularly stupid creatures. After all they were still calling her ‘kitty’ instead of ‘the glorious ruler of all that she touches, sees, and thinks of, the graceful pussy on high’. “Wet, meow, of course!” she spat at last, because even though they should have known, they didn’t.
“Uh…” Albert didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen Kitty act like this before. As he thought about it, he got more confused. Why didn’t she act like this all the time? Isn’t that what kitties do?
“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” John said and left the two of them to get some of the Fancy PetChow and a bowl to put it in. He didn’t want to risk Kitty cutting herself on the can.
“Uh…” Albert was still unsure about the whole situation. It wasn’t the he didn’t like having Kitty rub her body against his. It was just that he didn’t know who to react to it. Especially since she was now starting to rub against his growing erection. But he didn’t want to deny her any of the affection that she might be seeking.
So, with some trepidation, Albert reached out and began to pet Kitty’s mane.
She wasn’t too sure about having his hands on her at first. She only swiped at him once, and that was just a warning. But Kitty knew there was an itch behind her ear that she couldn’t reach and knew that this clumsy person’s hands could.
So she let him scratch her head. She made sure to move her head as she did so until he was scratching in just the right place and she found her tongue vibrating across the top of her mouth. Purring as Albert touched her.
“I told you she’d want at least something.” John said shaking his head as he came back with the food and the bowl.
As soon as she saw him with the can of food, Kitty abandoned Albert and pranced over to John.
“Ooh, fancy fancy, meow meow!” she said pawing toward the can and food bowl.
“Now, now, Kitty, first things first. You should let Albert pet you first.” John suggested.
“Oh, don’t worry dude, I was! She really likes it behind the ear. You’re right her hair is much more rough than some kittens, but it’s, uh…” Albert readjusted his erection. “It’s way better to pet!”
“The hell are you talking about?” John said to Albert, then to Kitty. “And you look ridiculous with those pants on! And what sort of self respecting Kitty let someone put shoes on her?”
Kitty’s eyes widened then she looked down to her feet. Sure enough, someone had put things on them! And there was something covering her beautiful legs, too!
Immediately she started shaking her left leg until the shoe came off. She would deal with the cloth covering the foot later. How had she let this happen to herself? Kitty shook her right leg until the shoe went flying to the far corner of the store.
Then she sat down and brought her right foot to her mouth. Once she got a bit of fabric in her teeth she was able to pull off the sock. She tried the same on the cuff of her pants, but was unsuccessful.
“Here, let me help, Kitty.” John offered. He got down on one knee and pulled the remaining sock from Kitty’s foot. Then he undid her belt, and pulled her up to her feet.
Her loose pants slid neatly onto the floor. Kitty nimbly jumped away from the pile they left on the ground.
A thick mane of dark fur was now exposed around her white panties. They were faded enough, that even if her coat had been cut, it could be seen both through the fabric.
“One more bit, Kitty.” John said, still on his knee he pulled off her panties. Her bushy mane now fully exposed.
“Meow! Thanks! Meow, meow!” she said and started pawing for the food again.
“Ah, ah! You have to let Albert pet you first, remember?” John chided.
Albert barely registered his name. He’d never seen a half naked Kitty before. He couldn’t believe how toned her legs were beneath the baggy khakis that she had been wearing. How smooth her skin was. How… hairy she was underneath all of that.
“Well?” Kitty snapped at him. “What are you waiting for? Meow, meow!”
Albert just looked to John with his mouth agape. “Well, around you going to pet her?” John answered his unspoken question. “She’s got quite coat. Hard to find one like that nowadays.”
Albert closed his mouth and swallowed. Then reached a hand out and began to pet the mane between Kitty’s legs. It was warm. And much rougher than it had been on her head.
Oh, coarse!
He pressed down more firmly as he pet her fur. He’d never felt anything quite like it. But he didn’t know if it was something he could pet all day. It wasn’t soft like the things he was used to petting.
His time petting the exotic didn’t last long.
John had popped the top off the can of food and Kitty bounded toward him and the food. He shooed her off until he was able to empty the contents of the can completely into the food bowl with a plop. Then he set it down on the ground in front of her.
Kitty wasted no time getting on her hands and knees and began consuming the moist mass of meat with only her mouth. Her butt raised high and happy as she ate.
“Well, what do you think?” John asked, after he’d finished admiring Kitty’s now prominently posed rump.
“Uh, I don’t know dude… She didn’t really like it when I pet her down there. Only when I scratched her behind the ear. And I thought was cool, but not compared to uh… her, you know…” Albert paused.
“Pussy. She is a pussycat after all.” John said filling in the blank.
“Yeah. And that was neat to pet and all. But she, like, only let me because you asked her to. And it wasn’t as soft as I would have liked, you know?” Albert said, scratching his own head trying to explain it.
“I do. Don’t worry there’s a shampoo for that.” John nodded. “But you seem surprised by how she acted. Have you ever had a Kitty?”
Albert looked down, slightly embarrassed at his answer. “No.”
“I thought you liked her being independent?” John pressed.
“I do, but…” Albert tried to find the words. “I just didn’t expect her to be so… I don’t know, dude, she wasn’t openly mean. I guess. She just seemed sort of subtly bitchy.”
“Subtly bitchy.” John mused. “Yep, that’s an apt definition of a Kitty. And you already said you don’t like bitches, right?”
“What?” Albert asked, offended. “Dude, I’m not gay. I mean, I like chicks alright. But c’mon no one likes bitches.”
John shrugged. “I’ve got no problem with them. But I’m sorry to tell you I don’t do poultry.”
“What?” Albert asked again, clearly not getting John’s inside joke.
John didn’t try to explain. “Nevermind. So, let me get this straight: you’re afraid of bunnies, you don’t like kitties as much as you would have liked, and you still don’t like dogs.”
With some difficult, Albert racked his brain to make sure that what all of John said was in fact true. To the best of his knowledge it was. “Uh, yeah, that’s about right, dude.”
“Too bad.” John said, smiling. Then he froze time and made his way over to a coin operated machine by the checkout counter. He input the information he he wanted. Computer functions weren’t inhibited by time freeze so long as there was no temporal function John had found.
After he completed filling out the information he slipped coins into the machine. He knew the mechanical part of it would start once he unfroze time.
But before that he gathered a few things. The leash and collar he’d originally meant to buy along with the PetChow that he’d been given after being locked into the store. Then he went back to Sarah and Albert.
Poor fool, Albert. He was too timid. Worse, he didn’t know what he wanted. Only what he didn’t want. So John was going to leave him the only thing that fit that bill: nothing.
And Sarah. Soon there would be nothing left of Sarah. She had all but assured him that her personality’s absence from this world would be a good thing from the moment John entered the store.
Albert had been right though. She was rather bitchy, even as a kitty. She might have done well as a bunny. But that wasn’t John’s style. And despite his hopes that it would be, it wasn’t Albert’s style either.
Poor Albert. He didn’t even like dogs.
That’s okay. John could handle bitches.
He made a few subtle changes to her psyche and went ahead removing her top and bra. What was hidden beneath wasn’t unpleasant to look at, but could do with some enhancements. He might save that for later. Might not even need to do anything at all if he put a pup in her!
John laughed at the thought and put the new collar about her neck which he attached the leash to.
Then he took the now empty bowl from in front of her. It still smelled heavily of the Fancy PetChow. But that Chow was all gone. She would still be hungry, no doubt. So he poured some of the bag of dry PetChow out for her. Then he put the opened bag on the counter out of reach and unfroze time.
The pet id tag machine whirred to life printing out his pet’s new name and his contact info lest she get lost.
Albert just stared at the strange breed before him. He’d never seen anything like her. He almost mistook it for a person. But what self respecting woman would come in naked and on all fours with a leash and collar on.
No woman he knew. Plus there were a lot of weird breeds out there. Still, he’d never seen one like this. At least he knew it was a girl.
“So, uh, what breed is she?” Albert ventured at last. She sure had a voracious appetite. Most dogs snubbed their noses at basic PetChow.
John looked over his shoulder, still holding her leash. He had a nervous habit about leaving these machines before they finished. He didn’t want to forget about them after putting money into them. “Oh, Lupae filias.”
“Oh, uh, cool.” Albert tried to make a mental note to google that. He wasn’t into dogs or anything, but this one looked better than most girls he’d met. “And uh, what’s her name?”
The machine finished, John reached down and read the id tag. “Bitch.”