I had just turned 16, and was starting to become aware of the joys of the fairer sex. I was also obsessed with chess. One night, I went to sleep after studying some games in Bobby Fischer’s “60 Memorable Games.”
I woke up to find myself lying in soft grass. Looking up I saw that I was in a square field. Beside me was a bench, with, what seemed to me at the time, an old man crying. I noticed the long robe, and the mitre on his head, and his long staff. “he must be a bishop” I said to myself. I sat down beside him and asked me what was the matter. As he removed his hands from his face, I noticed for the first time that he was black, and I saw the purple shirt he was wearing, with a dog collar above it, as confirmation that he was indeed a bishop.
“It’s starting again. The kings and queens are collecting armies together. There is going to be another war. Beware young man, beware.”
Just then a black horse slowly trotted up beside us. A tall, dark lady was riding side-saddle on it. She was wearing a long flowing cloak and a small crown on her head. I realised she must be a queen. She slipped off the horse and clicked her fingers in front of the bishop with the single word “sleep”. The bishop immediately seemed to fall into a deep sleep. “What’s up with him” I thought to myself, for at that time, I had no knowledge of the art of hypnotism.
She turned to face me. She had big dark eyes, skin as back as coal, big lips. She was tall, she absolutely towered above me. She was more beautiful than any lady I had ever seen before. She sort of scared and excited me all at once.
“What have we here? Is it a boy who will fight for me?”
“I’m not going to fight for you. I don’t want to die. I am white, if I fought for anyone it would be for the white queen.”
“But black can become white and white can become black. Haven’t you heard of Michael Jackson?”
“Yes but I don’t want to end up like him.”
“Good point and you will not.”
She sat down beside me, so I only had to look up slightly to look at her face.
“And you are in your pyjamas; boys in their pyjamas should be asleep.”
Looking down I noticed I was still wearing pyjamas.
“Look into my eyes boy.”
I looked up into her lovely eyes and there was something magnetic about them. I started staring in those lovely big brown eyes looking directly into mine. The tone of her voice changed, it was gentler, sweeter, and more seductive.
“Yes I can see in your eyes that you have been sleeping, and that you want to go back to sleep. Let me help you boy. Just look into my eyes and trust in me. Trust in me completely.”
I didn’t trust her one inch, but somehow I couldn’t turn my gaze away, I wanted to keep looking into those eyes.
“That’s right boy keep looking into my eyes and listening to my voice, my sweet soothing voice.”
She started stroking my hair. It was nice and relaxing.
“Feel my nice warms hands stroking your hair boy. Feel how relaxing it is. Keep on relaxing. Keep listening to my voice, keep looking into my eyes. Breathe deeply, nice deep breathes in through your nose.”
As I breathed in through my nose I started to smell the strong, sweet scent of her perfume. It seemed to fill my head, fill my senses.
“That’s right boy breathe deeply and smell my perfume, keep listening to me, keep listening to your queen.”
I wanted to scream out “But your not my queen”, but something stopped me. Perhaps I was just too darn comfortable by her side.
“Relax, you are going to sleep. You are getting sleepier and sleepier; your eye-lids are getting heavier and heavier.”
With her finger she touched my forehead and drew it down over my nose and then back up to my forehead, and keep on repeating. It seemed to be urging my eyes shut.
“Look at my finger boy.”
I looked at this finger close to me. I went cross-eyed. She moved her finger down, one more time, this time not touching my skin. My eyes followed it, and on her command, my eyes closed. The tone of her voice changed again. It was less soft and more commanding.
“Sleep boy and dream of me. I am your queen. You love me boy. You love my big brown eyes. Keep thinking of my eyes. You love the smell of my perfume. You love my voice. You love my touch. You are deeply in love with me. You would do anything for me. You would fight for me. You are going to be the black queen’s pawn. Now make love to me.”
“What about the king?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about him. I’m the queen. I am allowed to do as I like. Haven’t you heard about Lady Di and Prince Charles?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to end up like him.”
“Sweetie you have used that joke already in this story.”
“Sorry”
“Sorry what?”
“Sorry your majesty.”
“That’s better. Now where were we?”
So we made love, out there in the open air. It was the first time I had ever made love, and obviously I was a bit clumsy. I accidentally knocked the feet of the Bishop, who woke up.
Looking down at our two naked bodies cavorting in front of him he muttered.
“Upon my soul”
She looked up at him snapped her fingers and commanded “Sleep”.
The Bishop resumed his slumbering.
We finished off making love, and she then sent me back to sleep.
Next thing I knew there was noise and commotion everywhere. I was standing in front of her.
“Be ready boy, we are about to start.”
In the distance I saw a soldier advance towards me.
“Pawn to Queen Four” bellowed a voice behind and to left of me.
“Oh darling you are so old-fashioned.” I heard my queen behind me. “He means Pawn to d5. That’s you boy, off you go, forward two squares.”
She pushed me in the back and thrust me forward two squares. I came face to face with the opposition soldier.
“I have no quarrel with you” he said.
“But I have!”
Looking forward and to the right I saw another opposition soldier.
“Look out, use your shield,” shouted my queen from behind me.
In the nick of time I raised my shield and parried the blow from his sword.
“Don’t worry we will send re-enforcements.” My queen shouted from behind me.
“Can I suggest the Slav defence dear?”
“Yes pawn to queen bishop’s three.”
“He means pawn c6.”
Behind me and to my right I heard a soldier advance one square.
“Don’t worry sir; I am here to protect you.”
I was rather relieved to hear those words!
In the distance I heard the enemy start to mobilise the cavalry
Don’t worry boy, I’ll send more re-enforcements.” Yelled the queen from behind me. I noticed another foot-soldier come up behind me on the other on my left hand side this time.
Meanwhile I continue to hear the terrifying sound of the opposition cavalry
“Kill him, kill him” screamed the black queen. Obediently I drove my sword deep into my opponent’s heart. I became aware of a white foot soldier making an advance to my right, and more thundering of hoofs, this time behind me My heart sank, I realised a white bishop was out to take me. “Don’t worry, we’ll send help” yelled the black queen And all at once by my side was the kindly old bishop I had seen before. “I am combining with the cavalry to put pressure on the white centre. Everything is in order.” He told me reassuringly “And now I must die for you.” He said. “No, no, no, don’t leave me I screamed, but it was too late. But at least he had taken an enemy knight with him. And thankfully more re-enforcements soon arrived behind me. While the opposition clergy gathered their plans together I saw both kings run to the sides. “Typical I thought, hide away in the corners and leave us to risk our necks.” then another trooper arrived near me. It looked like the odds were in our favour in this corner of the battlefield. Then I caught a glimpse of Her majesty herself, the tall white queen moved into action while our one surviving Bishop said a few prayers “King alert, King alert” screamed the Black queen. “Don’t worry, I have it covered, g6” Replied the Black King. “Thank God, he seems to have learned the notation muttered the black queen “Damn, weak black squares round the king, send for our black squared bishop”. Yelled the Black queen. But darling, we exchanged him 6 moves ago replied the Black monarch Then a white bishop bravely charged to attack the black queen. “Look into my eyes” started the black queen. But the white prelate was having none of it, and started chanting the Lord’s Prayer over and over again. The black queen skunked away in disgust. And behind me I heard the cavalry clashing. They were going at it hammer and tongs. It sounded like they were killing each other off. As the white bishop assuming a commanding position, one of our foot soldiers who was meant to be protecting our king made a cowardly dash into no man’s land only to be mowed down by the other white bishop. The two white Bishops started singing “Onward Christian Soldiers” I could see morale dropping in our camp. Even the black king tried to escape, but he ran into a brick wall. The White queen magnificently swept passed me, towards the black king, dagger in hand. I knew the game was up. Then a white bishop made an attack at the Black King. He called across to his beloved queen. “I must resign” he shouted. “No, fight on, to the death” yelled back the black queen. And my eyes started to open. I saw for the first time the wicked, cruel streak in her. But it was to no avail. The Black monarch was soon killed. At that moment, the black queen’s spell was lifted from eyes, and I realised how I had been led into such a terrible war. I was confused, didn’t know what to do.... then I woke up in bed. It had all been just a dream. Damn that book of Bobby Fischer’s, it gave me chess nightmares! I won’t do that again. It will have to be Kotov’s “Think like a Grandmaster” tonight!
(For chess fans, the actual game went
1.
d4
d5
2.
c4
c6
3.
Nf3
e6
4.
Nc3
dxc4
5.
a4
Nf6
6.
e4
Bb4
7.
e5
Nd5
8.
Bd2
Bxc3
9.
bxc3
b5
10.
Be2
O-O
11.
O-O
a5
12.
Qb1
Bd7
13.
Ng5
g6
14.
Ne4
Na6
15.
Bg5
Qc7
16.
Nf6+
Nxf6
17.
Bxf6
h5
18.
Bxh5
Kh7
19.
Qe4
Rh8
20.
Bxg6+
fxg6
21.
Qh4+
Kg8
22.
Qxh8+
Kf7
23.
Qg7+
Ke8
24.
Qg8#