The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

Battle Hookers

Episode 1: The Exotic Dancer (part 2 of 3)

mc ff fd gr

by TheGreenGoblin

Jenny vs. Breakrave. Jenny didn’t know how bad it was in Battle Hooker culture to steal someone’s man. Now she is locked in a sacred battle rite where two Battle Hookers enter, on Battle Hooker and one Thrall leave.

“Dearie, you must be new at this,” said Breakrave. “Broken jaws aren’t sexy. There, look. Your mistress’ body will always fix itself right sexy and slutty.”

Jenny was down on one knee, glaring at the raver that had her arm around her girl. And the hand cupping the chin? Did she think she was a comic book villain?

“Of course,” continued Breakrave, “when I beat the poaching bitch senseless for stealing thralls on me territr’y, soon she won’t be able to fix herself.” She turned Kate’s chin to face her. “When she’s out of energy, I’ll frig her until she’s my little sparkly candy raving bitch.”

She could tell her exotic accent was turning the goth girl on. She was sighing under her embrace and clearly trying to keep her hands away from her legs. Trying. “Normally that’s how you’d end up mine, but since Scarlett over there likes poaching so much...”


Jenny rose to her feet, the last of her wounds healed. With very tight, controlled anger she bellowed, “Get your damn hands off my woman.”

She marched towards the two (and fifteen) still on the platform. Her clothes changed into red light and the light reshaped itself into new clothing. She now had her large chest contained in a red tank top that showed some cleavage and a lot of stomach. Her cargo pants were military issue except they used reds and pinks where the army used greens.

Kate knew Jenny was coming to get her, but was lost in the sensation of a sweet kiss and a hand up her shirt. Kate felt overwhelming gratitude that someone this beautiful wanted to be with her. She felt a joy at being selected. She wanted to fall to her knees and worship this woman. That would never be enough. She could look upon that beauty all day, but that would never be enough. She wanted to be bent over and used until she came and came and that wouldn’t be enough either. She had known this woman for 30 seconds and she’d fallen in lust.

Breakrave’s eyes widened when she felt something something in her mouth besides Kate’s tongue. It was too big to have been hidden there, but somehow it suddenly filled Breakrave’s mouth completely.

“Breakrave, what’s going on?” said Ed, who had never seen the boss recoil and break an embrace like that.

She clutched her head, bent down, and staggered back. When she looked up, Ed saw a dildo complete with balls was fucking her mouth. Each thrust pushed her neck back an inch or three and she tried to move her head forward. She looked like a blue-haired chicken. The fifteen men should have been giggling. Instead they looked concerned yet paralyzed by an understanding that they were not to interfere.

“Hey, bitch, you like to throw sperm around? said Jenny. Well I can make toys. Now back off my woman or I’ll conjure up a 12-inch black-studded Lexington Steele that will domme you right back to the kitchen.”

Without warning, Breakrave leapt towards Jenny and spun around once in midair. Two blue tendrils spiraled out of her. One reached behind and hooked Kate’s leg to trip her for spite. The other had a glowing green weight on the end that landed on Jenny’s forehead and knocked her back several feet. With a force of will, she spat the dildo onto the floor.

“I don’t know who you are Scarlett, or why you’ve brought back one of the Old Sins, but I’m going to end you right here, right now. Kinkai.”

With the magic word, Breakrave and Jenny were sealed in a blue circle 40 feet in diameter with a pentacle inscribed. It wasn’t made of lines, but of glowing, light-blue runes. In the center pentagon was a ballerina silhouette. It was balanced on the point of one toe and each arm, leg, and the head were pointing to different points of the pentagon. It was a picture of the perfect, magickal dancer.

“You know what the circular wall means, Scarlett. No one gets in or out until one of us is too weak to stop those 15 men from rogering your bum but good.”

“My name’s not Scarlett. It’s Jennifer. And you’re obviously a psycho bitch but if you want a beat down before I bend you over and fuck you, that’s fine by me.”

“Open the door.” Breakrave’s entourage knew what that meant. She wanted music for this fight. One of them held the door open and she began to sway a dangerous, almost hypnotic sway. The tendrils she had were actually green glowsticks on the end of blue energy strings and she began to swing them around. It almost looked she was twirling a perfectly straight staff.

“You shouldn’t have walked into my circle naked.”

“The fuck, bitch, I have clothes.”

A green flash lashed out and struck the left strap of Jenny’s tank top. It dissolved into red light and left a lot more of her chest exposed. “Are you going to spend all of your power making clothes?” said Breakrave. “You’re naked. Much easier to stimulate and fuck.” Taking her own advice, the blue energy whips evaporated. She began to sway with the music. Again, it seemed to take no concentration from her.

“Stimulate this.” said Jenny charging forward and trying to knock Breakrave’s head out from under her fake dreadlocks. Her opponent avoided by stepping in a small circle. Follow up attacks were deflected by waterfall-fast flowing arms. She would lean back almost into a full bridge and twist away at impossible angles. She could move her stomach out of the way without moving the rest of her body—like a belly dancer. The bitch was DANCING.

“All right,” said Breakrave, stepping back and kicking her leg straight up, then holding it next to her head.

Jenny took the moment to catch her breath but the full view of both toned legs took it away, to say nothing of what the thin cloth between them was doing. Breakrave faced her calf and kept one eye locked on her opponent. The way the mascara ended in a sharp point gave the white girl an Asian mystique. With that eye half-closed, she used her studded tongue to give her own calf a slow, sensual lick. Keeping her leg high she then faced Jenny while licking her own lips. The inviting gaze smashed into her with erotic promises of how that stud would feel against her own sexy legs...lips...pu—

The raised leg hit the ground, Breakrave spun on it, and re-dislocated Jenny’s jaw. Jenny slammed into the translucent circular wall and the dancer just watched her try to repair herself. The energy left her cargo pants for a more important place and now they looked like pants that were too short for her. Breakrave’s warning suddenly became clear.

She’d need all her power to fight and heal. Clothing wasn’t in the budget.

What happened next wasn’t a fight so much as it was Breakrave knocking the clothes out of Jenny. She would sway with the rhythm and evade every attack. She would kick high to make sure everyone could see her lacy blue thong and the toned ass it was barely covering. Her fighting showed off her every curve while she slapped Jenny around the circle. Each hit made Jenny’s clothes shrink and display more of her divinely crafted body. Before long her tank top was a slutty caricature of the functional garment she started the fight with. It had no straps and didn’t cover the tops or bottoms of her heavy breasts. Her combat pants were just adorable cutoffs that were too short to be called Daisy Dukes.

Jenny was dazed and moving slower. Her “shirt” couldn’t stop her breasts from jiggling here and there as she tried to evade or move or run. Another unfairly strong kick to the stomach sent her to the ground and she felt her shorts reduce to nearly a thong. Just as Jenny thought she was taking the worst of it, the beat picked up.

Jenny lay on the ground, trying to clear her head. The fog in her head was more than punch drunkenness. Breakrave’s movements were distracting. Entrancing. It was worth getting slapped to watch her sway. She was the hottest thing on the dance floor, and all Jenny wanted was the nerve to go dance with her. She got to her feet and watched the pretty girl dance over.

Breakrave easily slipped behind the dazed girl and put her hands on almost bare hips. She guided them back and forth to the beat while murmuringin her ear. With a sexy whisper, she began delivering the final blows. “You have such a nice ass. Here, I’ll show you a dance that shows it off.”

With expert guidance, Jenny was grind dancing on Breakrave’s pelvis. At least she was dancing with the hot girl. The way her instructor was moving her hips reminded Jenny of getting fucked. With her mind reeling on those images more blows to the ear came. “Yeah, you got it. That hot ass of yours will look good dancing on my poles. Now shake that slutty chest of yours.”

Her hands slid under Jenny’s arms and pretended to guide her chest movments. Really, she got under that flimsy cloth and started cupping those titties. Holding them up for the onlookers to see. Mashing them together for deeper cleavage. Rubbing the shirt into the nipples until there were two points wasting what little fabric was left. She was grinding some stranger on the dance floor and getting felt up while everyone watched. It was starting to feel good. Her breathing was getting heavy. Then she felt that wrongness from before.

The eyes on her weren’t holding her in awe, they were leering. She was in a submissive position and they were all waiting to use her. At least the whispers in her head weren’t hers. Still, the hot breath on her ear sent shivers down her spine. “It’s going to feel amazing. You’ll be my ditzy little rave slave. You’ll be in my club shaking your ass and tits at men until they can’t help but fuck you.”

Not louder than the whispers, Kate’s voice got through the barrier. “Jenny...stop...what are you doing?”

Jenny reached behind her and put the palms of her hands on Breakrave’s hips. She tried to create a thick, studded dildo right inisde Breakrave’s cunt and ass. Straining with effort, the last of her shirt unraveled.

Breakrave replied with a bear hug that cracked Jenny’s rib. After the crunch she let go and held her dance partner up for the second or two it took the bone to heal. She maintained the dirty dancing through it all. Jenny was now naked. And she was out of ideas.

“Did you just try to change me innards to your liking? You’re quite backwards I’m afraid. See, your Anima is all gone from fixing yourself. You have nothing to control your sexuality with. Look at you! All naked with your tits out for everyone to leer at, through it all just glad that a hottie like me is interested in you.

“Here, I’ll show you how to warp a slut into your fantasy girl.”

Breakrave pinched Jenny’s nipples with her thumb and forefinger. Blue light shot through them causing Jenny to throw her head back with pleasure. The light took the shape of small nipple rings before converting to real metal. The sensation of a metal bar through her nipples caused Jenny’s arousal to flare uncontrollably. They were already stimulated and sensitive, and now she was constantly aware of them whether someone was touching her or not. Breathless and horny, she tried to turn around but Breakrave stayed behind her, gliding her hands along her sides and lower back.

“Tramp stamp,” said Breakrave. Jenny couldn’t see it, but she felt everyone staring at her decorated backside. The tattoo probably didn’t say ‘fuck me’ but it might as well have. Her ass was already something to stare at but now it was stamped as grade-A fuck meat. She backed away slowly, trying to cover the tattoo with her hands but she didn’t know where it was. All it did was thrust her tits out at the smiling Breakrave. There was another smile that grew more lecherous as it stared at her knowing she was something to fuck. The sensation in her nipples made her wetter.

Breakrave slapped her then backhanded her. “Your eyes are all covered in glitter now. Now you look like a little club slut with your eyes open OR closed!” She had fun watching Jenny blink and try looking away. No matter what she tried it looked like her eyes were happily inviting someone over.

Jenny backed up until she hit the wall. Her body was too tired and horny to move effectively. Her mind felt a yearning to be whatever made Breakrave happy, even if it was her little club slut. Her mind also felt what the men would do to her. She knew when her pussy was full they’d just take her ass. She felt their desire to slip their dicks between her big tits and leaver her face soaked in cum. Through it all, natural wonderment got a say and she had to examine the only change she could see—the nipple rings.

Jenny felt them. She gave them a slight pull and felt them electrify her overheating body. When she stopped from the sensation, her hands were still on her tits. She tried to take them off, but Breakrave put them back on. She slipped her own middle fingers under each nipple ring and watched Jenny’s sparkly head roll around as she gasped and moaned with pleasure. Using her own Anima to take over Jenny’s sexuality, Breakrave turned up the sensitivity on her breasts until Jenny’s gaps became orgasmic moans.

Breakrave’s eyes glowed blue, Jenny’s a slightly paler shade.

“Hmph. Your biggest weakness. Let’s make them bigger.” Breakrave pulled her hands away leaving her middle finger hooked under the nipple ring. Jenny’s breasts grew larger as blue energy seeped into them. Jenny felt everyone, including Breakrave, delight and fantasize about how easy it was to dominate her now. Everyone would grab her tits and she’d get all wet and weak in the knees. Then anybody could just pound her. The thoughts got interrupted when Breakrave kissed her.

Jenny’s new breasts lit up with sensation when the woman frenching her pressed into them so forcefully. Her tongue and lips felt tingly. She tried to stammer out a protest but only mumbles and soft sighs came out.

“You have shiny lip gloss and five tongue studs. My little rave slut won’t be able to tell people not to stick cocks in that mouth of yours.”

Jenny saw the plan. Her mouth would invite them. She wouldn’t be able to say much to resist. Those studs would make cocks feel incredible. They’d shoot cum down her throat. They’d know her mouth was such a good fuck. Cocks would line up.

“This wouldn’t be so easy if you didn’t build most of this body for me,” said Breakrave. “Well, enough playing.” Breakrave used her leg to kick up and hold Jenny’s leg against the wall. Her head was leaning on her calf, just like before. Jenny could see her left leg and her Mistress’ in a sexy tangle. Mistress’ right foot had Jenny’s left ankle pinned to the wall. Breakrave drew her studded tongue up her own calf just like before, except Jenny had no resistance now. Her body chose to melt into the pleasure because throwing her head back would take Mistress out of view.

“Can you touch my panties? If you’re good enough to serve me I won’t give you to the men.”

Jenny tried to reach out but could barely touch them. She wasn’t balanced and the leg she was standing on was weak and shaking with desire. If she leaned forward her sensitive nipples would rub against her Mistress and she’d shake and drop her hand. Plus, hearing about “the men” made her aware of their stares and what they meant.

“Shame.” Breakrave put two fingers in Jenny’s dripping slit, planning to break her with an ordinary finger fuck. She was smiling at Jenny like a porn star trying to fuck a camera. “I know you don’t want to come. I’d have control of your Anima. You’d be mine.”

“” Kate’s voice barely came through the barrier.

“You know that’s where our powers come from, right?” She moved her fingers faster over Jenny’s G-spot.

“When you lose control and get used for pleasure, you give up your power.” She’d bring her fingers out to tease Jenny’s clitty before going back in. Jenny’s toes curled and her hands gripped at the wall as if there were a sheet there.

“You obviously have no power, but won’t stop you from cumming and giving all that little bit to me.” Three fingers, with the thumb working the clit. Her coordination was superhuman indeed.

Jenny’s whole body tensed as her belly muscles shook. Breakrave was explaining to her why she shouldn’t cum, and her body was passing the point of no return. She could tense her muscles for a few more seconds before the powerful spasm took over, transferred all of her power to the one that conquered her. Thoughts of herself powerless in the club played out in those instants. Mistress would give her a slutty outfit to wear, probably one that displayed her nipple rings. There would be no way men could keep their hands off of her. She’d get felt up. Even if she said ‘no’ they wouldn’t hear or wouldn’t understand. They’d only understand her hard nipples and wet cunt. One guy would fuck her, and they’d know she was a little fuck doll. Cocks would go in her fat, glossy lips. Gangs would—

When the orgasm finally hit, Breakrave let Jenny slump to the ground and shake with defeat. This time, the blue glow in Breakrave’s eyes was much darker, Jenny’s much more pale than before. Kate fell to her knees and sobbed on the other side of the wall. She wanted to reach out to her friend but running through magickal walls could get you killed or worse. She pounded the ground in frustration.

“What the bloody devil? Why’s me wall still ‘ere?” She looked around thoroughly. It almost looked like she was proofreading the runes in the ground. She ran through the energy transactions of the whole fight in her head.

After a minute that felt like an eternal torment, Kate looked up with forced hope. “The fight isn’t over.”

“Yes it is, she’s beaten.”

Kate put on a British accent. “No ‘e’s not, ‘e’s restin.”

Breakrave turned off the charm and pounded the translucence between them. As much as she wanted to pound the girl, she was right.

It had been so long she hadn’t quite remembered all the rules of the Kinkai. Two Battle Hookers enter, one Battle Hooker and one Thrall leave. It was ritual combat from the days when Battle Hookers were numerous enough to have violent turf wars. (The Witch Hunts had taken care of that problem.) Nowadays if they happened at all it was because two petty bitches couldn’t agree on some man or which gown to wear to the Playa’s Ball.

“You’re right.” Breakrave sighed and spoke with the tone of a nanny that had to vacuum an extra rug. “Well, no matter. She’s hardly in fighting shape. A few licks to the cunny, you and she are me willin’ slaves, and we’re all back inside for tea and biscuts, ‘ay?” Somehow she managed to mock Kate by exaggerating her own accent.

Breakrave put her head between the legs of the still-quivering Jenny and started to lick. Gone were the tactics, strategies, and showwomanship. Beautiful in its simplicity, the tongue licked the pussy. The stud felt every bit as good on her clit as she was forced to imagine moments ago. Jenny put her hands on blue hair and wanted to push the girl away. After another deft flick of the tongue she entwined the blue locks in her fingers instead, wanting nothing more than to hold the pleasure close. She could barely see her new Mistress through the valled of her newly enlarged melons. As she shook with pleasure so did her breasts and so moved the nipple rings, providing stimulation there too. The last of her willpower was being lapped out through her dripping cunt, and she was going to lay there and enjoy it.

The hope that came from seeing the fight wasn’t over joined Jenny—on it’s back trapped under the weight of tits and pleasure and unable to do anything. Kate knew how Jenny’s fingers and toes would clench when she was just about to cum. She sobbed when she saw those fingers entwine that awful bitch’s blue locks. This was the non-instant side-effect of meddling with magick, she reasoned. Helpless, she Watched an abundant blue cloud smother the last of a faint, red glow surrounding Jenny’s body. Her spell was getting her friend enslaved, possibly killed, not even five feet in front of her.

Magickal side effects be damned. She charged right through the barrier. She hoped it would evaporate her immediately or at least zap her mind free of strife. It did nothing.

Before delivering the final lick, a suprised Breakrave tried to lift her head but found herself quite locked down by the locks.

Kate drove her steel-toed boot square into that porcelain nose. It made a frightful crunch. The force tore Breakrave’s head from the chunks of hair in Jenny’s hands as she flew back several yards.

The sound THAT made is woven into nightmares.

Relief, joy, and the exhilarating adrenaline rush of winning a fight flooded Kate and held the negative emotions in check. That and their opponent being a splotch of red from the neck up, she had a few precious moments to think. The whole time she’d been Watching the flow of energy. The enemy was stirring. Thinking back on all she saw this evening she had to figure out a way to get energy back into Jenny. As Breakrave rolled over to her hands and knees, she had an idea that could work but made her fear for her own life. “Magickal side effects be damned,” she thought. Kate stripped down to her boots in under five seconds.

Pain dominated Breakrave’s senses for the first time in decades. A normal human would have been killed by that lucky blow withn minutes as cartilage shards tore their way through the brain. Her Anima removed cartilage from her brain and repaired all the synapses. Once the cartilage was back in her nose her it had to create new skin and hair. These repairs had cost her a lot of power but she didn’t get a say. Anima made sure a Battle Hooker’s body stayed at the pinnacle of sexual attractiveness at all times. Blood and disfigurement had no place in that image (and thank the gods her opponent thought so too).

Jenny was all but completely submerged in sensation and fantasy. The physical stimulation stopped just before she’d get the reward she’d craved, the thing she was willing to submit to any debasement to obtain. Images of submission filled her mind and surrounded her like trees in a large, dark forest. No matter which way she faced she’d see herself bent over or on her back, being used like a slut. It made her pussy drip. Each use only made her look forward to the next one. Eager for the next fantasy she faced this way and that way all in her mind—until she saw Kate. Naked.

“Please, Mistress. Use your slave’s tongue to get yourself off.”

The voice called to the last shred of Jenny’s new instincts. Somehow she knew—IT knew these tableaus of humiliation were Wrong. They knew it was supposed to be the other way around. Jenny was in control. Jenny was the Mistress. And she had a slave tongue that she was just aching to use right now.

Kate felt relief when her Mistress dimly shook the blue clumps out of her hands and pushed her raven tresses down where they belonged. In order to ensure this worked, Kate had to focus on how happy she was to be serving her Mistress. She almost got Jenny killed. She had messed up. She deserved this. She was nothing. If she was lucky, Jenny would let her service her cunt again sometime.

Within the span of ten seconds more than one iron-clad rule that Breakrave had believed in since her earliest days of training had been proven false. The sacred Kinkai battle ground was desecrated. No one should be able to cross the barrier, but a goth chick was right there, stealing her rightfully won orgasmic energy. Breakrave had to shove all of her shock aside and deal with that pressing issue right now.

She raced towards the lesbians and dove at Kate with a double axe handle to the back of Kate’s ribs. The girl missed a lick, apologized, and went right back to it.

“Get off of her!” She pounded again. And again. The slave dedicated herself to pleasuring her Mistress.

Frustrated and breathing heavily, Breakrave wrapped her arms around the slave’s waist and pulled. Kate wrapped her arms around Jenny’s thighs and held fast, continuing to put her tongue on lips or a clit in any way possible. Time was short. Breakrave knew that since she’d been the one that had Jenny dancing on the edge of the highest ecstasy.

“Dammit, girl, get your head out of there! Her cum will destroy your mind!” More licking. More desperation. “What the bloody ‘ell is wrong with you! You’ll become a Thrall, not a slave! You’ll be a—”

Jenny came. She rewarded her slave with her juices, shooting and spraying all over her face. She bucked and thrashed wildly and only then did Kate let go. Breakrave was still pulling so the two of them tumbled away from the impossibly spasming redhead. Kate just lay there with her eyes glowing a very pale pink.

Jennifer stood up with her eyes glowing red. Her Anima erased the tattoos and literally evaporated the nipple rings. The extra cup sizes on her chest morphed into crimson light and dissolved into nothingness as well. She spit tongue studs to the ground with a loud clang.

“Thank you, slave. You did well. I’ll reward you later.”

“YOU FUCKING CHEATER! You can’ did...there’s no feeding allowed in Kinkai! There can’t even be anyone else in here!” Breakrave faced Kate. “Witch! How did you break the barrier?”

“Don’t answer that, slave,” preempted Jenny. “Just help me pound this bitch back to the kitchen.”

* * *


* * *

DVD BONUS FEATURE: The Dead Hooker Sketch (Parodies Monty Python’s Dead Parrot Sketch)

Kate and Breakrave are standing inside the Kinkai barrier. Kate is inside the wall and Breakrave drag’s Jenny’s orgasmic body over.

‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(Kate does not respond.)

‘Ello, Mister?


What do you mean “mister”?


I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!


We’re closin’ for lunch.


Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this hooker what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.


Oh yes, the, uh, the Jenny Red...What’s,uh...What’s wrong with it?


I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lass. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!


No, no, ‘e’s uh,...he’s resting.


Look, matey, I know a dead hooker when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.


No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Jenny Red, idn’it, ay? Beautiful cleavage!


The cleavage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.


Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!


All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) ‘Ello, Miss Jenny Red! You better get movin’! Yer pimp’s commin’ and you just spent all his money on platform shoes and cocaine!

(Kate kicks Jenny)

There, she moved!


No, she didn’t, that was you kickin’ ‘er!


I never!!


Yes, you did!


I never, never did anything...


(yelling and shaking Jenny repeatedly) ‘ELLO STRUMPET!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Pickes Jenny’s backside off the ground and swats it good with a paddle. Then she stands Jenny up on a stripper pole and watches her plummet to the floor.)

Now that’s what I call a dead hooker.


No, no.....No, ‘e’s stunned!




Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Jenny Reds stun easily, major.

Breakrave: look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That hooker is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged party.


Well, she’s...she’s, ah...probably pining for the fjords.


PININ’ for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did she fall flat on her back the moment I got ‘er home?


The Jenny Red prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely cleavage!


Look, I took the liberty of examining that hooker when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its bed in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.


Well, o’course it was nailed there! That’s where you nail hookers! If I hadn’t nailed that bird good, it would have nuzzled up to some guy, bent ‘is brain with her femminie wiles and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!


“VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million bottles of smelling salts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!


No no! ‘E’s pining!


‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This hooker is no more! She has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘er to the bed’e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-HOOKER!!


Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ‘round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of hookers.


I see. I see, I get the picture.


I got a ninja.


Pray, does it talk?


Nnnnot really.




N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)




(quietly) D’you.... d’you want to come back to my place?


(looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.